Son having surgery- should both parents come?

amother

Sun, Mar 27 2022, 10:05 pm

My 5 y/o is iyH getting another set of tubes put in and also having his adenoids shaved. We think my husband is going to take him for the surgery. Is there a reason it would be better for both of us to come with him? In terms of emotional support... or no need?

amother

Taupe

Sun, Mar 27 2022, 10:06 pm

Just did this and brought him alone. Hospital didn’t let both parents. Was totally fine.

amother

Whitesmoke

Sun, Mar 27 2022, 10:07 pm

I would imagine his mother should be there with him. Are you not able to?

amother

Dandelion

Sun, Mar 27 2022, 10:08 pm

My daughter had several minor procedures done, we've always gone both of us. But I always see in the waiting room kids with 1 parent. I don't think there's a right answer to this, you should do what works best for you. If you have other kids, it can be hard to figure out childcare.

amother

Blueberry

Sun, Mar 27 2022, 10:10 pm

amother [ Taupe ] wrote:

Just did this and brought him alone. Hospital didn’t let both parents. Was totally fine.

Oh my.
Which hospital was this in?

amother

Olive

Sun, Mar 27 2022, 10:42 pm

My boys had a total of 4 surgeries combined. All for tunes, adenoids and tonsils.

They were young. We both went and took the baby along.

Dh took the DC into the OR. (I had an emergency surgery as a child, it was really scary and I prefer not to be inside an OR).

I took care of DC post surgery, did all the paperwork and make sure I had the instructions for care post op.

imaima

Sun, Mar 27 2022, 10:50 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

My dh came by himself, there is no need for two.

amother

Mon, Mar 28 2022, 7:22 pm

Thank you to all those who answered. I do have another child, so I would need to make arrangements for him which would not be simple, but I could swing it.

Also, I'm not asking mother as opposed to father, I'm asking about 2 parents as opposed to 1

BH my husband is a very involved and hands-on parent, so I don't think that me as opposed to him makes much of a difference. He is also more calm than I am in general, so it will be good for my son to have his calming presence.

ShishKabob

Mon, Mar 28 2022, 7:27 pm

I think that one parent accompanying the child is enough. Sometimes it's the parent that needs the support not necessarily the patient.

amother

Chestnut

Mon, Mar 28 2022, 7:32 pm

I don’t see why you need two for a quick procedure. Do bring enough food since you won’t be able to leave his bedside to get anything.

amother

Black

Mon, Mar 28 2022, 7:32 pm

I don't see anything wrong with one parent going.

amother

Cherry

Mon, Mar 28 2022, 7:33 pm

You should check with the hospital about what they are allowing. In the past, we were both allowed to be with my son when he was put under. Now they didn't let either of us go back.

amother

Aquamarine

Mon, Mar 28 2022, 7:35 pm

I find that when a child is hospitalized it's easier if there are 2 parents. So if one needs the bathroom or needs to get coffee/food, the other one stays with the child. But its not an absolute must. There are times both myself and dh went, and times we did not. I also don't see if a difference if it's mom or dad. Most dads are perfectly capable of keeping their kids calm and comforted.

lfab

Mon, Mar 28 2022, 7:44 pm

Another vote for 1 parent is fine. One of my kids had had multiple minor outpatient procedures such as tubes, adenoids removed, etc. I always took the child for surgery and my husband stayed home to take care of the other kids/ get them off to school. 2 parents are not necessary for a short procedure and it was too complicated to find someone to come so early to watch the other kids.

amother

Tulip

Mon, Mar 28 2022, 7:46 pm

All of my kids have needed at least one of the ENT procedures (tunes, tonsils, adenoids). You really do only need one parent there. We always just asked the morning of, which parent do you want. Sometimes I was picked, sometimes dh. The other parents always stayed home and available. You do want to be available in case you're needed for something, but also to prepare for the child coming home. Have to post op snacks ready, have bed ready with favorite stuffies, etc.

amother

Mon, Mar 28 2022, 8:16 pm

Thank you everyone for taking the time to respond. Your replies were really helpful and gave me the clarity I wanted.

I'm so grateful for this site. I have posted multiple questions like this one where I just needed some help/ reassurance from fellow moms. Thank you to Yael and everyone who keeps this site running!

amother

Eggshell

Mon, Mar 28 2022, 8:20 pm

I took my son alone, both parents was not an option due to Covid. A second child needs the same surgery and I would go again myself even if they allowed 2 parents. It was totally fine with only one of us and I don’t think it would have provided as much benefit to the one having surgery as it did to the other kids to have everything stay as it usually is.
For a more serious surgery I would feel differently buy this is pretty basic.

amother

Silver

Mon, Mar 28 2022, 8:23 pm

amother [ Whitesmoke ] wrote:

I would imagine his mother should be there with him. Are you not able to?

Why? My dh happens to be very nurturing, loving, attentive, patient, focused, present. And is more assertive then me.
Either one of us has gone to procedures alone.

For tonsils and Adnoids one parent is fine. They throw you out pretty soon as kid wakes up.