Help me overcome my guilt

amother

Mon, Oct 04 2021, 11:44 am

justforfun87 wrote:

Can you afford to send snacks for all the kids?

It's not an expense I can easily swing but I would do it to be able to keep my kid in the playgroup. Also, the morah often feeds them her own snacks.

amother

Mon, Oct 04 2021, 11:49 am

So I am just wondering, all of you mothers with children that have severe allergies...would you pull your kid out of a playgroup in my situation?

Again, it's only 3 or 4 other kids. The morah is very conscientious. She makes sure that my kid is in a stroller when the other kids eat. But they bring boiled eggs, fish sticks, string cheese, sesame crackers, milk bottles...all things that my son is allergic to.

I'm planning to discuss this with the allergist today, but wondering if other mom think this is an okay situation or definitely too risky? (I leave an epipen with the morah and I showed her many times how to use it. )

amother

Mon, Oct 04 2021, 11:51 am

dankbar wrote:

My daughter had such a kid in class. They sent home a note to parents not to send any snack to school but the school provided snack to everyone, every day.

Did you find that to be an imposition or a help?
Also, what about lunch? Did you not have to send lunch either?

notshanarishona

Mon, Oct 04 2021, 11:53 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I would pull out. Toddlers put everything in their mouth and share germs very generously. And milk / bottle before nap is a huge staple for many toddlers

amother

Peru

Mon, Oct 04 2021, 11:56 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Thank you for this nusach. I think it's very well put. I still feel a little guilty because I think all the mothers will agree, but inwardly would feel put out. I think most mothers would not insist on sending dairy in the face of such a request. But doesn't mean they wouldn't feel put out by it.😕

I would see this as a Chessed and I would be happy to do it for you. This is what Yiddishkeit is about. And I don't have kids with allergies..

dankbar

Mon, Oct 04 2021, 11:57 am

You said your child is allergic to peanut, dairy & fish, so what options does a mom have to send their child for lunch?
No cream cheese, butter, or cheese sandwich. No farina, yogurt, pudding, leven, cheese snacks, slice american cheese. Formula, or oatmeal with milk, cereal with milk, cottage cheese.
No peanut butter sandwich, protein bar, granola.
No tuna or lox sandwich.
Only protein left is egg or chummus.

I think it's unfair for their kids to have such limited diets due to your son's multiple severe allergies, and they should be limited as if they are allergic themselves. It also puts more work on mom to cook eggs or make egg salad.

You are best off to keep him home with a sitter or send him to such a special needs program that caters to allergies as well or a regular daycare with a shadow, you hire on your own.

Maybe you would consider providing the meals for all, with your limitations so moms or babysitter don't have the pressure or hassle.

It isn't fair to babysitter either, to have this responsibility of cross contamination & then she will be blamed if something happens, if a kid brings a forbidden food. Otherwise she needs to replace the meal, on her expense.

amother

Hosta

Mon, Oct 04 2021, 11:59 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I sent my kids to playgroup. Lunchtime was supervised, my kid sat at diff table.

With 3-4 kids I would definitely send.

bsy

Mon, Oct 04 2021, 12:00 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Did you find that to be an imposition or a help?
Also, what about lunch? Did you not have to send lunch either?

If school provided the snacks and lunch, I'd have no problem. But to eliminate all the options of lunch that I would send is a big imposition.

dankbar

Mon, Oct 04 2021, 12:01 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Did you find that to be an imposition or a help?
Also, what about lunch? Did you not have to send lunch either?

It was in day camp. School provided breakfast, lunch & snacks. Girl had a shadow to keep her away from the allergens in school. School anyway has a policy no snacks from home, but then it was strictly enforced. If a kid brought snack from home, it was taken away.

My daughter once arrived late with a dairy sandwich in hand & teacher didn't let my dgtr eat her sandwich in class. It was past mealtime. By meals this girl stayed in the classroom while everyone ate in the lunchroom. She made everyone wash their hands & face well after an allergen meal.

amother

Mon, Oct 04 2021, 12:02 pm

dankbar wrote:

Actually he is allergic to eggs and sesame as well. Crying

amother

Hosta

Mon, Oct 04 2021, 12:03 pm

bsy wrote:

If school provided the snacks and lunch, I'd have no problem. But to eliminate all the options of lunch that I would send is a big imposition.

What is school providing for lunch?
Pasta every day?

Op does your kid eat coconut yogurt? Avacado?
You need some options for your kid too?

amother

Tulip

Mon, Oct 04 2021, 12:04 pm

If I was asked nicely as suggested, my answer would depend on my child. I would like to agree, but if my child wouldn't really eat otherwise, I might nees to say no. And then I would feel horrible, and the mom would know that I said no if she asked me directly. And if the teacher asked, she would still know one of us did. I don't know what a substitute for milk bottles is.

scintilla

Mon, Oct 04 2021, 12:08 pm

I'm a preschool teacher and I can remember 2 students in my school (didn't personally teach them) who were anaphylactic to dairy. I'll tell you what we did for each, however keep in mind that the school provides all food (hot lunch & snacks).

One was in the 2s class and the mother would pick her up before lunch because it invariably had dairy on it. Another was in the 4s class, and they either had one teacher take her out at lunch time and give her just the dairy free components of the meal, or gave the whole class an alternative meal (half the lunches were fleishig so it was more workable).

I don't see how you could do the second option, but if you're considering keeping him home anyways, maybe snacks (provided by parents or by you) can be dairy free and you pick him up before lunch? Definitely not the most convenient option but at least then he gets some social interaction, which I agree is so valuable at this age.

Hatzlacha!!

dankbar

Mon, Oct 04 2021, 12:10 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Actually he is allergic to eggs and sesame as well. Crying

I only saw that later, so no eggs, techina or any bread, roll, bagel or crackers that have sesame seeds on them either.

amother

Mon, Oct 04 2021, 12:23 pm

amother [ Peru ] wrote:

I would see this as a Chessed and I would be happy to do it for you. This is what Yiddishkeit is about. And I don't have kids with allergies..

Thank you Amother Peru.

I appreciate everyone's honest answers but this thread is making me depressed and even more anxious than I was previously. I am up at nights worrying about him.
But your post warmed my heart so thank you. ❤

amother

Mon, Oct 04 2021, 12:28 pm

dankbar wrote:

I only saw that later, so no eggs, techina or any bread, roll, bagel or crackers that have sesame seeds on them either.

To clarify, I wasn't thinking to ask them not to send anything with fish, eggs or sesame. Just dairy.

I don't know how severely he is allergic to the others because I don't know that he was ever exposed to any of those (and he definitely is good with baked goods containing eggs.)

Just milk because I know even trace amounts are poison for him.

Anyway, I have some questions for the allergist today. I will be seeing him shortly.

amother

Mon, Oct 04 2021, 12:32 pm

[quote="amother [ Hosta ]"

Op does your kid eat coconut yogurt? Avacado?
You need some options for your kid too?[/quote]

Yes, coconut, almond and soy yogurt.
He avoids all fruits and veggies (he has food avoidance), so no avocado. He won't eat baby jars or pureed soup. Or chicken soup.

The only foods he eats are oatmeal with almond milk, cholent, crackers, muffins and cookies. Also dairy free yogurt occasionally.

One time, he ate white rice.

EtA. He also likes raisins, pretzels and applesauce in a pouch.

keym

Mon, Oct 04 2021, 12:45 pm

I would talk to the allergist first.

If the allergies are airborne, I would pull him from the group.

If it's not airborne, I would not request dairy-free from the other parents. It's way too big of an ask for toddlers, really not doable, and lulls you into a false sense of security.
Because they'll forget that the toddler ate a string cheese in the car and won't wash hands. Or forget that the bottle had milk and wasn't scrubbed with soap. Or forgot that the pancakes are made with dairy.

What I would do if I were the Morah is have very strict eating and drinking in high chair only rules. No walking around with any bottles or cups, even of water or juice.

Hands and face washed immediately upon arrival. All eating in high chairs and hands and face scrubbed after eating.

If someone else is eating, your child goes in high chair or stroller so they don't get curious or touch the leftovers.

Garbage can gets moved to a different room and high chairs get cleaned well before your child comes out of high chair.

Way more doable than going dairy free.
BTW, I have children who have allergies.

watergirl

Mon, Oct 04 2021, 12:51 pm

If its a small playgroup, why cant the morah keep everyone in their highchairs for snack and meals and then wipe everyone down very well after? I worked in a few licensed daycares and ECEs in schools and that's what we literally had to do according to regulations. Chair trays and table surfaces were cleaned with a special cleaner after each meal or snack. This is very easy to put into effect and no exposure for your child and no added tircha for the other parents.