Are sleepovers necessary?

amother

Bellflower

Sun, Sep 26 2021, 6:44 pm

amother [ Acacia ] wrote:

Only for good reason. (My mom had a baby, my parents went away...) and only to families (relatives, close friends, neighbors) that they knew very well.

Right so you don’t know what you’re missing and it’s probably not done in your community. For communities that’s it’s done in, it’s absolutely normal and formative and wonderful. Oh and there is a good reason: fun!!

amother

Acacia

Sun, Sep 26 2021, 6:47 pm

amother [ Bellflower ] wrote:

I don't parent according to what others do.
I don't think this is something that's community dependent though. I think it's family dependent. I don't know what others in my community do.

amother

Ballota

Sun, Sep 26 2021, 6:49 pm

amother [ Acacia ] wrote:

Bh no bad experience. But I know girls that did have bad experience. I don't think sleepovers should be done for no good reason. Bh my kids have a house and bed. When there's a reason for a sleepover, they get to have one. I think today's days we need to be more vigilant. Our school anyways doesn't allow it so it's basically a non issue. It's a new rule from last year, in some grades the sleepovers were out of hand.

Sleepovers are fun, and a good experience for kids, just like other activities. Nothing will happen if kids don't go to amusement parks, but it's a good experience for kids. Living life in a fashion where you only do things for a good reason can become stifling for kids. I agree that we do need to be more vigilant today's day, but we have to be wary of holding a very short leash for them.

amother

Acacia

Sun, Sep 26 2021, 6:55 pm

amother [ Ballota ] wrote:

Whoa! Since when are sleepovers a must?? Not allowing sleepovers doesn't make a parent stifling or holding a very short leash! Oh god! We all parent different and I'm sure you don't allow your kids to do certain things that my kids are allowed. Me not parenting the way you do doesn't make me stifling or holding a short leash. Bh there are plenty other ways for kids to have fun besides for sleepovers.

amother

Ballota

Sun, Sep 26 2021, 6:59 pm

amother [ Acacia ] wrote:

Whoa - why are you taking it to this extreme. I didn't say it's a must, I just said it's an enjoyable experience, that shouldn't necessarily have such an absolute line set against it. There could be times when it's appropriate and times when its not. I generally don't take absolute stances against anything. I judge each situation according to its unique circumstances.

amother

Bellflower

Sun, Sep 26 2021, 7:06 pm

amother [ Acacia ] wrote:

It was and is done in my community. I don't parent according to what others do.
I don't think this is something that's community dependent though. I think it's family dependent.

So all of the kids in your kids’ classes have sleepovers but your kids just don’t go? Do they suffer socially? Do they complain? I Literally never heard of ‘no sleepovers’ as a parenting shittah

amother

Acacia

Sun, Sep 26 2021, 7:09 pm

amother [ Bellflower ] wrote:

My community doesn't exist of only my kids classmates. I said that MY classmates had sleepovers. (And not ALL.) If you read my previous posts, you'll see that I wrote that my kids school doesn't allow sleep overs so it's basically a non issue for us.

amother

Acacia

Sun, Sep 26 2021, 7:11 pm

amother [ Ballota ] wrote:

Whoa - why are you taking it to this extreme. I didn't say it's a must, I just said it's an enjoyable experience, that shouldn't necessarily have such an absolute line set against it. There could be times when it's appropriate and times when its not. generally don't take absolute stances against anything. I judge each situation according to its unique circumstances.

As I said before, we do allow sleepovers for good reason. It's not and absolute never.

amother

Bellflower

Sun, Sep 26 2021, 7:14 pm

amother [ Acacia ] wrote:

As I said before, we do allow sleepovers for good reason. It's not and absolute never.

Sleepover to your sister when you have a baby isn’t the sleepover you’re referring to. And I thought I read that it was a new school rule, not one that always existed.

amother

Acacia

Sun, Sep 26 2021, 7:17 pm

amother [ Bellflower ] wrote:

Sleepover to your sister when you have a baby isn’t the sleepover you’re referring to. And I thought I read that it was a new school rule, not one that always existed.

I don't really have family in my city so when they are away, they're at friends.
It's a new rule from last year. It's the second year the rule is in effect. The school made the rule because the sleepovers were getting out of hand in some grades. But this was our policy even before the school made this rule.

SixOfWands

Sun, Sep 26 2021, 7:17 pm

amother [ Acacia ] wrote:

No, sleepovers aren't necessary.

Neither is having more than 2 outfits, and 1 pair of shoes. Or eating anything other than rice and beans for all 3 meals, 7 days a week.

Sleepovers are fun for kids. They let them experience their friends' homes and family lives, exposing them to different things. They let them stay up late without needing to get home, which will allow them to do more and different things.

amother

Acacia

Sun, Sep 26 2021, 7:19 pm

SixOfWands wrote:

How is a sleepover just for fun even put in the same category as clothing and food?
And why can't you fathom that we all parent differently and we all allow our kids to do or not do different things??? Sleepovers are not the one and only ultimate way of having fun.

amother

Bellflower

Sun, Sep 26 2021, 7:34 pm

amother [ Acacia ] wrote:

Sleepovers are a bit like candy. Not necessary. Just for fun. But NOT having candy seems onerous to me too

SixOfWands

Sun, Sep 26 2021, 7:34 pm

amother [ Acacia ] wrote:

I can fathom that you parent differently. You're the one who is on the attack, not anyone else.

The point is that a lot of things aren't necessary, but are fun and good and enjoyable. Like a nice new dress, a piece of jewelry, or a delicious brisket. And sleepovers.

amother

Acacia

Sun, Sep 26 2021, 7:41 pm

SixOfWands wrote:

Attack?
I didn't say whether it is or isn't necessary. I just said what we do and some posters have a hard time fathoming it.

amother

Beige

Sun, Sep 26 2021, 7:42 pm

Menahel of our boy's school strongly cautioned against sleepovers for no reason.
Said there are kids who end up in therapy because of what can go one at night behind closed doors.....

amother

cornflower

Sun, Sep 26 2021, 7:44 pm

I'll tell you this: I wasn't allowed to have sleepovers almost ever as a kid. I resented it but moved on.

My kids were allowed to have sleepovers without restrictions and they asked for it.... maybe 5-6 times each, over their whole lives?

I don't think sleepovers are that necessary, and if they're not common in your circles, your kids might not really want to have them that often anyway.

But if they're very common in your community then you might want to reconsider so that your kids aren't left out.. Just a thought.

notshanarishona

Sun, Sep 26 2021, 7:48 pm

I think it’s annoying as a parent but one of those things that all kids want to experience a couple times a year. It’s not fair to exclude your kid and make them be the only one who never has one. I don’t allow them regularly but a couple times a summer and for a birthday or other special event why not.

amother

Tiffanyblue

Sun, Sep 26 2021, 7:48 pm

When I was a child, I had to break my Russian parents into the idea of sleepovers. It was very strange to them culturally, but an expected part of friendship in our American suburb in the 90's. They forbade it initially, but ultimately relented. I am so grateful that they listened to me and did not stand on principle.

Like some PP's, I don't think sleepovers are inherently necessary. Even if everyone in the community does them, maybe some kids don't mind being in the minority.

But if you have a kid who does mind, who asks you repeatedly, who begs, pleads, and argues with you, who tries to bribe you with whatever is in their little kid sphere of control, then I think it is very "expensive" (emotionally, socially, relationship-wise) to stand firm and forbid it completely.

amother

Acacia

Sun, Sep 26 2021, 7:53 pm

amother [ Bellflower ] wrote:

Sleepovers are a bit like candy. Not necessary. Just for fun. But NOT having candy seems onerous to me too

Again, I did not say that my kids never have sleepovers. And sleepovers are not like candy, not even a comparison.