My child is a genius

amother

Vanilla

Mon, Aug 30 2021, 12:08 pm

As a former morah of two year olds, I can tell you two reasons why the moms do this:
1. They feel a tinge guilty sending their two year old out- and kind of wish they could keep them home with them. Because he is a genius, however, it is justified- who would keep a genius child home instead of letting him learn so much in school
2. They want you to mention that your child is a genius too- and that why you smart moms sent tot this particular morah- she only accepts geniuses bec she has such an advanced curriculum

amother

Stoneblue

Mon, Aug 30 2021, 12:13 pm

amother [ Vanilla ] wrote:

1. Wow really? I only ever sent out because I thought they needed other kids. Whatever they need to learn at that age they can learn at home, those settings aren't supposed to be academic.
2. LOLOL here I always praised morahs for being attentive and loving and putting their all into each kid. Never thought of praising her curriculum. Think if I start doing that I'll make more friends? Come to think of it that IS what everyone praises my kids' morahs for and I always brush them off and say I'm just happy the morah is into learning through play, and kinesthetic-tactile learning, and doesn't focus too much on academics because kids need to be kids and you don't gain anything academically in the long term by pushing academics early.

amother

Brickred

Mon, Aug 30 2021, 12:22 pm

Honestly having genius kids isn't so much fun. They are often bored at school and challenge their teachers not always respectfully. It takes time for them to learn how to respect everyone. And they often get paired with a weak chavrusa so that they become tutors at a young age this has its benefits but also disadvantages. You also always feel guilty that you don't stimulate them enough.
Having normal average kids is a huge Bracha!

amother

Brickred

Mon, Aug 30 2021, 12:25 pm

amother [ Oldlace ] wrote:

Reminds me of my sil who bragged (yes bragged!!) to me about how early her son got his first tooth. As if it was an indication of high intellect lol!

And my sisters kids are born with teeth...nope they aren't geniuses..

amother

Stoneblue

Mon, Aug 30 2021, 12:30 pm

amother [ Brickred ] wrote:

Parenting genius kids makes you understand why, in situations where the kids are significantly more intelligent than the parents, the chance that the parents will abuse the children skyrockets.

octopus

Mon, Aug 30 2021, 12:33 pm

amother [ Brickred ] wrote:

Thank you. This is the story of my life with one of my kids. Every single point.

amother

Natural

Mon, Aug 30 2021, 12:41 pm

This thread is so good for me cuz I sometimes do this. Not for a two year old. For my older child who clearly has a lot of issues. Adhd, ocd, and thankfully very bright. So I’ll make comments like that to let my friend understand he’s not a total failure but I see how it can feel for the other person and I will be careful not to

amother

Forestgreen

Mon, Aug 30 2021, 12:45 pm

amother [ Stoneblue ] wrote:

Parenting genius kids makes you understand why, in situations where the kids are significantly more intelligent than the parents, the chance that the parents will abuse the children skyrockets.

Wow, this is real???? That explains a lot Punch

amother

Eggshell

Mon, Aug 30 2021, 12:53 pm

I have some children who I think are gifted, others who are average. The thing is, that my average children are also more spunky and outspoken. So my average child was speaking and counting at a young age, but she pointed when she counted. My above average children did not point and they knew that there were 8 balls even when they were 16 months old. Like this they go under the radar, so to speak. My average children speak a lot and say cute things, but my above average children speak much less but use more mature language. It's different.
Most children are not gifted so the parents who say it are wrong lol.

Kiwi13

Mon, Aug 30 2021, 12:56 pm

I think it's nice when parents think the world of their kids. It's also nice when they're tasteful about it, but I'd prefer a world where all parents cherish their kids and see their best qualities and can't help gushing over them, over a world where even the parents measure their kids strictly against standard milestone guides and label them "average."

The truth is, most people are average at most things... but most/all people also have an area where they shine brighter than the rest. Parents can help their kids find that area and polish it until it sparkles.

amother

Stoneblue

Mon, Aug 30 2021, 1:04 pm

amother [ Forestgreen ] wrote:

Wow, this is real???? That explains a lot Punch

I can't find it now but DH told me about the research years ago.

Luckily intelligence is highly heritable, so parents and children tend to have similar IQs. The issue shows up more in non-biological parenting or when mothers were exposed to lead poisoning or other IQ-depressing factors (as well as in families where one parent is significantly more intelligent than the other).

amother

Stoneblue

Mon, Aug 30 2021, 1:06 pm

Kiwi13 wrote:

I don't see it as parents thinking the world of their kids. I see it as parents trying to use their kids as an ego boost, or trying to make everyone impressed with their children.

Parents who think the world of their kids treasure their children no matter what their intelligence and find what to love about their children, objective intelligence aside.

A need to tell the world how smart your child is, is not the same as thinking the world of your child.

Hashem_Yaazor

Mon, Aug 30 2021, 1:25 pm

amother [ Stoneblue ] wrote:

LOL this is literally my favorite brag to listen to.

People talk about how many teeth their kids have at such and such an age, with so much pride you'd think their kids had been elected valedictorian at age 2. It's hilarious. I'm just happy mine stay toothless until their first birthdays. It makes extended breastfeeding that much easier!

(My 18 month old has all her teeth and is still nursing. The one above nursed till 2 with all her teeth as well... Don't worry about teeth so much 😉

No, not bragging. Totally don't have any pride in this, just don't want people to stop nursing because of teeth coming in!)

amother

Diamond

Mon, Aug 30 2021, 1:30 pm

I have two kids who have tested Gifted and Very Gifted, and while I thank Hashem let me tell you it is a HUGE HUGE challenge socially, academically, emotionally, and behaviorally. No, maybe I don’t have to pay for tutors to help my kid because they’re behind - I have to pay for therapists to acclimate them to their peers (or to the world in general), psychiatrists for the ADHD that often comes along with giftedness, and believe it or not tutors because the kid is too bored to listen to a teacher repeat anything and so misses out!!!! Don’t forget the therapists for the siblings who get bullied by the gifted kids who find life so “boring” that they beat up the other kids for “excitement”. Or all the $$$ extra curriculars that are never enough anyway.

I thank Hashem daily that this is my beautiful peckel but let me tell you it is a peckel!!! Let’s all thank Hashem for the genius children, the “normal” children, the learning disabled children, etc etc - there’s nothing to boast about anyway because He gave you them and you had no impact on whether their IQ is 100, 120, 140 or whatever.

Anon because mentioning my kids’ giftedness to anyone other than a therapist or doctor would be the crassest thing ever to my mind

amother

Stoneblue

Mon, Aug 30 2021, 1:30 pm

Hashem_Yaazor wrote:

I definitely don't, but there's a big difference between telling a 12mo to "nurse nicely" and taking a 12mo off the breast for biting, and doing the same for a 5mo or 6mo.

The 12mo understands more what it means to "nurse nicely" and if s/he refuses and we end up weaning after a few weeks to a month, it's not the biggest deal. For a 5mo/ 6mo, that would mean early weaning - not good at all.

(BH I am still nursing an almost 3yo, with a mouth full of teeth...and an almost 1yo who is still blissfully toothless...)

amother

Stoneblue

Mon, Aug 30 2021, 1:33 pm

amother [ Diamond ] wrote:

I have two kids who have tested gifted and very gifted, and while I thank Hashem let me tell you it is a HUGE HUGE challenge socially, academically, emotionally, and behaviorally. No, maybe I don’t have to pay for tutors to help my kid because they’re behind - I have to pay for therapists to acclimate them to their peers (or to the world in general), psychiatrists for the ADHD that often comes along with giftedness, and believe it or not tutors because the kid is too bored to listen to a teacher repeat anything and so misses out!!!! Don’t forget the therapists for the siblings who get bullied by the gifted kids who find life so “boring” that they beat up the other kids for “excitement”. Or all the $$$ extra curriculars that are never enough anyway.

I thank Hashem daily that this is my beautiful peckel but let me tell you it is a peckel!!! Let’s all thank Hashem for the genius children, the “normal” children, the learning disabled children, etc etc - there’s nothing to boast about anyway because He gave you them and you had no impact on whether their IQ is 100, 120, 140 or whatever.

You forgot the therapist for the gifted child who is bullied by peers and the gifted child who understands the complexities of covid, politics, etc. and develops anxiety from too much age-inappropriate knowledge.

amother

Diamond

Mon, Aug 30 2021, 1:38 pm

amother [ Stoneblue ] wrote:

You forgot the therapist for the gifted child who is bullied by peers and the gifted child who understands the complexities of covid, politics, etc.

OMG YES

I’m so busy with my gifted kid who struggles with empathy for anyone other than themselves (BH BH tested shy of psychopath but it’s still a struggle) that I forgot about that!!! The poor gifted kids who can’t sleep because they’re worrying about social problems or whatever. One of my kids is hugely anxious because they can “see” all the layers of meaning and social injustice being done etc etc - they can’t turn it off…

And the BULLYING

So much to be grateful for and yet being a genius can be a curse as well as a blessing. Certainly nothing to boast about.

(I have a sibling who is a certified genius and the pressure and boredom of their brain was so great they are the equivalent of a bag lady today, can barely function in society, can’t keep a job for years, can’t eat, can barely keep basic hygiene…)

keym

Mon, Aug 30 2021, 1:58 pm

Under my screen name.
I only have one scenario where I've ever been tempted to tell other playgroup parents that my kids is smart.
I have September birthday kids that I choose not to hold back in a world where many parents choose to.
That means practically my kids are some of the youngest in the class even though the deadline is not for another 3 months
When people challenge me "why aren't you holding him back" I have to bite my tongue to just say a parve that's what we decided as opposed to bragging about my child just so the other parents stop criticizing my decisions.
Yup I know I need to have more confidence in my choices.