The imperfect chessed thread. The other side off the story

amother

Dimgray

Wed, May 18 2022, 4:20 pm

amother [ Gray ] wrote:

I told you that I stopped because the traveling was too stressful. It can take over an hour to bring it over and it's at an hour of the day when the kids are all cranky. It wasn't because of the preparation of the food, it was because of the travel.

That is travel on top of hours of prepping food, don't forget. Not travel after spending 15 minutes worth of prep for a pan of chicken and rice or whatever.

And, let's say it's someone in your immediate neighborhood who needs food. Are all the frum people you know living an hour away by car? Nobody frum on your block or surrounding ones?

amother

Dimgray

Wed, May 18 2022, 4:23 pm

amother [ Navy ] wrote:

Shlepping down with the baby is harder than cooking a basic meal/settling for prepackaged foods and using disposable dishes.

So are you saying, it's actually not that big a deal for a new mom to prep supper on her own, so why is a meal train delivery even needed? Lol. Problem solved!

amother

Yarrow

Wed, May 18 2022, 4:34 pm

amother [ Navy ] wrote:

It is a big deal. It's just an even bigger deal to leave the house.

Not to run down to the driveway. I get to relax when I get suppers and don’t have a mess to cleanup get to spend more time with baby. I freeze a ton before a baby so that way I literally pull out out into oven and there is food.

amother

Gray

Wed, May 18 2022, 4:34 pm

amother [ Dimgray ] wrote:

Cooking is not difficult for me. It takes time but if my kids are happy playing in the house then it's really not a big deal. Getting my kids into the car at that time of day takes at least 15 minutes. A 5-10 minute drive during rush hour can take 20-30 minutes. Plus 5-20 minutes to find parking plus another 10 minutes running it up to their house from my car, then another 20-30 minutes drive back. Then the youngest ones have probably fallen asleep in the car so I have screwed up their bedtime. I can try to find a babysitter but babysitters are usually not available to come at that time. Or I can balance it in my stroller and then they can get smashed food for dinner.

Heyaaa

Wed, May 18 2022, 4:37 pm

mig100 wrote:

True. It saved her all that.

Most mothers value being in control and having flexibility over the time. If she made an easy supper, or bought pizza, she can do it when she is in the mood

Being told to suddenly "come run down . im waiting in the car and cant park" is an inconveince. Perhaps she finally got the baby to sleep and was about to finally lay down now she has to get dressed and run

The one making the supper should have asked in advance , "would it be a big deal for you to meet me at the car at around this time, ill text you when im on the way so you can have some warning"

Personally, I mostly only make meals for those that are neighbors or easy to get to. If I wanted to send something to someone who was far or hard to get to, I would order something that includes delivery.

Did you read the other thread? She probably planned on bringing it upstairs except there was no parking. Her original intention was to park and then carry the food up herself.

amother

Lightblue

Wed, May 18 2022, 4:43 pm

mig100 wrote:

And yet, you were one of those who badmouthed the chessed lady on the other thread.
She drove across town to deliver a meal to someone she may not have even known, and she's getting the flak here for daring to sign up?
Maybe that OP wouldn't have gotten any meals if only close neighbors and friends would have joined the meal train.
Would that really have been better??

keym

Wed, May 18 2022, 4:44 pm

Am I tge only one whose friends and social circle has made it 100% ok to bring supper at night for the next day with warming instructions?
I always make sure to tell people that that is my limitation. I can't get out at 4/5pm but I can get out at 9pm.
Ok, it would be even better if supper was ready to eat but all of my circle is happy to have thosr pans of chicken and rice or spaghetti and meatballs in the fridge that we just put in the oven to warm.
My relatives and friends do the same thing for me.

amother

Dimgray

Wed, May 18 2022, 4:51 pm

keym wrote:

I have certainly read complaints on imamother about getting anything less than a hot meal ready to eat. Because it's too hard for the post partum mom to put it into the oven and if she waits for her kids to come home from school to put it in for her, they are hungry and kvetchy till it's ready. Or their kids are too young to heat it up and their husband works too late.

Although if someone is that incapacitated how do they not have someone in their home to help them out with picking up and carrying the baby, or getting up and opening the door for the their kids when they get dropped off after school? Someone who presumably could put a pan of food to heat up or even a pan of raw chicken into the oven to cook. Whether their husband comes home early or they hire a helper or get a chessed volunteer. But I digress...

amother

Gray

Wed, May 18 2022, 4:52 pm

keym wrote:

I think this is brilliant. I wish this was implemented in my community. I would definitely sign up more often.

amother

Holly

Wed, May 18 2022, 5:39 pm

amother [ Gray ] wrote:

I think this is brilliant. I wish this was implemented in my community. I would definitely sign up more often.

I send food the day before with a pan and a microwave-safe container: If you have time to think about it before hand, you put it in the oven. If it's last minute, you stick it in the microwave.

amother

Amber

Wed, May 18 2022, 5:44 pm

I can’t drop it off during dinner time. What I do is text the woman I’m cooking for ahead of time and ask her if I can drop it off in the morning on the way to work. And she can reheat at her convenience. Or, and this I do sometimes instead, I get her a gift card to treat herself to lunch. Postmates if she has a smartphone or I send her money or something (for a place that delivers). It comes out to the same financially ($25 for her or dinner for her family with chicken, veg, side etc). I personally really loved it when I had something like that when I was postpartum! An excuse to get a yummy lunch delivered:)

amother

Snowdrop

Wed, May 18 2022, 6:37 pm

keym wrote:

My friends offer to have their husbands pick it up and I did the same. The only problem was that I was starved by the time the food came but it was worth it not to have to cook

amother

Outerspace

Wed, May 18 2022, 6:55 pm

I once had a relative come down to pick up food from me postpartum. Apparently I’m the worst human in the universe. I had been away on vacation overseas with my kids and arrive that morning from an overnight flight. I ordered pizza, fries and salad and was trying to drop it off but when I was parallel parking, I was so overtired that I crashed into the car parked behind me and got wedged in. Called the cops right away and they weren’t showing up. My kids fell asleep in the car since we were all so jetlagged. I couldn’t abandon my car and sleeping kids, especially since we were halfway blocking a relatively busy street, so I called my cousin and asked if she’d be able to come down to get the food. She came down and even thanked me. And I used to make meals for people and it would take me 2-3 hours. It boggles my mind to read most of these comments- and I’ve had some very traumatic births.

mig100

Wed, May 18 2022, 8:02 pm

keym wrote:

I think its a great idea.

if I was receiving , I would prefer this so I have peace of mind of knowing I have it

Mommy1:)

Wed, May 18 2022, 8:36 pm

Wow this is a loaded thread...

Personally, I would be thrilled with chicken and potatoes! Tonight we had grilled cheese and sliced veggies and frozen fruit; a warm meal sounds delightful. One full time working mom to another - Watergirl - your chessed is incredible! Amazing that you can pull it off!

When I read this thread at first, I was quite stirred up. the chicken and potato dinner sounded amazing, and to read of all the upset Imas who wouldn't want that dinner was surprising... I walked away from it to try to see the other side, which wasn't easy at first... especially considering the negative feedback could easily have been about me. And the loshon hora circle complaints about any of it - even a restaurant/store made and delivered meal - tragic on so many levels. So many of the comments sounded highly entitled, it made me feel sick.

Then I came to a realization...

If a poor person comes to your door, there is a mitzvah to feed him the way he was fed when he wasn't poor. While Imas who have just had a baby aren't necessarily poor, if an Ima has an expectation for a Shabbos or Yom Tov level meal - with multiple dishes and courses etc - then she should make her wants clear. Then it's up to the Imas to decide if they can deliver such a meal. But if any Imas out there want all meals prepared in a certain way and to a certain standard but don't let folks know, they have ZERO rights to complain. Period.

For those of you who join in any of those loshon hora circles to complain about or hear complaints about someone's meal delivery, we really NEED Moshiach. There is endless suffering in this world today. Just walk away from the loshon hora, please.