Being from a "weird place"

Chayalle

Tue, Nov 02 2021, 9:59 am

notshanarishona wrote:

Maybe… but it’s also obnoxious to say you live in ——— , are there Jews there? Do you need to milk your own cows? Have you ever been inside a shul?
Sometimes when people ask dumb questions they deserve dumb answers.

Agreed, but I don't think it's so typical.

My in-town DD's know there are frum communities in many places all over the US and beyond.

And they wouldn't think these places need to milk their own cows. Though I can tell you, my father grew up in Vienna, and his family was makpid on CY, and yes, they had a rotation with other families where they used to take turns going to a farm to watch the milking.

No less than Rav Hutner once came there and asked them if the dairy meal being servied was CY, and how. My uncle, then a teen, had supervised the milking, and Rav Hutner ate in my grandparents' home.

I'd guess today CY is more readily available in Vienna, but back then it wasn't.

flowerpower

Tue, Nov 02 2021, 10:48 am

dena613 wrote:

And yes, Dr. Mom’s cute pic was apropos.
I was once with a mix of in-town preteens. A girl from Los Angeles was at the event, and a few of the NY girls said. “Wow! You came all the way to the United States!!???”

Banging head

California does want to break off from the US of A so.......

Ima03

Tue, Nov 02 2021, 10:51 am

Quote:

Either the kids were 5, or you were sent to a camp for kids with subpar intelligence. If you think that this is the norm then it’s a problem with you.

Nope!! It was a regular mainstream sleep away camp. I went going into 9th and 10th, so not little kids either.

Some of the tristate kids were just very very naïve and clueless. Their world revolved around the tristate area.

Being asked if I lived on the west coast or had to cross an ocean to get to camp in upstate NY (from Baltimore) was a bit ridiculous.

shabbatiscoming

Tue, Nov 02 2021, 11:12 am

This thread reminds me of the threads about "in" town and "out of" town. Only the people who believe they live "in" town think of anywhere else as "out" of town.
Its really all in one's perspective.
(I never heard of that phrase before I came to this site and I did grow up in the tri state area.)

notshanarishona

Tue, Nov 02 2021, 11:16 am

Ima03 wrote:

Quote:

Either the kids were 5, or you were sent to a camp for kids with subpar intelligence. If you think that this is the norm then it’s a problem with you.

Same, it was in Camp Bais Yaakov 20+ years ago. It was 90% girls from NY or Lakewood and I definitely felt like the odd one out.

lkwdmom2

Tue, Nov 02 2021, 11:26 am

I went to sternberg in 9th and 10th grade and there were girls from all over. The New Yorkers asked us do u live on a farm? Do u milk cows? Do u have a horse? They really had no clue. Even if they learned geography they never went out of tri state area to see other Jewish communities

Mollie

Tue, Nov 02 2021, 11:39 am

lkwdmom2 wrote:

Yup you pegged us, we are all really dumb!! 💁‍♀️

Fox

Tue, Nov 02 2021, 11:58 am

I mentioned this on a related thread, but I think it's worth repeating:

There is a huge generational divide when it comes to perceptions of OOTers/NYers. If you are old enough to have an adult recollection of when airline prices were deregulated or when CompuServe first made dial-up Internet access available to consumers, then these stories probably sound perfectly legitimate, and if you're an OOTer, doubtless prompt memories of equally boneheaded remarks you heard personally.

If you don't recall ever unplugging your phone line to get Internet or calling a travel agent to find the airfare to attend a simcha, then you probably assume people are making these stories up.

Remember, the New Yorker cartoon was not aimed at the frum veldt. That's how NYers in general pretty much saw the world. And Manhattanites were even worse. I well recall the snobbery against "bridges and tunnel people."

And, of course, there are always outliers -- people who got the memo late or just refused to read it.

Oh, and when it comes to shidduchim, there's no end to the craziness. Debunk tablecloth color and they'll pop back with a "no weird places" requirement. Try to pin down what constitutes a "weird place," and you'll get everything from Branson, MO, to Flatbush. Sometimes I think we miss the obvious miracle that Hashem makes shidduchim so regularly in spite of us.

Chayalle

Tue, Nov 02 2021, 12:47 pm

I remember that when I was in seminary, a girl from a certain OOT community told me that not everyone in her class was Shomeres Shabbos. (and she was telling the truth).

Add to that the OOTers like the ones on this thread who posted how they delighted in misleading their peers....and you have a group of teenagers who can't really be blamed for their misconceptions of frum life OOT.

BadTichelDay

Tue, Nov 02 2021, 12:51 pm

I've got a book with 19th century European short stories. In one of them, the author describes how during his travels he by chance witnessed the following scene: A woman who had grown up and lived her entire life on a tiny island in the North Sea got to visit the main land for the first time ever. After leaving the ship, she straightened up, looked around the wide grassy plain stretching to the horizon and gasped, saying, "Oh my goodness, I never would have thought that the world is so big! And not just that, there's also Holland!"
Suppose it's just human nature.

BrisketBoss

Tue, Nov 02 2021, 12:52 pm

Chayalle wrote:

Yeah, this reads like you are shocked that a frum school could have less observant people in it, to me it is surprising that that could be surprising lol!

SixOfWands

Tue, Nov 02 2021, 12:53 pm

Fox wrote:

Oh, and when it comes to shidduchim, there's no end to the craziness. Debunk tablecloth color and they'll pop back with a "no weird places" requirement. Try to pin down what constitutes a "weird place," and you'll get everything from Branson, MO, to Flatbush. Sometimes I think we miss the obvious miracle that Hashem makes shidduchim so regularly in spite of us.

The "weird" language is just plain juvenile and offensive.

But I'll be DLZ enough to "get" it.

IIRC, at least one of your daughters left your decidedly not weird locale after marriage. I have several friends whose kids have done the same. And while no one I know is pointing fingers and saying "weird" (and while, needless to say, none are shidduch situations), none are thrilled with it. It changes the relationship with the kids. And makes the relationship with grandkids less close. For example, one friend has grandkids a few miles away; she gets asked if she can watch the kids for an hour if the parents need to work late. She also has grandkids half way across the country. She loves them just the same; but its a different relationship. Ditto another friend with grandkids across the city and across the "pond."

So while I have no say at all whom my kids marry, I'd sure prefer them to be local.

BrisketBoss

Tue, Nov 02 2021, 12:55 pm

SixOfWands wrote:

I married someone local, but we moved far away together. My in-laws did the same, and so did my parents but in their case it was only until they had kids. I have kids and now my mom is always bugging me to move back lol.

Chayalle

Tue, Nov 02 2021, 12:58 pm

BrisketBoss wrote:

Yeah, this reads like you are shocked that a frum school could have less observant people in it, to me it is surprising that that could be surprising lol!

I wasn't even shocked to hear that to be honest. I actually find it interesting to hear about life in different places, and how it's different from where I am.

So if someone comes from Yehupitz, someplace out where I don't know anyone and am not familiar with the community, and they tell me about their place and what it's like I believe them and find it interesting and informative.

I wouldn't think they are out to pull my leg and think it's funny to do so.

And then blame me for my ignorance.

FranticFrummie

Tue, Nov 02 2021, 12:59 pm

BrisketBoss wrote:

Yeah, this reads like you are shocked that a frum school could have less observant people in it, to me it is surprising that that could be surprising lol!

I'm surprised that anyone is shocked that girls at camp can act like a gaggle of silly geese! Tongue Out

Chayalle

Tue, Nov 02 2021, 1:02 pm

SixOfWands wrote:

And it goes both ways. My girls would prefer a local Shidduch, or someone who wants to live locally. Why wouldn't they want to be able to avail themselves of Grandma helping out with the kids, or providing a hot meal when needed? Why would they want to marry someone who may want to live halfway across the world, and make that close relationship they have now more complicated?

If someone would ask me if we would consider someone from a country that involves multiple plane rides and lots of traveling to get there....it would definitely give me pause, and I'd want my child to consider whether they are ready for what that might entail.