What a temper! | Imamother

yersp

Wed, May 07 2008, 9:00 am

DS is 2 1/2 and boy does he have a temper!! For example, this morning when DD went on the bus, DS threw such a tantrum! He wouldnt stop screaming & crying. I just went upstairs and ignored him. He came right upstairs screaming the entire way running straight towards me. I moved away when he came into the room and he hit the keyboard HARD. Then when I still wasn't giving him what he wanted (his pacifier of course) he took dd's carriage and just flipped over but with such koyach. I was still ignoring him and he came raging back at me and leaving teethmarks on the handrests of the chair. (most of the time when he throws a tantrum he'll either bang the floor and walls with his hands or head) Whats going to be with him? I don't want him to be such a tempermental person. I don't want him to be the type that if I don't get what I want RIGHT NOW everyone around me will suffer. Is it just a stage or is this a look into the future??
I'd really appreciate some helpful advice.

Tamiri

Wed, May 07 2008, 9:19 am

It sounds like he's in distress. Is he a sandwich child? Compound that with age and you have a child reaching out in the only way he knows how; tantrums. You can get tons of advice from the good mothers here, some with more experience and some with less but it may be a good idea for you to find a book by a mechanech/child specialist to whom you can relate and whose shitat chinuch suits you, and take it from there.
It's a shame to let him continue this behavior - not good for him or the family and it's probably nothing out of the ordinary that cannot be fixed.

yersp

Wed, May 07 2008, 9:33 am

nope, he's not a sandwich child (although he would've been.......... Crying

). Youre absolutely right in suggesting a book by a mechanech. I'll definitely be on the lookout for something like that, unless someone here can recommend a few and I'll see which ones suit me.
Thanks for you help!

Tamiri

Wed, May 07 2008, 9:55 am

My favorite (non Jew) child-guidance guy is John Rosemond. I like what he writes, it goes along the lines of proper chinuch and is very down to earth. In case you want to get started. And he addresses the 2s in their very own book!

amother

Wed, May 07 2008, 10:02 am

This is what I would do.

If he is mature enough - Put him in a safe place (like his room) and tell him "Mommy will talk to you when you are calm". Then help him "redo" it the right way "Mommy, I am feeling ______. I want my pacifier please." Praise him for demonstrating a good way.

If he is still too babyish for that - Just say "No, we don't kick and scream" then say "This is how we do it" act out how he should express himself, let him try it, fix what was bothering him.

Twos are terrible because the child does not know how to adequately express themselves, they need to be showed how.

Tamiri

Wed, May 07 2008, 10:05 am

The above shita is working for us now, with DS #5 almost 3.5 years old. It would not have worked earlier, even though I read about it in Dr. Rosemond's book. Or rather, I did not have the strength to make him stay in his room instead of tantruming. Now, I do - so good-bye tantrums, right on time!

flowerpower

Wed, May 07 2008, 10:10 am

ds threw a temper like every five minutes, he had to get his way, I didnt even give into him one time, I totaly ignored him when he through a tantrum even though he hit me, threw things..he did it bec he wanted my att. after he calmed down I made him clean it up(together). if htey see u mean business then they eventually stop

yersp

Wed, May 07 2008, 10:32 am

sleepless, you remind me of what DS does after his tantrums:
I stay calm and I keep on telling him that I'm not proud of him and I don't want to look at him. he comes over to me and says I'm sorry and wants to pick up what he threw down. I'm happy that he wants to do that but I want to try to prevent it from happening in the first place. I know people who do exactly this same shtick. They get angry, lash out at anyone nearby and when things have calmed down apologize and clean up. I don't want him being like that. I've seen those people in action and they're downright scary.

Beauty and the Beast

Wed, May 07 2008, 10:44 am

my line is, you do not negotiate with toddlers.
when my son is having a tantrum, I do not try to appease him, I let him be. I feel like he has to get it out of him, and when he sees that I will listen to him when he is calm, he calms down.

my dh, OTOH, always tried to give in to him. He says, ok, tatty will give u this, that, or whatever... I always tell him DO NOT NEGOTIATE.
my way works all the time. I make sure to give him alot of attention and love after he calms down, and talk to him about speaking nicely.

Sara Y

Sun, Jun 01 2008, 10:54 am

Rosy sounds like u r describing MY 2 and a half year old. He does the same thing I let him scream till he calms down and if he becomes destructive like trying to bite me or throw something into the crib he goe. He usualy does this when he is tired so u have to look for the triggers - if there are any. my ds usualy calms down within a few minutes and then I hold him with his cozy or give him a drink and he falls asleep. Remember even if our kiddies r hot tempered now with love and lots of patience they will grow p to be lovely young men who will make us proud. I obviously speak to myself as well here. Good Luck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111

Tefila

Sun, Jun 01 2008, 12:59 pm

Your son is not the only one rosy and yes please believe me when I say they outgrow it. Providing you do as beauty and the beast does do not negotiate with an irrational temperd kid wait until he or she (usually it's a he thoogh to calm down) Wink

zigi

Fri, Jun 13 2008, 6:31 pm

but sometimes by not giving them space when they are in a rage adds fuel to the fire. I tell dd I know you are upset but I don't understand you when you scream go to your room to calm down. when she is calm she can tell me what she wanted. it took some time but dd knows that she has to calm down and if she doesn't stop screaming she won't get anything, of course if she wants something that she can't have she won't get it.