do you love 1 child more than the rest?

amother

Tue, May 13 2008, 3:10 am

I find that my 5 yr old is smart and adorable and actually has a lot of my personality. But he has so much extra energy and I have to constantly keep him busy and out of trouble. I have to do math workbooks with him or play games with him on the computer or read books with him. he can play by himself for a little while but not more that 30 min. I have other less needy kids that seem easier to me. I enjoy when he is not home so I can relax and enjoy the others too. Is this normal?

Chani

Tue, May 13 2008, 4:09 am

yes, of course. I'm sure you don't love the others more, but you do get worn out by this child and need the occasional break, which is understandable given your description! Even parents don't have an inexhaustible supply of energy.

su7kids

Tue, May 13 2008, 4:13 am

I don't love one more than the others, but I do find that each one fulfills a different "need" in me at different times.

I don'[t think its an unusual thing to have one child be more "demanding" than the others at one time or another.

greenfire

Tue, May 13 2008, 5:56 am

yes
people have different personalities ...
although I love them all the same amount - but for different reasons
worst thing growing up was the lies "I love you all the same"

chocolate moose

Tue, May 13 2008, 6:57 am

Define love.

Love isn't sugar that gets used up and you need to go to the store for more. There's enough for everyone.

You might like one more than another, though. Or favor one over another. That's not love, though.

mimivan

Tue, May 13 2008, 7:31 am

su7kids wrote:

I have just two so far, but I find this to be true. My oldest has always been more demanding, but I get nachas from his intelligence ba'h.

my two year old is jreally cuddly...so he fulfills my need for someone to cuddle.

Of course, I hope I don't get in the habit of casting them into roles. The cuddly one is also smart and the smart one is also cuddly.

I'd suggest finding that quality in every child that gives one satisfaction.

zufriedene

Sat, Jun 07 2008, 1:06 pm

I doubt if it starts out loving one child more than the other, but we arent angels, and then some time the name the child is given creates some thing different about him and then those more demanding ones emotionally, ruchniasdige wise that just build up either great compassion or tend to test our tolerance. I always ask Hashem for extra protection for those that manage to challenge me, to remember to love them.

Ruchel

Sun, Jun 08 2008, 4:21 am

If you love a child more than others, please don't show it. It's atrocious for the others AND also very destructive for him. You also deprive him of the possibility to have a normal sibling relationship.

juko

Sun, Jun 15 2008, 5:13 pm

I find myself kissing my baby all the time while my 3 yo not as much. I love the innocence of the baby and the cuddlyness. My 3 yo is very demanding and has alot of energy. I love them both to death but I think its easier to show love to a baby. I love it when my older one is not home cause its so much quieter around the house while I don't mind when ithe baby is home. He's always smiling, just because I smiled at him, it's so easy to make them happy. Just pick him up and he's happy. But the older one needs alot more to make him happy. But I try as hard as I can to not show this. If I am kissing one I kiss the other. Also, when the baby gets older and more demanding, things will be different.
As a side, growing up as a middle child of 7, I always felt my mom loved me the least of everybody. Whether or not this is true I don't know but it's how I felt and it affected my life till now and it still affects me every day. That's why I try my hardest to not let that happen in my own family. I know what it can do to kids. Even if secretly I prefer one over another I will NEVER let the child know that.

Tefila

Sun, Jun 15 2008, 5:30 pm

Quote:

Ditto su7kids Smile

amother

Sun, Jun 15 2008, 10:36 pm

I find that over the years, one child has been consistently more needy and demanding and uncooperative and verbally abusive to parents and siblings alike. After over a decade of this, I got worn out. I feel guilty as heck, but I *do* love this child less than the others, less than the child deserves, less than the child needs.

This child *needs* to be loved *more* than the others, but I just dont have it in me anymore, I am all drained out. 16 years of giving and having it shoved back in my face with vinegar. I have recently tried to be more affectionate and do little things to show I care, I need to carefully and gradually rebuild the relationship.

louche

Mon, Jun 16 2008, 8:03 am

I love them all the same, but there are days when I like one or another more or less. Love is permanent, liking comes and goes. Liking has to do with whether or not you want to be in the same room. Love has to do with whether or not you'd take a bullet for them.