LinkedIn Ladies & Men

shabbatiscoming

Sat, Feb 05 2022, 1:17 pm

amother [ Lily ] wrote:

I agree this is a big problem and makes me very uncomfortable with LI. It kinda feels like a mixed kiddush....A frum woman gushing in a comment about a man's talents, things like, You were amazing!! feels wrong. I cant imgaine that conversation happening in real life.

If you think mixed kiddushes are a no no, maybe a lot of intermingling on the internet will not be for you.
In many circles a kiddush isnt mixed or not, its just a kiddush with husbands and wives. Its a normal every week occurrence. Nothing out of the ordinary or sinister.

amother

Sat, Feb 05 2022, 5:43 pm

amother [ Cerulean ] wrote:

This seems like really black and white thinking to me.
It’s wonderful for people that are able to stay in such sheltered environments, and I’ll admit I’m grateful to be one of them.
But if a person has to be out there in the business world, they can and should maintain their standards. I’ve watched people do it. It takes constant evaluating and adjusting, and sometimes even limiting their opportunities business wise.
OP by all means keep questioning, keep reevaluating, keep being mechazek yourself.
Hashem should give you the koach and sechel you need to navigate this challenge.

Thank you I greatly appreciate your response! Yes in a perfect world we would all be perfectly sheltered and in kollel/ chinuch. That would be lovely. But we do live in a real world with real expenses and the need for parnassah. I do find LI to be helpful and my question is in navigating the grey area not just "ok you are yeshivish you do not belong here"

And to summarize again I am not looking for a hashkafic or bashing discussion.
I am looking for tips from imas who do share this sensitivity and how they handle it to add further do you just comment or like or do you also post? when you post do you post just business updates or are you posting all the other random things on LI I.e. how you just finished 30 minutes of exercise and now you feel amazing and now you learned you can conquer all your clients etc.

TYIA

amother

Forsythia

Sat, Feb 05 2022, 5:52 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I.e. how you just finished 30 minutes of exercise and now you feel amazing and now you learned you can conquer all your clients etc.

TYIA

No because you don't need men imagining you exercising. Unless you're a runner and out there anyway fundraising/placing. Be really careful about the personal stuff you share. And save vulnerability for idk Imamother or something.

amother

Indigo

Sat, Feb 05 2022, 5:56 pm

shabbatiscoming wrote:

I think it’s possible to live a full life with in my values.
I’ve worked many years with many coworkers from all walks of life. Our relationships are very professional.

I don’t belong to a shul that has mixed kiddushim. I don’t see that I should limit myself professionally bec of that.

I see a kiddush as a social event. Work as a professional event.
I’m not sure why one negates the other.

If a LI thread between ultra orthodox looking ppl devolves into a kiddush atmosphere I think there is a problem.
I’m surprised when ppl behave online in ways they wouldn’t in real life.

naturalmom5

Sun, Feb 06 2022, 12:26 pm

Mommyg8 wrote:

Ok, OP, I'll say it - any interaction between a man and a woman is not ideal from a yeshivish perspective. There are many people - men and women - who share your sensitivity. The men stay in kollel/go into chinuch and the woman become teachers/work only in a school setting with women and girls.

Once you go out into the business world - and I'm talking about either gender - interactions are inevitable. Whether on linked in or IRL.

Once you put yourself out there, so to speak, you lose your right to talk about "your sensitivity". I'm sorry but it's just going to be inevitable.

Signed, someone who's DH is not in kollel/chinuch and neither am I.

Thank you.... MG8

I was going to say this, but I was trying to be respectful

You want lchashila , SEND dh to work, stay home
Only go out for shopping if delivery is too expensive ( the Gra left a tzava to his widow, pay up to 3 times for delivery of food)
Go to one family simcha a month
Go to Doctor on for life and death emergency, only according to the Rambam and Tur

Bdieved, if you in the workplace , BE NORMAL
Get guidance from a Rov who is very real world every step of the way

amother

Sun, Feb 06 2022, 6:27 pm

naturalmom5 wrote:

I'm sorry but you should have stayed respectful and refrained from posting this.

Please reread the post am I looking to lock myself in my house and just say tehilim the whole day?

I am respectfully asking how to navigate a GREY area. Yes not everything in life is black and white.

Why the bashing?

I appreciate you last line and maybe I should have done that first instead of humbly asking mothers who share in this sensitivity for TIPS on how they handle the balance.

amother

Trillium

Sun, Feb 06 2022, 7:03 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Hey OP I totally get you. I'm a real solid BY type, I.e. would prefer to be called "Mrs. So and So" rather than by first name by colleagues, in a professional field. I don't use LinkedIn much but have the same exact challenge with a mixed professional slack group. I get what you mean. As for tips - best thing for me is to ask myself if I'm comfortable with my husband reading through my communications. If I wouldn't want him seeing it - even if not inappropriate, just a little too forward etc. - I don't post. But it's tricky.

amother

Trillium

Sun, Feb 06 2022, 7:04 pm

naturalmom5 wrote:

Thank you.... MG8
Only go out for shopping if delivery is too expensive ( the Gra left a tzava to his widow, pay up to 3 times for delivery of food)

Tangentially - what was this piece of the tzavaah about? What did he say exactly, what was the reason?

amother

Sun, Feb 06 2022, 7:49 pm

amother [ Trillium ] wrote:

Thank you! That is a great boundary to have thank you!

amother

Mint

Sun, Feb 06 2022, 8:38 pm

Mommyg8 wrote:

This is false. It’s a cop out.
Op, I’m in a field that needs to be “out there” Facebook and Instagram, social media are supposedly necessary for marketing reasons.
They were until I realized they weren’t.
My neshama is way way more important.
I was able to stop cold turkey and b”h I’m doing ok.
You don’t have to do what I did, but you can definitely make real real boundaries.
Those who haven’t are just getting sucked in and being spiritually lazy.
You will look back and have no regrets, just pride in staying strong.
I

amother

Mon, Feb 07 2022, 5:57 pm

amother [ Mint ] wrote:

Love this thankyou!

amother

Amaranthus

Sun, Jan 01 2023, 12:39 pm

amother OP wrote:

Thank you! That is a great boundary to have thank you!

For me, getting onto linkedin I have a few pointers:
On the phone I say I'm Mrs. So and so, on linkedin I rem I wanted to write Mrs X but was told it won't fly. SO I use my second name (and irl called by my first)
I think this makes a statement
I have a rav I call with questions as they arise.
I dont have a profile pic (although so many ppl told me if I put one up will be much easier to get business etc..) the rav told me not to
I also come across very professionally and dont spend to much time there. I set my timer every day post consistently and yes comment on other post etc..
And I don't judge others, but yes its easy to go down a slippery slope, and one needs to know their boundaries and reevaluate from time to time.

amother

Forsythia

Sun, Jan 01 2023, 12:48 pm

amother Amaranthus wrote:

A lot of people get away without profile pics.
Will it be confusing that the name you use for LI isn't the one you use professionally?
Do you know any women in your industry who go by Mrs. whose brains you can pick?
Honestly, most people don't use your first name anyway. When they reply or want to tag you etc. they'll use the full name. Extra effort to delete the rest.

AllAlone

Sun, Jan 01 2023, 1:09 pm

I used to be on LI a lot and I have there many chasidish and Yeshivish connections, men and women.

It was mostly a professional and positive experience for me. I had some personal גדרים to keep it strictly professional, like I never posted personal stuff and never interacted with personal stuff posted by men. I made our company logo as my profile pic and never posted pictures of myself. Once, I did have to block someone that I felt was interacting with my post inappropriately for a frum chasidish man, but other than that it was great.

I know these practices won’t work for everyone and wouldn’t even be necessary, but you can come up with your own gedarim so as to stay away from any grey areas.

amother

NeonPurple

Sun, Jan 01 2023, 1:16 pm

OP, I know exactly what you are talking about. It's the way men and women comment on posts from each other as if they are best friends and they are having a texting conversation.

I am very open minded and I work in a mixed office environment but there's something about LI that makes me feel very uncomfortable. It's way too friendly.

I also hate the invitations I constantly get from random (yeshivish looking) men. It's like they lost all their sensitivities, and it feels so wrong.

Don't let other people convince you that you are being too extreme. Hold on to your inner compass of what is right and wrong.

amother

Pearl

Sun, Jan 01 2023, 2:36 pm

I know exactly what you're talking about. It's not even flirting, it's just straight cringe. Gushing about someone else's accomplishments, tagging tons of people to get engagement, ugh.

I don't mind being addressed by my first name, I have a profile image (yes with makeup of course lol), but personally I don't post or interact on comments. If I would, it would only be portfolio pieces, not sharing about my day at work just to get engagement, not sharing about a conflict or situation in the office, not sharing a daily inspo video etc.

I get a lot of leads other ways, through WhatsApp groups for example, other than LI. But may be different depending on industry. I think a basic LI profile with a headshot is important for service providers, so people can see who you are and your experience.

sara_s

Sun, Jan 01 2023, 3:05 pm

I'm relatively active on LinkedIn since I see value in building my professional brand as an employee, even though I'm not a service provider.
I get tons of job offers via linkedin, as well as invitations to talk etc. I definitely see a lot of professional value in the platform.
Not using a profile photo is considered really strange in the hi-tech world. Nobody cares what you look like but they do want to see you are a real person.
I will comment on a man's post with "amazing post" or "your an asset to any employee" or "it was so great to work with you". Maybe some of you consider that "gushy" but I would talk that way in real life too and am 100% fine with my husband reading it.
There may be photos of me (yes, wearing makeup, hopefully natural enough not to ne obvious) if I gave a talk or whatever and that's the photo. I don't see anything inherently immodest about a modest photo.
I do care a lot about modesty in the workplace. I especially make sure never to let professional relationships with men develop into anything personal. In my eyes that's the most important geder.
I also never received any innapropriate messages on LinkedIn. It's 100% for work.

I have noticed that since Covid people have begun sharing more personal stuff (family news such as birth of a child, political views etc on linkedin) I think since so many switched to WFH they miss that personal connection in the office. I personally try to keep it very professional.

amother

Amaranthus

Sun, Jan 01 2023, 3:50 pm

amother Pearl wrote:

Would love to hear how you get leads through whatsapp groups, how do you find these groups? My industry is geared specficially for B2B... would love to find more opportunities

Woman of Valor

Sun, Jan 01 2023, 4:28 pm

amother DarkPurple wrote:

Agreed, totally cringe. These ladies posts basically scream " Look at me!" And the commenting and interacting back n forth is gross. Even if it's all done "respectfully".

Signed,

Someone who has worked closely with p(frum) men and regrets it deeply.

Are you comfortable sharing your regrets? I feel this could be important.