S/o judging working women

amother

Tue, May 10 2022, 2:14 pm

Does it make me a terrible mother that I prefer working to being home? I love my kids and I would do anything for them. But somehow they drive me insane.
Look, I also work for the money, we wouldn't manage on dh's wage alone. But I can't compare my enjoyment of being stimulated at work, being praised for good work that I do, being appreciated for what I do.
At home, my kids whine and make a mess, what I do is taken for granted, and frankly a waste of time as they mess up the house immediately after. The food I make is usually greeted with eeeew yuck.
Okay, I don't feel like this all the time, but definitely after some days I do feel like I wish I could hide under my covers and block out everything.
If you're feeling self-righteous and that you're a wonderful mother and you would never sacrifice anything and your children always come first, please don't be mean. This is me feeling human and slightly vulnerable.

amother

Hyacinth

Tue, May 10 2022, 2:19 pm

As a SAHM I completely understand you. While I’m thankful to not have to work—very thankful!!—I’m also often jealous of my husband. I wouldn’t mind working knowing the kids and household was in another parent’s hands.

amother

Lawngreen

Tue, May 10 2022, 2:19 pm

If your kids are not neglected or suffering as a result of you working, than no, you're absolutely not a horrible mother. We're entitled to enjoyment and stimulation as long as we make sure our kids don't suffer as a result.

justforfun87

Tue, May 10 2022, 2:19 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Nope, you are normal and fine. I love my kids but maternity leave is dreadful for me after the first few weeks. I would never want to do camp mommy. The reason is I would feel too guilty having them on screens, eating garbage food, etc. I need a break and my job is just good enough where I don't come home exhausted and home by 4 (changed jobs) and still can chat, cuddle, and hang out with the kids.

amother

Mustard

Tue, May 10 2022, 2:24 pm

I’m an all or nothing person. Black or white.

When I found a job that gave me the thrill I had no boundaries. Part time isn’t paying enough for it to be worth it for me to work.

So far now I’m a SAHM mom working on my issues.

amother

Burgundy

Tue, May 10 2022, 2:41 pm

Working makes me a much better mother. I come home and I have the energy to be the on parent for a few hours. I also get cleaning help even though much of my money goes straight for that. But it’s worth it for me to leave the house and have someone else clean up and I get to be a loving mom for a few hours.

I literally wouldn’t know what to do with myself, staring at a baby all day. Most women just kind of take their kids on errands and while doing chores.

amother

Amber

Tue, May 10 2022, 3:25 pm

I am a proud, unabashed career mom. It's what I've always wanted. I was at one point a sahm for about 2 years but it was not by choice and it was miserable. I don't neglect my kids. I have the best time with them when we are together, and I even enjoy the nightly grind of dinner/homework/bedtime routines because it's quality time. I enjoy Shabbos with them. But I can't handle being with them alllll day every day. It's exhausting and miserable and doesn't work for me. I also hate hate hate housework. So I work at a job I enjoy where I get to really use my brain. I have full time cleaning help and do very little housework myself. My kids are in school or playgroup and are happy there. And we have a happy healthy functional home during times we're all at home. Wouldn't have it any other way.

amother

Dustypink

Tue, May 10 2022, 3:43 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

You are normal. You are fine.
I'm a bit shocked your kids say eeeeew juck about food.
It is NOT acceptable by any standards. You are not a restaurant. Any person uttering such words will not be served a meal in my home. Period.

amother

Lawngreen

Tue, May 10 2022, 4:21 pm

amother [ Dustypink ] wrote:

Depending on the age, it may be age appropriate.

imorethanamother

Tue, May 10 2022, 4:38 pm

amother [ Dustypink ] wrote:

I’m pretty sure you can empathize with a kid who doesn’t like dinner instead of saying well no food for you.

Whatever it is, that working mothers thread is falling apart fast. Now loads of mothers are abandoning their children everywhere? Don’t buy it.

amother

Wed, May 11 2022, 11:14 am

Thanks everyone for making me feel less alone. I think sometimes this site is seriously unhealthy and I wonder why I still keep coming back and reading threads like that. Sometimes I feel like what should have been a simple question becomes so judgemental, for what? Just to take the opposite side and play devil's advocate? And then the rest of us start second guessing ourselves and thinking maybe they have a point as there seems to be so many taking that view.

amother

Wed, May 11 2022, 11:19 am

amother [ Dustypink ] wrote:

My oldest is 7. And a girl. She has very specific ideas of what constitutes a reasonable supper in her book. Things like fish sticks and pizza get a immediate yum. Suppers that I spend time on, whether meatballs, stirfry or other more substantial meals that take much longer to prep, she turns her nose up at.
Over time, she is better at knowing what is acceptable talking, but it still sometimes comes out. I feel like I want to focus on positive reinforcement and not making such a big deal of the language as otherwise it becomes a big deal. A simple we say it's not my taste, or a please can I have something else, then moving on, and over time she is better with that. Otherwise it becomes a battle and a big deal and the language usage will stick in her head and it will become much harder to change.

amother

Burntblack

Wed, May 11 2022, 1:01 pm

Same here
I love my job and find raising kids and housework drudgery of the worst sort. I do love my kids, I just find then exhausting.
I stayed home for a good long while after my two kids and was read to kill myself after a while.

amother

Lawngreen

Wed, May 11 2022, 1:19 pm

Please don't take this question the wrong way, but if someone hates being at home and can't stand being with their kids all day, why are they having kids?
Asking seriously. Posters here are using strong language to describe how they'd feel if they need to be home with their children & raise their children. Why are such people having children?

amother

Amber

Wed, May 11 2022, 1:30 pm

Except we did explain? We do love our children and enjoy raising them, we just don't want to be all in all day long. I love my husband and my siblings too, but I wouldn't want to be with any of them all day long either. It shouldn't be that hard to understand 🤷‍♀️