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momaleh

Tue, May 10 2022, 5:18 am

TravelHearter wrote:

The question is what happened with Nechami and Shua between the ‘before’ and ‘after’? She keeps on referring to those hard days, and the way Shua was, and how it’s different now, but the author doesn’t elaborate on how the change was made. It’s not only that the kids got older. Shua is a lot more intuitive then he used to be, and she’s more expressive. What changed? What happened?

Also Dudi’s mother drives me nuts. It’s so clear how how she talks to and reacts to Dudi makes such a difference in his life. Why does she have to say every word that she’s feeling to him?

After her trip to Europe, Shua realized something was off. The author doesn't tell us how he changed, but the implication is he woke up, because until then she pretended to be ok, and now he knew she wasn't.

DustyDiamonds

Tue, May 10 2022, 5:39 am

And can we talk about Gedalia! He seems to have absorbed his mother’s bitterness and inability to accept anyone different in a very extreme way that irks me to no end!

These people see Chumros as the holy grail and completely forgot that God explicitly says Ve’ahavta Le’raecha Kamocha!!!!!!!!

amother

Catmint

Tue, May 10 2022, 8:16 am

heidi wrote:

Also, I have a sneaking suspicion that Neve Tznobarim is Rechasim.. This author has a great sense of humor.

Or Achisamach? Meitzad is very charedi but not the very typical young with it but sheltered type.

amother

Catmint

Tue, May 10 2022, 8:20 am

The serial is spot on. Her books are known to raise very very good questions to very real scenarios in the chassidish/very yeshivish charedi circles to the point where many mainstream charedi schools discourage the students from reading her books.

Chayalle

Tue, May 10 2022, 8:36 am

amother [ Trillium ] wrote:

it's so interestsing to see others' perspectives. I think Nechami is the only one to blame for the difficulties of the early years. (As an aside, does anybody in real life really think as extremely as she does? Even after she faints on the floor, and is awakened by her little boy holding a little hammer over her head, she still shleps in a taxi with 3 babies to her mother in the middle of the night?! She honesly believes that she is only allowed to ask her husband to come home if she's on her deathbed?!)
If he's leaving the house to learn, and says, "Bye, I'll see you tomorrow, I'll be home after 1 AM", and she smiles and says, "Sure! it is my greatest zchus to know you are learning 22 hours a day!", then that is what he hears and accepts. From what we see of his kindness and caring at this point, he simply needed to be told and he would have happily and instantly been home more.

I think she is not the typical but I know someone like that. The type that if one kid is sick, she shleps all five of her kids (under 7) with her to the doctor in the rain because ch'v her husband should lift a finger to help her.

I think there's a vast difference between being married to someone like R' Chaim Kanievsky, and your average Kollel guy (even a very big masmid Kollel guy) and it's important to teach girls the difference.

Before I got married to my Kollel DH, my friend's father (a veteran mechanech of boys for many years, very Chashuv person) told me he has a piece of advice for me. He said don't be martyr. And he said start this right away - ask your husband for help - so it won't be hard when you need it.

I think perhaps the Chareidi society in EY pushes the girls harder than the yeshivish community in the US. I only know one person like that and it's an extreme. Most people I know, the DH's pitch in plenty....

amother

Tue, May 10 2022, 8:47 am

DustyDiamonds wrote:

Gedalia infuriates me to no end.
I suspect he might be on the spectrum. It's personality too but that extent of rigidness points to something more than personality.

That moment where he lay with Tovi on the floor was heartwarming.

Some chapters are total tear jerkers. Ruti Kempler where are you? Come take your bow!

amother

Tue, May 10 2022, 8:49 am

Also I don't think he's like his mother.
Yes he absorbed her extreme black and white way of thinking. But his mother is more able to let go then him. She doesn't obsess about rules the way he does.

Also we never meet the father. Where is he in all this?

amother

Catmint

Tue, May 10 2022, 8:52 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

He isn't like her but he was raised by her.

PinkFridge

Tue, May 10 2022, 9:10 am

momaleh wrote:

And yet she seems to be ambivalent. She doesn't have to go full blown chareidi but you sense she wouldn't mind making some changes. And Shua maybe too.

amother

Purple

Tue, May 10 2022, 9:52 am

PinkFridge wrote:

And yet she seems to be ambivalent. She doesn't have to go full blown chareidi but you sense she wouldn't mind making some changes. And Shua maybe too.

Huh? Shua and Nechami are as chareidi as you can get.

Chayalle

Tue, May 10 2022, 9:55 am

TravelHearter wrote:

I also felt that she made it sound like it's normal and typical that in Chareidi circles, men start out "before" like Shua, and it's like growing pains, and not to worry, because in the end they magically make the transition and end up "after".

And I don't think this is true IRL. I think men like that often don't make that transition, they might still be exactly the same years later.

amother

Dustypink

Tue, May 10 2022, 10:21 am

So happy to see a thread on this serial!! Reading about Shua actually motivated me to seek an evaluation and professional support for my genius, oblivious son. We are seeing tremendous improvement in his ability to be intuitive, read cues and respond appropriately. Ruti Kempler is my hero!

amother

Tue, May 10 2022, 2:53 pm

amother [ Dustypink ] wrote:

wow, that's awesome!!

amother

Tue, May 10 2022, 2:55 pm

Chayalle wrote:

I didn't see it that way.
The way it's described how he was in the early years it is very dysfunctional. But she puts it more on Nechami that she should've spoken up more and Shua would've gladly stepped in.

I still think Shua has a share in all this and should've picked up that his wife was carrying so much. I mean, great that he loves his gemara but your wife is still more important.

amother

Tue, May 10 2022, 2:57 pm

I also appreciate how it shines a light on the fact that women giving birth to baby after baby is not a joke and you really need a lot of support to make it through intact. Having a few little ones without proper support is not something that should be taken lightly, can really lead to breakdowns etc.

amother

Daffodil

Tue, May 10 2022, 3:54 pm

Ds is not married yet but it's bh a huge masmid. BUT he knows before pesach he puts away his gemara for 2-3 hours to help out at home . I know it's not easy for him but this is what he does. Iyh I hope he will do the same for his wife .

PinkFridge

Tue, May 10 2022, 5:37 pm

amother [ Purple ] wrote:

Huh? Shua and Nechami are as chareidi as you can get.

Oops. I was getting them confused with Dudi and Yaffale.

momallhours

Tue, May 10 2022, 6:07 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Yes this I feel like she is doing us all a favor and showing all men look wives do need help after birth etc..

The question begs to be asked why do we feel the need to be such martyrs?

momallhours

Tue, May 10 2022, 6:07 pm

amother [ Daffodil ] wrote:

His wife will thank you one day Very Happy

amother

Brown

Tue, May 10 2022, 7:20 pm

Huge fan here too!
Hope it never ends.
What other things has this author written?
Are they in English or Hebrew ?

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