Naughty novels and how to quit them

amother

Sun, Nov 14 2021, 8:07 pm

I always want to read them. I know I shouldn’t. I am ashamed at myself. How do I stop?

amother

Blonde

Sun, Nov 14 2021, 8:13 pm

You don't. You continue reading and don't feel guilty. (At least that's what I do. - it's my escape and I'm not ashamed. There are worse ways to escape)

BrisketBoss

Sun, Nov 14 2021, 8:14 pm

Don't be ashamed. If it's against your hashkafa, fine, but this is normal and it's not healthy to feel shame about it.

amother

Sun, Nov 14 2021, 8:18 pm

I feel like I’m purposely sinning.. like, I wouldn’t want my children reading it, so why am I? But all the stress of the day goes when I read, it’s so nice to feel romance even if it’s through reading.

BrisketBoss

Sun, Nov 14 2021, 8:22 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

You wouldn't want your children being intimate either, no? Many women find these novels actually help their intimate life.

amother

Sun, Nov 14 2021, 8:24 pm

BrisketBoss wrote:

You wouldn't want your children being intimate either, no? Many women find these novels actually help their intimate life.

Right, so it does help our intimate life, but my DH doesn’t like that I read them. He believes it’s [filth], just in reading material and with a better story

amother

NeonPink

Sun, Nov 14 2021, 8:24 pm

BrisketBoss wrote:

You wouldn't want your children being intimate either, no? Many women find these novels actually help their intimate life.

Naughty novels is basically p-o-rn.

amother

Cyclamen

Sun, Nov 14 2021, 8:29 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Right, so it does help our intimate life, but my DH doesn’t like that I read them. He believes it’s [filth], just in reading material and with a better story

Why Would you tell your husband you read this stuff?! I read it too but wouldn’t share this info with my husband or anybody!

#BestBubby

Sun, Nov 14 2021, 8:31 pm

I guess reading Frum Novels doesn't cut it for you?

I used to read Historical Romance decades ago - and it wasn't clean then either.

But with so many frum novels, frum magazines and Ima-Mother, I don't miss them.

amother

Grape

Sun, Nov 14 2021, 8:32 pm

amother [ NeonPink ] wrote:

Naughty novels is basically p-o-rn.

No, it's not. There is no actual other person involved like there is in p∨n. P∨n is exploitative.

amother

White

Sun, Nov 14 2021, 8:35 pm

I was like you
I read raunchy novels in HS and then realized I couldnt bring it into my home!

Instead I substituted with christian romance novels. have you heard of that genre? Clean romance, maybe a kiss. nothing more. speaks about god and thats it.

kim vogel sawyer, jody hedlund, amanda cabot, cathy marie hawke

amother

Sun, Nov 14 2021, 8:40 pm

amother [ Cyclamen ] wrote:

Why Would you tell your husband you read this stuff?! I read it too but wouldn’t share this info with my husband or anybody!

I didn’t tell him, he found it. He’s not angry at me or anything, nor I him, and besides we have an open and honest relationship BH.
But I felt guilty reading these books, so I tried being more discreet about it but the truth always comes out anyway

amother

Sun, Nov 14 2021, 8:41 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

I wouldn’t mind reading frum novels, I think they are great! They just cost so much, and these romance novels I read are free

#BestBubby

Sun, Nov 14 2021, 8:44 pm

There are Jewish Libraries where you can take out Frum Novels for very little or even free.

I like those collections of True Inspirational Stories.

Also Biographies of Great women like Rebbitzen Kaplin and Rebbitzen Kaminetsky, Henny Machlis.

amother

Broom

Sun, Nov 14 2021, 8:49 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

m

Are you seriously recommending biographies to o someone who wants to read about relations? Banging head

OP, I don’t think you should feel guilty. It’s a natural desire. But may be more wholesome to bring your husband into your fantasies- let him in on what attracts you to these novels and see if there’s a place for that in your bedroom life.

amother

Sun, Nov 14 2021, 8:55 pm

amother [ Broom ] wrote:

So BH my DH and I are good intimately. Whether I’m reading or not, we’re good. Obviously it’s more fun when I read but he prefers I don’t read that “garbage”
It’s just hard to quit. I always relapse

amother

Strawberry

Sun, Nov 14 2021, 9:49 pm

So don't stop cold turkey. Read clean romance. Read a romance novel once a month, and no more.

I used to devour those books, and then I got older and all of them started to sound the same, and they were all kinda dumb in the end. In real life, none of these people would stay married. (They hated each other! They were from opposite ends of the earth! They didn't even speak the same language! And yet they fellll in loooove.)

Your tastes also change, sometimes. And here's a little secret - literally all novels have some element of romance in them, it's just not the entire point of the plot.

amother

Lime

Sun, Nov 14 2021, 10:05 pm

Can you stop your access to them?
For some people, it's easier to stop a bad habit by slowly reducing it, others do best cold turkey.
Reward yourself for hours/days that you go without. Whatever makes it "worth it" for you.
Most importantly - find something else to read (or do) to fill that need. Cleaner romance perhaps? Would that help?
Whatever you end up doing OP, good for you for trying to change something that bothers you. Acknowledging is step one.