Should I stick to the consequence? TIME SENSITIVE

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Forum -> Parenting our children

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amother

Thu, Oct 07 2021, 7:14 pm

Ds6 didn’t like what I made him for supper tonight. He keeps trying to avoid eating this food, but since he’s such a picky eater, he gets this food every once in a while. I prepared his plate and told him he’s not getting anything else to eat unless and until he eats what I prepared for him. He said ok and went to play. I reminded him that his food is getting cold and that I will not rewarm it. It’s freezing now and there’s no way he’ll eat it. Should I back off or stick to my words?

tymama

Thu, Oct 07 2021, 7:16 pm

Why don’t you warm it up for him

caffeine99

Thu, Oct 07 2021, 7:18 pm

Stick to your plan. You made it clear. If he comes back and asks you then you can warm it.

amother

Thu, Oct 07 2021, 7:19 pm

Because I said earlier that I won’t rewarm. He’s done it in the past, and I stuck to my word. That time I told him the only way to get it warmed up is if I add more (hot ones) from the pot, which meant he ate more of it as a consequence

Rutabaga

Thu, Oct 07 2021, 7:19 pm

Why are you forcing him to eat a food you know he doesn't like?

amother

Thu, Oct 07 2021, 7:21 pm

Rutabaga wrote:

Why are you forcing him to eat a food you know he doesn't like?

Because I’ve have it with preparing 3 different dinners every night. One for dh, one for ds6, and one for ds4
Thursday night I just make 1 thing and they need to eat what I prepared. It’s getting to me

happy chick

Thu, Oct 07 2021, 7:24 pm

You should stick to your word, but you cannot let a 6 yo go to sleep hungry. Tell him if he's really hungry, he can have a plain slice of bread.

sequoia

Thu, Oct 07 2021, 7:25 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Your husband, the ADULT, can make his own food.

amother

DarkGreen

Thu, Oct 07 2021, 7:26 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I wouldn’t force a kid to skip dinner. Can you give an alternative of a sandwich or something easy?

amother

Ghostwhite

Thu, Oct 07 2021, 7:26 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

According to child feeding experts, if you serve a meal you're not sure the child likes or you know he doesn't like it, you should always serve a food you know they always like a.k.a. a "safe food". Being that you almost set him up for failure by serving a meal you knew he didn't like, you should probably warm it up and ask him what you can do next time to make the meal more appealing to him. Make it into a problem solving issue instead of "giving in" so that you can uphold the boundary without making it a problem. It's always okay to say "I changed my mind, I shouldn't have said that." Parents are human, too.

amother

Anemone

Thu, Oct 07 2021, 7:28 pm

Gosh
I feel sorry for the poor kid
You do NOT need to cook three dinners but you shouldn’t be forcing them to eat either. Definitely not yucky congealed food.
I prepare one dinner, serve it, and everyone knows they can also help themselves to fruit, crackers or rice cake. My kids are little. This system works great.
Ellyn satter is great. Google to find her methods.
For now , stick to your word but place some simple dry food like crackers on the counter or somewhere he will understand that he can take from it if he wants.
Do not under any circumstances get into power struggles when it comes to food.

amother

Bone

Thu, Oct 07 2021, 7:37 pm

Look up Ellyn Satter division of responsibility.
It's not also not fair for a 6 yr old, he wants to play and isn't mature enough to go through the thinking process of cold food If he plays. His job is to play. Your job is to take care of him

amother

Iris

Thu, Oct 07 2021, 7:40 pm

When my kids don’t want the prepared food they can help themselves to available food. No need to cook multiple meals. They can have cereal, bread, or fruits and vegetables.

nte

Thu, Oct 07 2021, 7:49 pm

Never force a kid to eat a specific food. No good can come from that.

amother

Thu, Oct 07 2021, 7:53 pm

I agree with all of you and never do it to any other food, but he used to like it and decided to cancel one more food from his already limited diet.

amother

Cornsilk

Thu, Oct 07 2021, 7:59 pm

By making a dinner you knew he wouldn't eat, you set him up for failure. But you threatened him so now your in a hard place.
You can't let him go to bed hungry. Best you can do is apologize and explain that it's difficult for you to make food that everyone likes so your not making something else but he's welcome to cereal and milk, a sandwich, yogurt...
A tip for the future when you want to make something he won't early is another night of the week make doubles and put it away. That way you know he'll have what to eat.
He's too young to make it his problem to figure out. You need to figure it out for him.
Eta - I also have some picky eaters and do not make multiple suppers in 1 night but I make sure there's something for everyone. So if I know 1 kid doesn't like the protein I made I'll make sure to make a side dish that I know s/he will eat. That way I know everyone has what to eat and no one goes to sleep hungry. The downside is that not everyone is necessarily getting a nutritious supper so I try not to do that too often

amother

Thu, Oct 07 2021, 8:11 pm

In the end I warmed up his food (when I thought he wasn’t watching) and he ate it up. another night this week when I said I’m making pizza bread for him for supper, he said he doesn’t like it. He used to love it, but decided he doesn’t like it anymore. I refused to make him anything else, and eventually he ate and even asked for doubles! I think he is testing me right now.

#BestBubby

Thu, Oct 07 2021, 8:15 pm

Good for you. OP.

You know the details omitted in the Original Post. That there are foods he used to eat,
but is now refusing.

And you see that if you don't offer any substitutes he eats it without a fuss.

amother

Kiwi

Thu, Oct 07 2021, 10:21 pm

amother [ Bone ] wrote:

It's not also not fair for a 6 yr old, he wants to play and isn't mature enough to go through the thinking process of cold food If he plays

So this part I disagree with. Six is definitely old enough to understand cause and effect and consequences.

amother

Aubergine

Thu, Oct 07 2021, 10:48 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Plenty of people have a pattern of getting tired of food and needing to rotate. It's really difficult to deal with especially for picky eaters. But it's real, and something they struggle with. Try to understand he's not testing you.

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