family members won't call DD by the name we are calling her

amother

Quince

Sat, Aug 27 2022, 7:06 pm

We had this with one of my children. My mother didn’t approve of the nickname we chose, she felt it didn’t sound Jewish enough (even though it is a fairly common Jewish name!). So she called my child by a more Jewish-y nickname for a good while. For example if dd name was Miriam and we decided to call her Mimi, but instead she chose to call her Miri.

I just ignored her comments because it had nothing to do with her! Eventually she came around.

amother

Sat, Aug 27 2022, 8:21 pm

This name is not a name from that side of the family- so it has nothing to do with them wanting to preserve a name. That's for sure. I haven't yet asked, I'm thinking to leave it and just let it bother me for the rest of my life

amother

Hydrangea

Sat, Aug 27 2022, 8:29 pm

I don't understand . You're upset some family members are calling your child the name that you actually gave them ?! That makes no sense to me .

amother

Dimgray

Sat, Aug 27 2022, 8:57 pm

My mil calls my son by a nickname I hate. Thankfully we don’t see them often so I don’t make an issue out of it. Sometimes ds will tell her that’s not my name.

amother

Eggshell

Sat, Aug 27 2022, 9:00 pm

amother OP wrote:

Why would you rather live with resentment when can respectfully communicate and find out why they do that?

amother

Aubergine

Sat, Aug 27 2022, 9:06 pm

amother Springgreen wrote:

I do this. If the nickname sounds silly to me like yashi or mulie or lolly or berry, I just skip it and use the real name. Sorry. It's just the way I am. The children have beautiful Jewish names, why botch it.

I'm the same I can't bring myself to call a child by a silly name. If it's a nickname that generally used and sound ms similar to the name then fine. But, if it sounds silly to me I just can't do it, sorry. I do much prefer using real names.

amother

Wallflower

Sun, Aug 28 2022, 7:32 am

Leave them be.
You call your child what you want. As long as they’re not making up a ridiculous name and calling your child Ernestine or Percival, don’t engage. It’s not worth the energy.
As it happens I call one of my dc’s by their full name and everyone including dh calls the child a nickname. No one made anything of it until dc got married and dilc (dear in-law child) pointed it out.
I also have pet names for a couple of dgk (dear grand-kids) whom I love to bits. Dilc’s have not commented (yet) but thanks to this thread I’ll try harder to pay attention and hear exactly what their parents call them and do the same.

amother

Bisque

Sun, Aug 28 2022, 1:22 pm

My ds has a family nickname from infancy that everyone calls him except my in-laws. It's a bit babyish, but it is affectionate. His lifelong school friends all have nicknames for each other and they also use it. My father in law insists on calling him by his full name. My mother in law uses the common nickname for that name. Everyone else calls him by his family nickname. (Like GF calls him William, GM calls him Bill, and friends call him Williepoo--a more Jewish name, but you get the idea) My kids and their cousins think it's hilarious that their grandfather won't call him that. He's almost 20 and I've gotten used to it. No idea why. I agree that it's annoying, but I'd let it go.

amother

Sun, Aug 28 2022, 2:55 pm

amother Aubergine wrote:

It is not a "silly" name. Is Esti a silly name? Shiffy? Chavi? Devory? They're not silly. They are shortened/endearing names for Esther, shiffy, chava, devorah. If I chose to name my daughter Chana, but to call her chani, these family members should call her chani. Especially if they're not playing the same shtick with another child in the family who is called by a different name (think shif or deenz or devo...)

amother

Obsidian

Sun, Aug 28 2022, 3:09 pm

Our rabbi told us that calling a child by their name - and not a nickname - opens the door for bracha from that name. I understand you have a nickname that you prefer, but if your parents are using the given name, why not reframe your thoughts to "they are opening the door for bracha from the name?"

I would also be grateful they are not making up a nickname of their own. My parents make up nicknames for my kids, and one of the nicknames is just a syllable away from a swear word Can't Believe It

and honestly I think they have no clue...

amother

Amaranthus

Sun, Aug 28 2022, 5:43 pm

I named my son for my MIL's father, a name I disliked. To compromise with my husband, I said I would do so but wanted to call him by a nickname (Like Yudi instead of Yehuda). You'd think she'd be happy enough with that. But no. She insisted on calling him with a chasidish/yiddish pronunciation even though no one in her family is remotely from those communities. (Like she called him Yehidu although obvs not this name). Eventually, she stopped after a few years of me saying nicely with a smile we call him Yudi. Even tho I wanted to slap her. Super annoying and very disrespectful.

farm

Sun, Aug 28 2022, 9:59 pm

Once the kid is old enough, you can coach them to insist on calling them what they prefer (which may or may not be this nickname you are using 😜). Alternatively, pick one of their kids (your sis or bro in law) and start calling them something other than what the rest of the world calls them. When they and/or your in laws complain, you can let them know this is what you plan to do until they call your kid what the rest of the world calls them too!