What to wear to a non religious bar mitzvah

amother

Thu, Apr 28 2022, 10:46 am

I’m yeshivish
We have to attend a very well to do business partner’s son’s bar mitzvah on a Sunday afternoon in May.
I love wearing a black skirt with a dressy top but I feel like I will stand out. Or maybe no matter what I’ll stand out anyway.
What could I do to make myself look classy while being dressed tznius?
Obviously I will wear makeup and a nice shaitel.
I should probably wear nude color stockings?
Any more advice?
I’m in my upper 40’s

shabbatiscoming

Thu, Apr 28 2022, 10:48 am

In israel or elsewhere? In israel, id say anything goes. Really.
Anywhere else, id say wear what you are comfortable in, maybe relaxed shabbat clothing.

ShishKabob

Thu, Apr 28 2022, 10:50 am

BrisketBoss wrote:

I wouldn't overthink it, just wear what you would wear to any bar mitzvah.

This!

Chana Miriam S

Thu, Apr 28 2022, 11:00 am

It’s an afternoon event. How would you normally dress fur an afternoon event? Where is it being held? Is it horseback riding? In a park? I’m a synagogue?

Just because they aren’t religious doesn’t mean you can’t dress appropriately. There’s also no reason you can’t overdress as if you’re going somewhere better later. Their religious observances have nothing to do with how you dress. Even if others are not dressed tzniusly, you will be.

amother

Yarrow

Thu, Apr 28 2022, 11:04 am

It's an afternoon bar mitzvah in may. Wear a nice tsnius dress in a spring color or floral, nude stockings and nude heels. I literally wore similar to an afternoon spring bar mitzvah in Lakewood last year and it was perfect. I mean, you weren't planning on black tights, right?

amother

Burgundy

Thu, Apr 28 2022, 11:07 am

The only difference level in observance makes is tznius (or lack thereof). Presumably you won't be deviating from your typical standard of tznius just because you'll be in a not so religious setting, so that makes it a question of formality. The invitation should state the dress code (cocktail, black tie, business casual etc) if it doesn't, ask the host. Be aware, less observant jews tend to make a big deal about the party aspect, so it may actually be more formal than you'd expect (I've actually been to black tie bar and bat mitzvahs. It's definitely a thing for some). Check the invitation and ask of you're still not clear.

amother

Thu, Apr 28 2022, 11:14 am

Thank you for the replies!
I’m not a fan of how look in floral so I really don’t have that now.
It’s not in Israel but they are Israeli.
Definitely a black tie event.
I have a sprained ankle 😐… can I wear dressy flats? Dh thinks I should wear heels. I’m short and he’s tall. Should I wear them since I’ll probably be mostly sitting?
I’m wearing black tights today because it’s cold here so thanks for the reminder that black tights to a formal event in May is a no no.
And no, I would never compromise on tznius but I don’t want to stand out like a sore thumb either.
Thanks for all the advice!

STMommy

Thu, Apr 28 2022, 11:21 am

most likely the ladies will all be wearing dresses, not a top/skirt outfit.
I would definitely wear a dress.

amother

Thu, Apr 28 2022, 11:30 am

STMommy wrote:

most likely the ladies will all be wearing dresses, not a top/skirt outfit.
I would definitely wear a dress.

Hmmm… I am short and chubby. I don’t usually look good in dresses. You think I should still try to buy one?

amother

Jetblack

Thu, Apr 28 2022, 11:31 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Hmmm… I am short and chubby. I don’t usually look good in dresses. You think I should still try to buy one?

I'm short and chubby and I only look good in dresses.
But you should definitely wear what looks good on you, and not what you think everyone else will be wearing. If you look better in a skirt, wear a skirt.

amother

Thu, Apr 28 2022, 11:37 am

amother [ Jetblack ] wrote:

Maybe it depends how the weight is distributed. I have only found ONE dress in the last number of years that looked better on me than a skirt and top. Or maybe I’m just shopping in the wrong stores…

amother

Lemonlime

Thu, Apr 28 2022, 11:42 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Don't wear heals with a sprained ankle.
Do you have a dressy maxi skirt by any chance if it's black tie?