Being from a "weird place"

Living Princess

Mon, Nov 01 2021, 5:03 pm

iyar wrote:

Pet peeve. I hate stereotypes but I'll say this anyway. Certain people belonging to certain segments of our society never study geography. Arizona, Argentina, Australia, all the same to them. If it's not inside their very own daled amos it might as well be on Mars. And you can see where someone would feel uncomfortable having their child marry a Martian.

I got bashed recently for making a comment like this.. even though it's true

doodlesmom

Mon, Nov 01 2021, 5:08 pm

Tbh when I was in shidduchim and was asked if I would marry someone from overseas, I said as long as their language is English.
I find the language barrier very difficult.

I married someone from London.

fleetwood

Mon, Nov 01 2021, 5:09 pm

dena613 wrote:

And yes, Dr. Mom’s cute pic was apropos.
I was once with a mix of in-town preteens. A girl from Los Angeles was at the event, and a few of the NY girls said. “Wow! You came all the way to the United States!!???”

Banging head

What's stupid stereotype..every ny girl knows California is in the U.S. Such a stupid stereotype .

fleetwood

Mon, Nov 01 2021, 5:10 pm

Reality wrote:

Another lovely thread bashing the tri-state area by all the super kind out of towners.

My family came from a "weird" place and almost every one of my many siblings married someone from a "typical" place.

So much for that theory.

Exactly..and it's us New Yorkers who are the rude ones,right? Such ignorance on this thread.

Kiwi13

Mon, Nov 01 2021, 5:46 pm

Okay so….

Would you rather be a normal person from a weird place?

Or a weird person from a normal place?

Or a weird person from a weird place? (I’ll let you join my club, but you gotta prove yourself 😜)

imaima

Mon, Nov 01 2021, 5:54 pm

iyar wrote:

I call it noble ignorance.

Contrary to the secular world where people are ashamed not to know something, in the frum world you shouldnt know more than the minimum, otherwise you are not sheltered enough.

bigsis144

Mon, Nov 01 2021, 5:56 pm

fleetwood wrote:

What's stupid stereotype..every ny girl knows California is in the U.S. Such a stupid stereotype .

If I hadn’t heard it in real life myself (being from Los Angeles), I would say it’s unfair against NYers too, but kids often show their cultural blindspots more readily than adults and this conflation of “America = New York (and maybe parts of New Jersey)” was something I saw multiple times as a kid. But I will say that I only heard it from kids/teens, not adults. And kids are naturally self-centered.

Dena613 wasn’t accusing all in-towners of ignorance (at least, I didn’t read that into her post). She was sharing an anecdote that unfortunately showed one particular person’s geographic sense of self-centeredness, and how they defined “America” to mean their bubble of familiarity.

Last edited by bigsis144 on Mon, Nov 01 2021, 6:01 pm; edited 1 time in total

Sunny Days

Mon, Nov 01 2021, 5:59 pm

iyar wrote:

I wonder what segment you’re referring to. If your referring to let’s say chasidish, then I can tell you that you’re totally out of line. I went to “the most frum school in NY” (ok, I know 1 that’s technically more extreme, but they still learn geography). Anyway, I can tell you not only the US map (including Canada & providences), but South American, European and Asian map. I’ll admit that we didn’t cover the African map in depth, and I don’t think we did the nitty gritty of Down Under, but we pretty much covered the world map and each country’s history and culture.

So please don’t stereotype and just say that some people either didn’t pay attention in school, forgot what they learned or just have no sense of direction so to speak.

-Yes, I’m offended

PeanutMama

Mon, Nov 01 2021, 5:59 pm

Lol I wasn’t bothered by it. I replied “definitely!” And told them that Arizona is the state next to California but it’s above Mexico, so I kinda understood why they thought I was not American. And to be fair I do have an accent when I speak 😄🙈

Now people come to me for information about the resorts there and then I’m like I have no idea what you talking about.

Mollie

Mon, Nov 01 2021, 6:00 pm

fleetwood wrote:

Exactly..and it's us New Yorkers who are the rude ones,right? Such ignorance on this thread.

I once had a conversation with a woman at a wedding who was from Toronto. When she heard I lived in Brooklyn she said “Really? I never would have guessed, you are so nice!” 🙄

Seems like a lot of anti NY brainwashing being done out of town.

Sunny Days

Mon, Nov 01 2021, 6:04 pm

Anyway, to answer ops question, I wouldn’t call it a “weird place”. but I guess people have their reservations for a small town? But then again, people have all kind of weird Hangups when it comes to shidduchim and wouldn’t listen to suggestions from “in town” but what they deemed not ideal...

Kiwi13

Mon, Nov 01 2021, 6:08 pm

Goodness I hope nobody is offended by my silliness. I only said BH about not caving to the pressure to move to NYC because for me personally it’s not the right place to be. Way too loud and busy and impersonal (because it’s too big to know everybody). There’s a reason I’m more excited about Afula than RBS. Also, I think it’s wrong to pressure people with the “you’ll be an old hag” stuff just because of location, and I’m grateful I withstood the pressure.

No offense at all meant to the Tri-state folks. ;-)

iyar

Mon, Nov 01 2021, 6:13 pm

Sunny Days wrote:

I'm sorry I offended you Sunny Days. You did preface your remarks by saying "IF you're referring..." but of course I didn't indicate what segment I was referring to so maybe your offense was conditional and not absolute? Either way, I'm not waiting for Elul- too far away and I'll definitely forget. I apologize Sunny Days, and hope you marry off all your kids to decidedly non-weird people from wonderful places.

OBnursemom

Mon, Nov 01 2021, 6:16 pm

I’m from The Midwest. Which apparently a weird place. My mother in law (not from NY) was shocked that someone would red her son (HER SON) a shidduch from a weird place. Being from OOT, I can tell you it’s not a NY thing. It’s a close minded thing or else a ‘my daled amos don’t include THAT place’ thing. You know- the kind of people who think your hometown is either somewhere in NY or South America (yes I was asked that question). I live in town now. Half of the city I live in has family in my hometown or know someone who knows someone. The other half make fun of my accent. I don’t think I’m close minded to say it feels super weird.

fleetwood

Mon, Nov 01 2021, 6:23 pm

bigsis144 wrote:

I understand..but it's a running theme on imamother that it's ok to bash new yorkers..I just want it known that it's not o.k.

keym

Mon, Nov 01 2021, 6:29 pm

OBnursemom wrote:

Same. I and my husband are from large Midwest cities.
When someone redt my brother in law a shidduch from NY or any other tri-state area, the family would sniff "we don't do New Yorkers".
I'm raising my kids in Lakewood, and their grandparents and cousins from the Midwest tease their accents, their ideas. But if we tease OOT in any way, we are snobby "in-towners".
Reverse snobbery is a real thing.

Raisin

Mon, Nov 01 2021, 6:34 pm

I'm from a very weird place. And yes, one of my kids did have a shidduch suggestion turned because we live in a remote place. And the person turning us down also lives in a 'weird place' but not nearly as weird as us! And actually, when I hear a shidduch suggestion where the person is also from a weird place, I think that might work better than if the person is from NY. NYers in particular are quite insular although this is a less of an issue in chabad. But I have met some fantastic NYers so silly to stereotype and I would not turn down a shidduch just becasue they are from NY.

It does happen to be that my kids seem to relate better to fellow weird place inhabitants.

iyar

Mon, Nov 01 2021, 6:39 pm

True, keym. We're good at snobbery. Did you notice who signed that amazing New Yorker cover DrMom shared? His name is Steinberg. It had to be. But no one is as good as us at caring about each other and opening our hearts and our pocketbooks to each other. No matter what weird places we end up in and no matter how many miles of snobbery divide us, there's still that invisible inscrutable thread that ties us together.

StrongMomma

Mon, Nov 01 2021, 6:45 pm

Here’s a thought- why don’t we all take all the real but no-point-in-arguing-about things mentioned in this thread, and just use them to help us teach ourselves and our kids to look at all Jews with an open mind and ayin tova?