Cleaning Lady sent a text

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Forum -> Household Management

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amother

Sat, Oct 16 2021, 11:49 pm

I have had a cleaning lady for 13 years.
We have had a lot of history together. She has always come through for me, especially at crunch time. I have been very good to her as well, always giving her gifts, food and driving her home. She always said she liked me very much.

She has pulled some shtick over the years, such as demanding a raise right before Pesach, 2 years in a row. A few times she said she can't work for me anymore for one reason or another, but we managed to solve it. Each time she said that her husband is making her do it.

Last week I told her that I will be out of town next Friday so she doesn't need to come then. (It's very unusual for me to be out of town for a weekend but I have a simcha.) I reminded her again yesterday that I will be out of town for a wedding so she doesn't need to come Friday. She said okay.

Tonight, I got this text from her:
Good evening --- to let you know that I am no longer going to continue working for you because in 13 years I respect your days I do not like what you tell me on Friday do not come I have another job thank you for everything

I'm just so weirded out by this because I actually was thinking on Friday that I think it's time to let her go but I knew I couldn't do it to her. I felt too loyal to her. But lately she has really been taking advantage of me in many ways. I am quite shocked but also quite happy about it.

amother

SandyBrown

Sat, Oct 16 2021, 11:53 pm

Seems like she wanted to leave anyway and found herself an excuse

amother

Cerise

Sat, Oct 16 2021, 11:54 pm

Then gam zu l’tova

amother

Mintcream

Sat, Oct 16 2021, 11:54 pm

Offer to pay her for the day. (If you have not.)
Whenever I cancel my cleaning lady for the day, I pay her for the missed day.

amother

Sat, Oct 16 2021, 11:56 pm

amother [ SandyBrown ] wrote:

Seems like she wanted to leave anyway and found herself an excuse

It could be. I didn't think of it this way.

amother

DarkViolet

Sun, Oct 17 2021, 12:00 am

You should have offered to pay her anyway or another house to work in
If you want her back you can try offering to pay her for Friday

amother

Sun, Oct 17 2021, 12:02 am

amother [ Mintcream ] wrote:

Offer to pay her for the day. (If you have not.)
Whenever I cancel my cleaning lady for the day, I pay her for the missed day.

Here's the thing. If it was because of that, she could have asked me to pay her.
When my husband had covid, I told her not to come for 2 weeks. (At the time they were saying to quarantine for two weeks. ) she also said at the time she cant continue. Instead of asking me to pay her, she just presented it as "this is it- we're thru."
I had my Spanish friend call her and explain that it was for her own protection! In the end, I belirve I paid her for one week of missed work and she came back.

Anyway, I am so done with her. She was very good in a way, but in other ways she was really driving me crazy. In the last few weeks she started walking around the house with earphones in her ears, nonstop talking on the phone. I had asked her many times not to talk on the phone but when she thought I was out of hearing range, she would always jabber on the phone. And there were other issues.

I'm very nonconfrontational and it's very hard for me to be assertive. So I'm kind of happy this happened even if I am stuck now. Better to be stuck now than erev Pesach.

The only question is if I should respond to her text.

amother

Sun, Oct 17 2021, 12:03 am

amother [ DarkViolet ] wrote:

You should have offered to pay her anyway or another house to work in
If you want her back you can try offering to pay her for Friday

I don't want her back.
I'm sure she is expecting me to beg her on my hands and knees to come back like I have in the past.

shmosmom

Sun, Oct 17 2021, 12:05 am

I would say "ok it was nice working with you, good luck going forward" or something like that

amother

Obsidian

Sun, Oct 17 2021, 12:07 am

You don’t have to respond. Consider it a favor to you and move on. I would not recommend offering to pay for Friday at this point, perhaps you should have originally offered that but if you offer now it looks like you’re just desperate to keep her and that’s not a good dynamic to get yourself into, she will start to take advantage of you more and more. Time to move on.

Notsobusy

Sun, Oct 17 2021, 12:11 am

I think it's mentshlich to acknowledge her text and to say goodbye to someone who worked for you for so many years.

amother

Sun, Oct 17 2021, 12:15 am

amother [ Obsidian ] wrote:

I see it as amazing hashgacha pratis. Financially, things have been very tough lately and it was hard to come up with the cash every other week. She worked 3 days a week and I paid her at the end of two weeks. So I paid her Friday.

I was contemplating telling her that I need to cut her hours but I felt too bad to do it.

As far as looking desperate, as I said, she has done this type of shtick several times, and each time I acceded to her demands. Because I felt had no choice. It was either before pesach or before giving birth. This time, BH, it's neither of those.

flowerpower

Sun, Oct 17 2021, 12:40 am

Be happy that she is the one that left you. Now you’re off the hook and free. Tell her “I will miss you. Thank you for everything you have done. Have a great winter”.

amother

Calendula

Sun, Oct 17 2021, 12:46 am

I would have someone look after your house while you are away. Its spooky to me a cleaning lady stopping cuz your going away. And her knowing you for that many yrs

amother

Bergamot

Sun, Oct 17 2021, 12:50 am

She’s getting paid more- that’s what’s going on these days
Mine left for better pay too
They don’t know how to say it so they give a very lame excuse blaming you but you really did nothing wrong
Because cleaning ladies are suddenly asking for $18-$20 an hour if you are not willing to pay, you will not find another one.
I’m not willing to pay and I haven’t had help for 2 months. Not easy but I won’t give in.

amother

Apricot

Sun, Oct 17 2021, 12:54 am

I agree with others that you should acknowledge her text and wish her luck going forward. You weren't happy, and she saved you the trouble of firing her. It's all good.

It's important to recognize that you are also "pulling shtick" when you cancel on her and she has to lose a day's pay because you have a simcha.

If you do decide to hire someone else, you'd be wise to set out your expectations in advance. Decide together what happens when one of you cancels, whether she can expect a raise after two years, etc.

amother

Sun, Oct 17 2021, 1:21 am

amother [ Apricot ] wrote:

I acknowledged her text. I thanked her and said good luck going forward.

Your point about pulling shtick is well taken.
I have had many cleaning ladies in the past and I don't remember ever having to pay for the days I wasn't there. But maybe that was wrong of me. I understand a housekeeper that works for you every day. But she gets paid by the hour, and comes three days a week.

In any case, after my initial shock, I felt relief about how it all worked out. I couldn't really afford to have her so much anymore.

I'm considering chaninging things up and going with a cleaning crew, once a week. Does anyone here do that?

heidi

Sun, Oct 17 2021, 1:26 am

Just bcz you are going on vacation doesn't mean your housekeeper doesn't need to eat and pay her rent.
Good for you to remember going forward.

twizzlers1

Sun, Oct 17 2021, 1:44 am

When I had a regular cleaning lady. Talking once a week not more than that. I always paid her when I was going to be gone even if it was for a month in the summer. Otherwise why would she stay with me? She also needs to feed her family even if I'm on vacation. I'm only saying this so you can keep it in mind when you do find someone new.

Choirmistress

Sun, Oct 17 2021, 2:27 am

All you posters have made good points. But forgive my proofreader's reflex if I mention that "going forward" is a terrible way of saying "in future". First of all, "going forward" deals with physical position, when what you want to express deals with time. Secondly, it is an informal, even colloquial, expression that has no place in formal prose. Please, please, everyone here, give "going forward" the well-deserved boot out of your vocabulary! My eyes, my ears, and my love of English will all thank you.

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