Thoughts about Pesach magazines

DustyDiamonds

Tue, Apr 26 2022, 2:19 pm

amother [ Dill ] wrote:

"Don't be a Stranger" by B. Myndi

ETA: this is the abuse story from Binah.

My abusive parents stopped speaking to me a while back. I’d love to read this story if anyone can send me a picture of it. Or I can give you an email address to send it to.

Thank you!

amother

Jean

Wed, Apr 27 2022, 1:08 pm

I just read the Double Take.

IMO the mother seems very wrong. And I would say she needs a therapist to help her through this because no doubt it is a very challenging situation.
However, I see there is no communication with her other kids. If I was her, I would constantly be explaining to my other children that this is the good they get in their situation, but there is also a bad part (divorced parents, their father has new family, they barely see him etc etc). This is a life lesson. Instead she is too busy trying to even out the playing field and she cant because the reality is that the father IS wealthy and can spoil them and she cannot. Even if it wouldn't be sleepaway camp, the reality is that the father is not in the same financial bracket as her and they will always get "luxuries" with him. And that is life. Very tough for her kids but this is the situation they were placed in by Hashem and it is her role to validate their hurt and work through it.... It is also not her business what her husband does in his free time with the kids. She cannot control it even if it upsets her.
I also do not think it is ok for the kids to come home and brag about it. They should be spoken to also about being sensitive and not discussing the "extras"at home.

amother

Lightblue

Wed, Apr 27 2022, 1:25 pm

Rachel Lavon's story is excellent!
These magazines are meant for adult readers for us women.
While I empathize with tweens/teens looking for good frum reading material I am happy these magazines don't try to fill that void which would dilute the success upon us their target audience.
The kids magazine supplements are good and Circle is the best.
Someone should try again to target teens though its challenging. Or they can read books from the jewish library etc where theres more appropriate choices.

keym

Wed, Apr 27 2022, 2:36 pm

amother [ Jean ] wrote:

I read the article multiple times.
I really didn't get the perspective that the kids were bragging, so much as that the mother was so annoyed that even a mention would be perceived as bragging.
Don't forget that we're hearing his perspective and her perspective but we don't hear the kids perspective.
I think a fascinating follow-up would be the perspective of these 2 kids, and the poor step and half children.

Chayalle

Wed, Apr 27 2022, 3:07 pm

amother [ Wandflower ] wrote:

Sorry but that story pissed me off. We are that style where we are Chassidish but consider Shidduchim with Heimish or more Litvish. We Also live among other such people.
The story made absolutely zero sense.
So many Chassidish women drive, especially those that would consider being meshadech with Heimish families. We've never heard of such a request, not amongst our own family, extended family or anyone in the community. I discussed it with a few such people and they were all pissed as well.
I don't know anyone who is that style Chassidish and would demand something like that. If you consider a girl for your son from a home where women drive, you don't ask her not to. It just doesn't happen. And if someone would actually put out this request it would be looked at as extremely inappropriate and mean.

I think something like that would usually be asked up front, so the people are not at all emotionally involved in the shidduch when it comes up. Not after they already met. I have a niece whose parents are more heimish, and she was asked if she would date someone Chassidish. She considered it, but said no to shaving and giving up her license. This was before she ever saw anyone, so no emotions involved. (she ended up marrying a yeshivish-type working/learning boy.)

Chayalle

Wed, Apr 27 2022, 3:11 pm

amother [ Dill ] wrote:

For those of you who have issues with parents (abusive or not) you may want to read the story in Binah (if you do not generally get Binah, you may want to try to find a copy, it's worth it). Very validating to those of us going through it, though the ending ruined it somewhat. (And I wonder if the author got her material from imamother, it was so familiar).

The author is a therapist, so she likely got her material from her own experiences with clients.

I thought it was done well, it presented the sides of what the people are going thru, and how everyone on the outside just doesn't get the truth of it.....

amother

Petunia

Wed, Apr 27 2022, 5:27 pm

amother [ Jasmine ] wrote:

There's a difference between using an acronym with a letter that stands for a crass word, and using the crass word itself.

Darling, I'm sure (at least I hope) that you would not approve of someone using "wt f" as part of their texting. It is exactly the same with fubar etc. Absolutely and thoroughly inappropriate.

amother

Jasmine

Wed, Apr 27 2022, 5:47 pm

amother [ Petunia ] wrote:

Darling, I'm sure (at least I hope) that you would not approve of someone using "wt f" as part of their texting. It is exactly the same with fubar etc. Absolutely and thoroughly inappropriate.

You are correct, I don't think it is appropriate for frum people to use either of those. I certainly do not. I can express my emotions without vulgar language, just fine.
And if you would not be happy to have your kids using that sort of language, whether speaking or writing, you may want to rethink your own use of that sort of terminology.

amother

Jasmine

Wed, Apr 27 2022, 7:04 pm

sara_s wrote:

Snafu is also a regular word and not an acronym, as in "what a snafu".
https://www.dictionary.com/browse/snafu

The origin is the military term. It has become normalized and is now a word in its own right, as that's how words develop over time.

However, "piss" is a word on its own that probably dates back to the middle ages. The word hasn't changed, neither has its meaning. It is not a word you'd use in a formal situation, or when trying to make a dignified impression. Same with "WT*" or "fubar" as the "f" word also dates back to at least the middle ages, and the meaning/vulgarity of it hasn't changed, either. I stand by my assertion, if you'd be embarrassed to have others hearing your kids use it (or reading it in something they wrote), you shouldn't be using it, either.

amother

Linen

Wed, Apr 27 2022, 7:24 pm

sara_s wrote:

Snafu is also a regular word and not an acronym, as in "what a snafu".
https://www.dictionary.com/browse/snafu

There are all sorts of disgusting words that a Jew or any refined person shouldn’t be using in the dictionary. Just because an acronym beccame widely used doesn’t make it appropriate.

Odelyah

Wed, Apr 27 2022, 8:55 pm

I would never type WT* (or even WTH, FWIW) and I've never even heard of FUBAR but snafu is definitely a regular word and it's not considered vulgar. In fact, when I was in elementary school I remember reading somewhere (not a Jewish source) that it stood for "Situation Normal All Fouled Up" and never heard otherwise until now actually, and my background is far from sheltered. So while I believe that in its military origin the F stood for the vulgar word, it definitely became sanitized and its usage is not vulgar, at least in its popularized civilian variation which has been around for a very long time.

[pissed, OTOH, is definitely crass and unrefined and I was surprised to see it on this site]

amother

Jasmine

Wed, Apr 27 2022, 9:16 pm

Odelyah wrote:

That is the sanitized version, where some prudish people substituted "fouled" for the original when soldiers turned civilians returning home from army duty brought it with them, so it became acceptable to use in mixed company.
At this point it has evolved and become a regular word, but yes, it originated from vulgar word usage.
It is hardly the same as some of the other words or acronyms mentioned here, though.

GLUE

Wed, Apr 27 2022, 11:16 pm

I am surprised nobody brought this up,

The Binah had a picture magazine were they had pictures of women.

The first one was a blurred out picture of a woman pushing a baby carriage in the Sukous picture
The second one was with the mobile home it had Gasp,Gasp,Gasp a picture of the whole head with the face clearly visible. Can't Believe It

Does this mean it's time to cancel my subscription?(Yes I am being sarcastic)