Parenting - Sheltering vs Exposure

amother

Sun, Nov 21 2021, 2:51 pm

The balance of sheltering vs exposure, does it depend on the child's maturity ?

I have a young toddler and was just debating with a friend if the chasidish way of sheltering children is really the right way to go, I'd really rather my baby stay innocent and sweet Very Happy

FranticFrummie

Sun, Nov 21 2021, 2:57 pm

Exposure in small amounts, with guidance, that is age appropriate.

If you're not sure what that is, Sarah Chana Radcliffe has some really excellent parenting courses that are frum, realistic, and level headed.

(I don't think your toddler needs to understand particle physics just yet!) Very Happy

amother

Camellia

Sun, Nov 21 2021, 2:59 pm

Obviously don’t expose your kid to bad language.
Family situations- as need arises (if it comes up)

One thing that’s very important is to use body part names. molestation (by brothers, etc) in the chassidish community is higher because they are kept very sheltered in this regard.

FranticFrummie

Sun, Nov 21 2021, 3:03 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Secular culture, bad language, family situations that aren't kosher...

Please don't swear in front of your toddler! They will repeat EVERYTHING they hear, especially in front of the morah. embarrassed

If they do hear a bad word, just tell them it's not nice, and we don't say that.

What do you mean by "secular culture?" The world is full of wonderful secular people who do lots of good deeds.

As for family situations, I really doubt that your toddler will notice, or care, that your uncle's "roommate" is more than just a good buddy. I'm sure that one day they'll figure it out on their own - or not. Either way, cross that bridge when you get to it.

Right now, your child is thinking in black and white terms. By the time they are 4, and definitely 5, they will start asking you some pretty interesting questions. It's good that you're starting to prepare yourself now.

BrisketBoss

Sun, Nov 21 2021, 3:04 pm

sequoia wrote:

People don’t become “less sweet” because they know you gave birth to their brother and didn’t buy him at the hospital...

I love the scene in Addams Family Values.

Girl at camp:
...and then Mommy kissed Daddy, and the angel told the stork, and the stork flew down from heaven, and put the diamond in the cabbage patch, and the diamond turned into a baby!

Pugsley:
Our parents are having a baby too.

Wednesday:
They had s-x.

Rubies

Sun, Nov 21 2021, 3:06 pm

Chiming in to say that chassidish is a broad term. I don't think my kids are sheltered any more than non-chassidish kids are. I know of many families like mine and many that do shelter more but at this point in the chassidish world many kids aren't quite sheltered.

amother

Valerian

Sun, Nov 21 2021, 3:06 pm

amother [ Camellia ] wrote:

One thing that’s very important is to use body part names. molestation (by brothers, etc) in the chassidish community is higher because they are kept very sheltered in this regard.

You better have data with numbers to back up with ridiculous claim.
How hateful. Shame on you.

amother

Arcticblue

Sun, Nov 21 2021, 3:18 pm

amother [ Valerian ] wrote:

You better have data with numbers to back up with ridiculous claim.
How hateful. Shame on you.

I fail to see the hate. Please explain?

amother

Camellia

Sun, Nov 21 2021, 3:32 pm

amother [ Valerian ] wrote:

You better have data with numbers to back up with ridiculous claim.
How hateful. Shame on you.

I work in the mental health field. Prominent psychologists have stated this. Most recently I heard it from Dr. normal blumenthal.

amother

Valerian

Sun, Nov 21 2021, 3:53 pm

amother [ Camellia ] wrote:

I work in the mental health field. Prominent psychologists have stated this. Most recently I heard it from Dr. normal blumenthal.

You heard what?
1. That it is important to use body parts?
2. Or molestation is more common in the chassidish world than not?
I don't buy the 2nd. That's just hate.
Regarding the first, why does it matter if you use the actual name as long as the place has a name?

Rubies

Sun, Nov 21 2021, 3:55 pm

amother [ Camellia ] wrote:

I work in the mental health field. Prominent psychologists have stated this. Most recently I heard it from Dr. normal blumenthal.

I find it interesting that lack of awareness of proper body parts at age 7 would be the cause. Kids have a way of naming things they don't have the words for.
I would think it's the lack of body awareness as their bodies change, lack of role of hormones, lack of education about safety from a young age (many chassidishs schools have that in their preschool program nowadays) , and lack of appropriate supervision more than lack of the correct words.

Last edited by Rubies on Sun, Nov 21 2021, 10:45 pm; edited 1 time in total

BrisketBoss

Sun, Nov 21 2021, 4:01 pm

Yes, Rubies, kids do make up words, and/or learn cutesy words from their parents. And when they use the words to describe something that happened to them, the adults don't necessarily know what they're talking about. That's the problem.

amother

Valerian

Sun, Nov 21 2021, 4:03 pm

BrisketBoss wrote:

Really now? When a child wants to say their behind and they say the place where I sit or refer to the private area and say the place that makes or the place you are not allowed to ever touch, the adult doesn't know what the child is talking about?

Rubies

Sun, Nov 21 2021, 4:04 pm

BrisketBoss wrote:

So that would be a naive and dismissive parent as the cause not the lack of words.

amother

Camellia

Sun, Nov 21 2021, 4:05 pm

Rubies wrote:

I find it interesting that lack of awareness of proper body parts at age 7 would be the cause. Kids have a way of naming things they don't have the words for, (chocolate chips for breast area!)
I would think it's the lack of body awareness as their bodies change, lack of role of hormones, lack of education about safety from a young age (many chassidishs schools have that in their preschool program nowadays) , and lack of appropriate supervision more than lack of the correct words.

It’s one and the same.

amother

Camellia

Sun, Nov 21 2021, 4:06 pm

amother [ Valerian ] wrote:

Both.

Not using the name is part of a culture where kids might not be aware what’s ok and what’s not ok, as well as more hesitancy to tell their parents about anything going on.

If a problem doesn’t have a name, it’s not a problem, right?