Postpartum meal delivery I'll never forget (positive)

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Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette

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amother

Wed, May 18 2022, 6:10 pm

Here's my story. I'm starting my own thread because I want people to see it.

I got married pretty young and had a baby 2 years later so I made lots and lots of meals for friends who had their first babies. (Including a meal for a friend's mother... boy was I annoyed and then even more upset when I delivered it and she said her mom had left town already)

So when I finally had a baby, my married friends were busy with 1-2 kids and my single friends weren't on the radar.
I also moved into my mothers house for 2 weeks so nobody thought I needed any food. In reality I was hardly pampered there and I was busy feeding myself but that's a different story.

Side note: You never know what anyones experience is like. I once sent an entire shabbos to someone who had a bunch of sisters and sisters in law living down the block but her husband outright asked my husband in shul for food.... so go figure... I know that everyone thought I was being taken care of in my mothers house but I was actually home alone all day in an empty house making my own food.

Anyway...
After 2 weeks I returned to my little apartment feeling exhausted and overwhelmed. I also had a simcha the next day but somehow had to make supper and restock my apartment etc.

Now I had one friend, a casual seminary friend who had insisted that I tell her when I return to town. I totally forgot about it. But here I am, standing in my empty apartment surrounded by all the baby paraphernalia to unpack and she messages me that my husband should come pick up the food.

Dh comes back and puts things on the table. I see a pan of ziti and I'm like - OK well its a nice thought, I won't really eat pasta but at least dh will. I'm starving though so I sit down and eat about 2 plates of ziti lol.

Once I come up for air, I realize there's other stuff on the table. There was so much diapers, etc dumped on it that I didn't notice the rest of my friends delivery. Here it was: zucchini soup, the pan of ziti, a pan of undressed salad, a container of cut up fruit, a plate of brownies AND disposable plates, cups and cutlery!!

It's 5+ years later and I can still cry from the feeling of being nurtured and supported.

If you read this you know who you are!!

Ever since then I try to specifically send meals especially if it's after the time. And I try to go overboard like that. Because every new mother deserves it!!

amother

Aqua

Wed, May 18 2022, 6:16 pm

That is really nice!

I've honestly appreciated every meal I've ever received.

amother

Nemesia

Wed, May 18 2022, 6:24 pm

That's so sweet! You're lucky to have a friend like that.

You're right, you can never know what's really going on. Even if you think people are being taken care of, it's not always how it seems. And yes, people still need help even when they didn't give birth yesterday. If I'm able, I specifically try to send a meal the day someone goes back to work after a baby. It's always been hugely appreciated.

amother

Poinsettia

Wed, May 18 2022, 6:24 pm

Not to negate your friends generosity, but When I send suppers I send all that plus a chicken/fish and a potato side. It’s extremely nice of her but honestly, it’s not tons of food for a postpartum nursing mother. Unless it was meant to be lunch/snack and not supper

amother

Blush

Wed, May 18 2022, 6:27 pm

I appreciated all the meals, BH, but the one that really stands out to me was the lunch meal a neighbor sent over the day I came home from the hospital. It was a hot soup, salad and baked ziti. I love all those foods and it was all for me, just when I got in my house!! (And I'm not even particularly close to this neighbor...)

amother

Jade

Wed, May 18 2022, 6:27 pm

My husbands single friends sent us supper after I had a baby and I thought that was so thoughtful of them! They made themselves a bbq and sent us a huge pan- grilled cutlets, hot dogs, burgers, grilled veggies, along with buns

LittleDucky

Wed, May 18 2022, 6:31 pm

amother [ Poinsettia ] wrote:

What?!?!
Here she is, touched that someone helped her out. Something she remembered years later. Something important to her.
And you have the audacity to say that it was not good enough? That it wasnt enough food?
Apparently it was enough. She enjoyed it and remembered it and specific details about it. People dont remember things if it wasnt important to them and/or didnt impact them. This did. Why disrupt those memories and gratitude?

119

amother

Violet

Wed, May 18 2022, 6:36 pm

what I found really funny was that after I had a baby a few people sent suppers the first week or 2 and every single person sent rice for the side dish. We were nauseous from rice after that that I said that when I make suppers for people I am NOT doing rice lol

Ema of 5

Wed, May 18 2022, 6:41 pm

amother [ Poinsettia ] wrote:

If she appreciated it so much that it still stands out 5 years later, then that’s what matters. It was MORE than enough for her, and what’s more, it was appreciated!! Please don’t rain on her parade.
Also, that is PLENTY of food for one meal. Maybe not the healthiest, but definitely enough for one meal.

Last edited by Ema of 5 on Wed, May 18 2022, 6:42 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Poinsettia

Wed, May 18 2022, 6:41 pm

LittleDucky wrote:

No! That wasn’t my point at all! I’m just usually very very hungry after birth so I wanted to raise the point that it might not be enough for other mothers reading it and for op who said that she tries to send the same. I really apologize if it came across as rude. Not my intention at all

amother

Poinsettia

Wed, May 18 2022, 6:42 pm

Ema of 4 wrote:

Ok I see my post wasn’t appreciated. I’m sorry

Ema of 5

Wed, May 18 2022, 6:43 pm

amother [ Violet ] wrote:

That’s where a meal train or an organizer comes in handy. Everything gets written down, and you know what other people are sending, so you can try not to duplicate.

amother

Violet

Wed, May 18 2022, 6:45 pm

Ema of 4 wrote:

That’s where a meal train or an organizer comes in handy. Everything gets written down, and you know what other people are sending, so you can try not to duplicate.

iyh Im going to ask someone to take care of that for me the next time around. no one told me before what they were going to be sending

amother

Fuchsia

Wed, May 18 2022, 6:45 pm

The best thing I ever got was from my sisters, after a miscarriage. They told me to find a local place that has chocolate, coffee, etc. and order whatever I wanted. I got a box of chocolates, an iced coffee, and a couple of other things. I thought that was all I was getting, but then they added more on their own!!!

amother

Bottlebrush

Wed, May 18 2022, 6:47 pm

LittleDucky wrote:

Right? No matter what, when these threads start, you always end up with negative complaints that put down the hard work and effort someone put into a meal delivery.
Just makes those of us who aren't able to send 3 course meals with tons of extra sides feel it's not worth it to even bother with it anymore.
The entitlement is real and is very disheartening.

Ema of 5

Wed, May 18 2022, 6:48 pm

amother [ Violet ] wrote:

iyh Im going to ask someone to take care of that for me the next time around. no one told me before what they were going to be sending

Mealtrain is really my favorite because everything is right there when you click on the link. You can put in all the info you want- address, how many people, allergies/preferences, delivery time AND INSTRUCTIONS (such as there is no street parking and I can’t come out to get the food!!) and anyone who clicks on the link will see all of it. They see who is making what also, so hopefully they won’t duplicate. Also, it means that you don’t have to have someone accessible and organized to be writing everything down.

amother

Eggplant

Wed, May 18 2022, 6:52 pm

My mom and a couple of my siblings sent over meals and they were so very much appreciated. Family sends food that you like, the way you like it, you know?
Then one friend sent over supper and went all out with homemade Chinese food (not heavy fried). When I got to the bottom of the box under all the pans of food I found full tablecloth, cutlery, plates, cups, bottle of water etc. It was such a treat to just be able to sit down without having to set or clear the table afterward. This was years and years ago when people weren't really doing this. It was so nice to wrap up the whole tablecloth after and just throw everything out. Of course I had my own disposables but I didn't even have to go to the cabinets we just sat down and ate. I remember it almost 2 decades later.

amother

Tangerine

Wed, May 18 2022, 6:54 pm

After my 3rd I was crazy overwhelmed because my husband started grad school the same week and I had my other 2 kids home for the summer. I remember a mother of one of my student's - who I wasn't even particularly close with - randomly brought over supper one night. I don't usually ask for meals because I'm pretty organized about freezing beforehand and my mother lives close by, but this came on a perfect night and I was so so appreciative

amother

Cyclamen

Wed, May 18 2022, 7:04 pm

Not postpartum but someone set up a week-long meal train for me after I had a miscarriage. I was so anemic from blood loss and could barely stand. I don’t think anyone who brought over food knew why they were bringing it but I was so overwhelmed with gratitude for everyone who gave.

Blessing1

Wed, May 18 2022, 7:05 pm

amother [ Poinsettia ] wrote:

What OP received is a full meal for us and what I send to others. I send even less. I send soup, ziti, salad. Sometimes a baked good if I have time. I consider this a hearty meal.

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