I am married to a man with mental illness AMA

amother

Mauve

Fri, Oct 08 2021, 9:23 am

amother [ Apple ] wrote:

How do you keep yourself from getting depressed? Do you see a therapist regularly? If yes, when do you stop?

Not OP but yes I do see a therapist. I have no plans of stopping. I need support in my life, things always come up. But I go biweekly, and not at all during the summer....so she's a presence in my life, but it's not all the time or too much.

amother

Fri, Oct 08 2021, 10:17 am

amother [ Apple ] wrote:

How do you keep yourself from getting depressed? Do you see a therapist regularly? If yes, when do you stop?

At present I am not seeing a therapist. I have in the past here and there. I have not found anyone yet that I feel is really good and really helpful. I was in a support group about 10 years ago but it was not a good group for me by the time I left the group. I have to find a group like that again. It helped so much.

amother

Mauve

Fri, Oct 08 2021, 10:23 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I have never joined a support group. Do you worry about confidentiality in such a group?

lovingmommy3417

Fri, Oct 08 2021, 11:03 am

I just want to put it out there that everyone will MI has different experiences and therefore so do there spouses. My husband has a few diagnoses and we have an absolutely amazing marriage, for the most part we manage it during day to day life very well, and I stay with my husband bec he is amazing despite his challenges. You would NEVER know if you met my husband. Most people dont know and he is a prominent member of our community. He is on (many) meds, sees a therapist, and is constantly working on himself. MI doesnt mean that it ruins your life.

amother

Mauve

Fri, Oct 08 2021, 11:15 am

lovingmommy3417 wrote:

Very well said.
I think alot of this may be related to your husband's own self-image.
Unfortunately my in-laws were not supportive, and even desparaging, of my husband when he went thru his initial symptoms. They totally blamed him for it, rather than get him help and therapy, told him he has to shape up...like he could cure himself. The result is a life-long struggle with accepting himself, even when he has gotten loads of help later on....he resists therapy because he blames himself for needing it. I often think our challenges are more about his low self-esteem than his actual diagnosis, which is well-managed by meds. If he would be proactive like your husband, then his MI would just be an occasional blip.

One of my children also has same diagnosis as my DH but is totally different. She got help right away when she started experiencing symptoms. We got her great therapy and she knows this is just what she was given in life, no fault of her own, like people have diabetes or even eyeglass, she has to take mood-stabilizing medication. No issues with self-image. You would never know if you met her that she has MI. She is pursuing an advanced degree while working at a related job, she's successful, well-liked, etc....

amother

Mauve

Fri, Oct 08 2021, 11:30 am

amother [ Khaki ] wrote:

Just wondering, anger issues is considered mental illness, or just someone that cant control themselves. My teenage son, every so often if he gets upset will throw things or rip things. Besides therapy, is there medication for that.

I would think it depends on the root underlying cause, and if it's really something he can't control.

amother

Sun, Oct 10 2021, 8:51 am

lovingmommy3417 wrote:

Same with my husband. If someone meets him on the street or at work, they would have no idea he has mental health issues.
I am convinced that because I am his wife, he lets everything hang out, warts and all, and it should be that way, so I get to see him when the mental illnesses strike.
Our marriage is not great but its not bad either. We just work extremely hard at it. Probably harder than if he was not sick. But he is.

amother

Sun, Oct 10 2021, 8:53 am

amother [ Chambray ] wrote:

I understand that dh recognizes that he has mental illness. Does he recognize all the things that he does that are part of that, or are there many things that he insists are not a part and are not problems?

Do you have any access to his treatment team (psychiatrist, psychologust)?

My husband is sometimes aware of what he does that are part of his illnesses and sometimes he is completely unaware that its scary how much he doesnt see it.
Yes, I have access to his doctors and treatment plans.

amother

Sun, Oct 10 2021, 8:56 am

amother [ Khaki ] wrote:

My husband's anger issues are not directly related to his mental illness, but are from his abusive childhood which brought about his depression and cptsd. So for him it is indirectly related.

amother

Sun, Oct 10 2021, 9:00 am

amother [ Mauve ] wrote:

This all the way. My husband's father abused everyone verbally, mentally and emotionally. My husband has zero self esteem and cant even accept any positive feedback and let me not even start on the fact that he can neve say I love you to me or give me a compliment. Its not fun, on either end of that.
My husband is in therapy and takes medication because a few years ago I gave him an ultimatum. But thats a different thread.

lavenderchimes

Sun, Oct 10 2021, 6:31 pm

Hey, I just want to say as someone with CPTSD, ADD, and chronic depression, it can get better. It was hard for me to find the right fit in psychiatrist that I felt I could be totally honest with, who would help me find the right meds, and to find the right therapists (there were 3 great ones in a row!) who I really felt comfortable with and had a modality that helped me. I was on and off suicidal for years as I really despaired of improving my mentao health, but now I am med-free and pretty happy most of the time😊

amother

Lightblue

Sun, Oct 10 2021, 9:10 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Op I can cry, you are describing my dh to the T. A lot of childhood abuse including lots of molestation.
My dh is in therapy for many many years, progress is very slow. Can I ask what medication helps your dh? What bothers me most about my dh is his anger and frustration. Wondering what medication was prescribed for that

amother

Mon, Oct 11 2021, 5:37 am

amother [ DarkMagenta ] wrote:

Oh - I hope you have lots of support and sources of comfort, good ways to recharge your batteries and feel cared for and appreciated.

If you don't mind sharing, how is your husband as a father?

He is an ok father. He doesnt really show that many emotions but my children know that their father loves them. He is the fun parent.
When he tries to discipline, it usually does not end well. There is a lot of yelling and anger on his part. He knows he is doing exactly what his father did and he either does not know how to not be that way or its unintentional, not sure, but I do not like it when he tries to discipline. Other than that, he is ok.