People who call themselves "gifted" or "empaths" etc

amother

Papaya

Tue, Oct 19 2021, 8:02 am

Since I was a little kids I knew I was different. I always felt like I perceive the world differently. I put up a lot of boundaries, because otherwise the emotional overload is too much. I also try very hard to hide my “gift”. I don’t go around telling anyone I’m an empath…
How do I know I’m an empath? I literally feel the emotions that other people are experiencing. If I’m standing close to someone I can sometimes feel where they are experiencing physical pain in their body. I also have high intuition and can know what people are going to say or do….
I often get feelings that come true, which make me feel like I’m psychic sometimes.
I try to be as normal as possible and don’t share these things with anyone. I think real empathy don’t go around saying they are empaths.

ora_43

Tue, Oct 19 2021, 8:27 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

How do you know you're "more" than everyone else? For example, seeing an elderly man try to catch a bus makes me a bit sad, especially if he misses the bus....but I believe most people would feel the same way. What makes some of you proclaim yourselves to be "empaths"? Do you think you "feel' more than the average person? If yes, how do you measure that?

It's an interesting question and I think this applies to a lot of other things in life too. How do you know if you struggle socially more than other people? How do you know if it's harder for you to focus your attention, or if you just aren't trying as hard? How do you know if your memory is better, or if you're worse at recognizing faces, or... etc.

Davka giftedness I think is sometimes easy to detect. IQ tests aren't perfect but they're still a pretty good indicator. Also speed of learning. It's not easy to say where exactly the line is, but like, if someone is on the national math olympiad team it's safe to say they're gifted at mathematics.

But with a lot of things it's just a general sense of being different and there's no real way to be sure, because you've never been in anyone else's brain, only your own.

I think ultimately it comes down to, if over and over again you do what everyone else is doing but get wildly different results, there probably is some real difference going on. So like, being a bit sad to see someone miss the bus, no, but if you're regularly overwhelmed by emotion in situations where other people are like 'that's sad, what's for lunch' or 'wait, did something happen? I didn't notice anything' then yeah, there's probably something unique going on with you.

Zehava

Tue, Oct 19 2021, 8:57 am

ChassidishMommy wrote:

Not only personality disordered people.
Some real empaths can be very kind when they sense someone's vulnerability and pain, whereas when the other person is seen as a threat by them it's very hard not to offend them. They might not say anything but will carry a very deep grudge and be judgemental towards that person for like, forever, attributing it to being an HSP. At the end of the day they use their label to hurt, although indirectly, but it surely is felt.
Of course, this all depends on a person's level of emotional health.

I hear you. Can you blame someone though, for defending themselves against something they perceive as a threat, or as you you’re saying sometimes not saying anything but just avoiding that person? To me it seems like self-preservation. And how would you know they attribute it to being HSP if they don’t say anything?

ChassidishMommy

Tue, Oct 19 2021, 9:12 am

Zehava wrote:

Did I say I blame them? I said people are being hurt by them. I know they attribute it to HSP because they share experiences they had with others.
It's extremely hurtful to be perceived as a bad person. Even if they don't say anything, believe it or not - even non-empaths will feel when someone self-righteously blames, judges or hates them.
IME, people - including those with personality disorders - hurt others mostly or only out of self-preservation. It's not an excuse, it's not blame either. We all need to work through our insecurities so we don't hurt others, directly or indirectly.

amother

Clear

Tue, Oct 19 2021, 9:36 am

vintagebknyc wrote:

I'm an empath. I have never seen myself as "more" or "better" or "luckier" or a narcissist. I just have certain personality traits that not everyone has.

There are quizzes you can take, like the one from Dr. Elaine Aron, about being a sensitive person and empath; maybe that will make you understand more clearly than I can explain? https://hsperson.com/

I took that quiz and scored as a HSP. But I think that's because I've had a very difficult childhood and marriage and not because I'm an empath. I've become highly attuned to the moods of people around me so I can keep myself safe. But I'm also highly sensory to specific stimuli such as noise, smell and large crowds.

So does that make me an empath, or is it just being conditioned to this reality?

Fox

Tue, Oct 19 2021, 10:03 am

vintagebknyc wrote:

Moshiach is definitely on his way. You and I are agreeing all too frequently these days!

I've rarely heard people refer to themselves or others as "empaths" -- except recently on Imamother. But heightened empathy is definitely a characteristic of the 20 percent of the population that can be designated "Highly Sensitive People."

Being a highly sensitive person is like having blue eyes. It provides no particular benefit except in very narrow circumstances, and it certainly doesn't say anything about your intelligence, morality, or how you treat kittens and puppies.

There is a great deal of scientific evidence for this. Sophie Freud, Sigmund Freud's granddaughter, did research on highly sensitive people and hypothesized that they simply exhibit the extreme opposite of autism; they are more effective at picking up tiny non-verbal cues (along a spectrum).

In Listening to Prozac, an old book (1993) that is still an important one, Peter Kramer described how many highly sensitive people were helped by SSRI anti-depressants because they "took the edge off" of handling the avalanche of negative information HSP constantly get.

Personally, the biggest benefit I've received from this "diagnosis" is that I've learned to manage my environment more effectively. Mussar, education, and even entertainment are designed for the 80 percent of people who are not HS. But what seems like a small tap on the shoulder to others often feels like a sledgehammer to me. So I'm careful about what I read, watch, or expose myself to. If someone says, "Oh, I loved that book! It made me cry!" then I know it's not for me! What makes a non-HSP cry will send me into a near-depression.

Is being a HSP an advantage? No. Definitely not. Does it really help me to know that a cashier hates me (and probably all customers)? Does it help me to know that my husband's aunt is jealous of almost everyone? Not in the least. And that's the kind of information that HSP are inundated with. We almost never get good stock tips or avoid traffic jams as a result of our heightened empathy. Given a choice, I'd prefer the kind of superpower that would have told me to drop out of college and go to work as a secretary for Microsoft in 1979, assuring Bill Gates that he could pay me in stock whenever he was short on payroll.

ChassidishMommy

Tue, Oct 19 2021, 10:08 am

ChassidishMommy wrote:

Even if they don't say anything, believe it or not - even non-empaths will feel when someone self-righteously blames, judges or hates them.

Just want to add that when the bolded happens, the other person will usually start feeling horrible about themselves when being around the empath. But being a non-empath, they won't even be aware of the feeling or the reason. They'll just feel emotional danger and go into self-preservation themselves, using their own style of survival technique - which may be attacking, criticizing etc. This in turn causes more inner negativity with the empath and so the cycle continues.
Ultimately, both parties are hurting each other by their self-preservation.

princesswithaj

Tue, Oct 19 2021, 10:13 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Hi,

Yes empaths do feel more than others. The feelings you experience are complex. You would be able to understand the guy who missed his bus coz you experienced the same or similar. I would be able to understand the pain of someone even tho I didn't have a remote similar experience. My heart even sends messages when a friend isn't doing well and when I check out on them, it's true. My husband can testify.

My mom once cut her thumb really bad and I literally felt my own thumb throbbing. The pain or whatever feeling the other experiences literally becomes your own. Also, it's not only about feelings. Like, I detect other peoples true feelings even if they may be covering it up. I have to switch off and stop looking and reading others tho it's so hard as it happens unwillingly. That's what makes me an introvert and have a hate for crowds.

Empaths lack the filters most people use to protect themselves from excessive stimulation and can’t help but take in surrounding emotions and energies, whether they’re good, bad, or something in between.

vintagebknyc

Tue, Oct 19 2021, 10:23 am

Fox wrote:

Moshiach must be coming!

What struck me most about your post--fantastic post, btw--was "Personally, the biggest benefit I've received from this "diagnosis" is that I've learned to manage my environment more effectively." :

--We chose an apartment with a back bedroom because I couldn't handle the street noise, more than most people can't handle street noise

--Also, the white noise machines in both the bedroom and the office

--As a creative, my days are filled with colors and sounds. It's totally neutral colors here, no patterns: I need the place to be calm, not vibrant.

Managing my environment (like that question in the quiz about the lighting in a room. I wish that were a skill I could get paid for!)