Having an english name

nicole81

Wed, Nov 02 2005, 10:28 pm

my husband never had an english name and when our daughter was born, he was intent on giving her one. of course she has a yiddishe name, but as there was no english equivalent to it, we picked out a very pretty and unique english name for her as well. we mostly call her by her english name, and although some family only uses her yiddishe name, I think she will primarily go by the english one growing up.

tonight I was wondering if maybe she will be embarrassed when she gets older for having such a distinct english name. (it's her legal name, too.) I go by my english name and that never bothered me. in fact, I'm proud to be different. but my name is fairly popular amongst non jews and there's nothing that unique about it. with my daughter's name, we loved it when we picked it, but when people found out about it, they were all like huh, where'd you get that from? I wonder if I have put her at a disadvantage, always having to explain her name when she's older. She's free to use her yiddishe name if that's what she feels more comfortable with, but now I feel bad that I've given her a name that's weird for jewish people.

just venting a little... what does everyone think about english names?

micki

Wed, Nov 02 2005, 10:37 pm

I think yu should try callign her by her jewish name, see how it fits and see if you /she like it.
I am really curious about that english name though- cna you pm me with it?

I hve a nighbor whos grand daughter has both name s and the GP don't like the english name so they call her by her hebrew name.

amother

Thu, Nov 03 2005, 12:02 am

First of all you should know that at some point nearly every child hates his name. Fact of life.

As to the english name, depends on where she's going to be later in life. if she has any contact with the velt at all, the english name is an advantage, believe me, I know. I have an unpronounceable name that gets butchered everywhere I go. my children have easyily pronounceable names that are still butchered everywhere they go. I think I made a mistake not giving them english names that they could use in the velt. it's painful for a child to go to the dentist or the doctor and the assistant always messes up his name.

so what if other yidden don't go for the name? she can use her yiddish name in yiddish society. that's what most people I know do. I never even know they have english names unless they give me a check!

having a name that is "different" can be an advantage b/c it makes her more memorable. whom are you more likely to remember: Jane green or guinivere green?

RedVines

Thu, Nov 03 2005, 12:18 am

I am the only one of my siblings who has an english name and sep. hebrew name. I was always so jealous of them that they can fit right into their school etc. and with me it was one name in english class another in hebrew....But when I went to high school it really was distinct and nice and I kind of liked it, (it is also unique) but once I got engaged my DH told me he wants to only call me by my hebrew name because that is my esence and I thought that was beautiful....But I must say it is hard, some communities know as one name others another....

So bottom line, I will only name my children yiddishe names...NO QUESTION!

youngmom

Thu, Nov 03 2005, 1:12 am

Quote:

First of all you should know that at some point nearly every child hates his name. Fact of life.

I don't think that's true. I think everyone is different. I've always liked my name even though it's a bit difficult for non jews to pronounce.

Quote:

it's painful for a child to go to the dentist or the doctor and the assistant always messes up his name.

why is it painful?

I agree with mommyof2's husband about a jewish name being a person's essence.

chen

Thu, Nov 03 2005, 9:23 am

youngmom wrote:

Quote:

it's painful for a child to go to the dentist or the doctor and the assistant always messes up his name.

why is it painful?

I agree with mommyof2's husband about a jewish name being a person's essence.

exactly. your name is your essence. so when people mispronounce your name--not once in a yoivel but every mitvoch and donnerstag; think you are the opposite gender because you have a "foreign" name and that's what it sounds like to them (a boy named Ami and they call him "Amy"); or call you by a completely different name because they assume you misspelled yours (a girl named "Elana" and they call her "Ellen") --it hurts your very sense of self. (just see how upset adults get when their names are misspelled. same thing.)

When this sort of thing is done over and over by the same people, it implies a lack of caring about you as a person. If I cared about you I'd bother to learn how to say your name as correctly as I can. (Obviously we are not expecting a goya to be able to call someone "Chana"; Kana or Hana would be just fine. But when you call her "Clara"--that's not who she is!)

when it happens everywhere you go, you get somewhat fed up. an adult becomes more or less used to it so it's just annoying but to a child it is very hurtful.

chen

Thu, Nov 03 2005, 9:24 am

youngmom wrote:

Quote:

First of all you should know that at some point nearly every child hates his name. Fact of life.

I don't think that's true. I think everyone is different. I've always liked my name even though it's a bit difficult for non jews to pronounce.

That's why I said nearly every child. there are always exceptions.

It isn't always the name itself they hate, but the way other children distort it to make fun. "Bella" bcmes "Belly"; "Bluma" bcmes "bloomers" (maybe not any more, but in my youth that still meant underwear); "shulamis" bcmes " shoelace", Eli bcms "smelly jelly"...

Last edited by chen on Thu, Nov 03 2005, 9:31 am; edited 2 times in total

Pearl

Thu, Nov 03 2005, 9:29 am

I have only a hebrew name, and so do our children, no "other language" names.
yes, sometimes it's difficult for others to pronounce (I grew up in a totally not jewish environment, with my very jewish name, and yes, I stood out because of it), but once they know it, they never forget!

Pearl

Thu, Nov 03 2005, 9:39 am

well, I never experienced anything but positive interest ("what does it mean") for me and for our children. guess it might depend on where you live...
oh, of course in primary school kids would make fun of my name, but they would also make fun of my glasses, and of the red head in the class etc etc what else is new? that's what happens in school, also when all the kids have chinese names they will find something to make fun about!

TzenaRena

Thu, Nov 03 2005, 10:29 am

"Because of three things our forefathers were redeemed from Mitzrayim: They did not change their names, their language and their attire".

Even though in most other ways, the Jewish nation was assimilated, this kept them apart and worthy of redemption!

So too in our day, we will merit the true and final Geulah in this zchus.

Another point, the name is a reflection of the person's neshomo, his essence, as others have noted. When someone is called by their (Jewish) name, it awakens and reveals their neshomo, and it's kochos, and G-dly connection.

shoy18

Thu, Nov 03 2005, 10:55 am

when I had my son I told my hubby that because we were naming him an unpronouncable name I wanted to give him an english name as well and thats what I did. Everyone calls him by his yiddish name and when he goes to yeshiva he will be called his yiddish name but when he grows up iyh and goes to college and work he will have a name they can pronounce. Ive sat in classes at college with other jewish people with hard names and its awful the teachers cant prnounce it. Also where my dh works they made him use an english name and since he doesnt have one he made one up, so people call him a name that doesnt exsist, so my son at least has one in case he needs it

Tovah

Thu, Nov 03 2005, 11:14 am

when I was born my mother gave us english names on our birth certificates and stuff, and I wish she didn't I hate that I have one. I even tried to change it legally but moved cities in the process so now I have to start again.

willow

Thu, Nov 03 2005, 11:37 am

SaraYehudis wrote:

I feel like a cheerleader Exclamation

because I am just agreeing and not writing anything new, but well said saraYehudis. Very Happy

chen

Thu, Nov 03 2005, 11:56 am

Tovah wrote:

ah, but tovah, your name is easy to spell and easy to say--paamayim ki tov! Smile

ElTam

Thu, Nov 03 2005, 12:36 pm

DH and I both go by our English names. I wish it were different, but it was hard enough for our families when we became frum without insisting that they change the name they refer to us as.

That being said, we gave our child a yiddishe name. That's what's on her birth certificate. It's not what's on her insurance card because they misread the form and now want us to go through all sorts of hoops for them to fix their mistake, but that's another story. We made it a point to pick a name that would work "out among the English" in that it doesn't have any chets or chafs in it and it sounds like the appropriate gender for the child. We had to give up on a lot of names we like to fit these parameters, but we wound up with a name we like.

One thing I think it's important to think about, what message are we sending when we give a child two different names? Are we suggesting to them that they should behave differently in the velt? I think so.

Just my .02.

1stimer

Thu, Nov 03 2005, 12:43 pm

Quote:

"Because of three things our forefathers were redeemed from Mitzrayim: They did not change their names, their language and their attire".

I've heard it said (from a reputable source, not sure who but can find out if anyone wants) that they needed those three things in egypt b/c they didn't have the torah but now there is no inyan in being called only by your hebrew name.

1stimer

Thu, Nov 03 2005, 12:45 pm

Quote:

One thing I think it's important to think about, what message are we sending when we give a child two different names? Are we suggesting to them that they should behave differently in the velt? I think so.

I don't think so, we are just making life more convenient.