3.5 and no interest

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Forum -> Children's Health -> Toilet Training

3.5 and no interest

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amother

Mon, May 23 2022, 11:40 am

Hi,
My almost 4 year old has no interest in getting rid of his diapers. I got him a potty and cute underwear. We haven't pressured him at all. He will go on the toilet every few days but then the next time we ask do you want to go, he says no I don't want to? Help anyone?

BrisketBoss

Mon, May 23 2022, 12:31 pm

Unless you think otherwise, at that age (almost 4) he can be put in charge of handling his own diaper changes, including cleaning up after a poop. Show him what to do. Many children soon find that this is a lot of trouble and it would be easier to just use the toilet.

amother

Ballota

Mon, May 23 2022, 12:38 pm

My 3.5 year old is also not interested.
Was interested in February- we didn’t put any pressure on her- and then she just stopped wanting to any more.
Now she is only interested once in a while.

BrisketBoss

Mon, May 23 2022, 12:46 pm

In general most children will 'train themselves' some time between 3 and 4. Some do it a little earlier, some a little later. Once they're about 4-4.5 it can be appropriate to give them a push (like Oops, we're out of diapers), even if you're trying to use this (highly recommended!) just-wait-for-it method. Observe your child and decide based on that. (Then there are a few kids who train really late because they have low muscle tone or something. Nothing to be gained by pushing it.)

Based on what you said about how he goes every few days it sounds like your son could be a candidate for a push.

Last edited by BrisketBoss on Mon, May 23 2022, 12:53 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Junglegreen

Mon, May 23 2022, 12:48 pm

I wouldn't put a kid that age in charge of diapers. doesn't make sense. I would tell him that when the diaper bag uses up you ³wont be buying any more diapers. I would let him think so even though expect extra laundry even changing sheets. If he is too comfortable in diapers whtywould he change. you gotta catch him when he starts having accidents and direct him to the potty. dont change him right away either.

BrisketBoss

Mon, May 23 2022, 12:56 pm

Putting a 4yo in charge of diapers is good for mothers who are really fed up with changing diapers. It works as a boundary for her, and 4yos really are capable of changing themselves. Otherwise if it's simply time for the diapers to go, usually running out of them is a good strategy.

amother

Camellia

Mon, May 23 2022, 12:58 pm

Put on his underwear, say there are no diapers anymore and he will be upset at getting wet and dirty, he will want to go to the potty.

amother

Sage

Mon, May 23 2022, 1:32 pm

You can be me my 3.5 year old won’t train we trued 2 times already and didn’t get far it’s so frustrating 😭

amother

Zinnia

Mon, May 23 2022, 1:43 pm

You are kind of to blame. Children who are toilet trained between 2.5 and 3 usually have a smoother transition.

A 4 year old, healthy child who isn't toilet trained is neglected. Bordering on dysfunctional.

gr82no

Mon, May 23 2022, 1:46 pm

amother [ Zinnia ] wrote:

Wow! I’m not in that stage yet or close to it, but such a child is not neglected and the family isn’t dysfunctional.
Such a rude and shameful comment

amother

Pistachio

Mon, May 23 2022, 2:07 pm

amother [ Zinnia ] wrote:

Sometimes a child isn’t ready till closer to four. The child is not neglected and it’s not dysfunctional. Boys especially are not always ready till later on

amother

DarkYellow

Mon, May 23 2022, 2:14 pm

amother [ Zinnia ] wrote:

How many kids do you have? What ages are they?

This is complete bs, excuse my French. Not all children are ready to be trained between 2.5-3. Forcing a child who isn't ready often backfires. My ds toilet trained when he was about 3 and 7 months because that's when he was ready. And when he was ready, it went quickly and easily. My son isn't neglected and we aren't dysfunctional, even if it would've taken him another 6 months or longer to train.

BrisketBoss

Mon, May 23 2022, 2:14 pm

amother [ Zinnia ] wrote:

I'm also not there yet but I'd rather be called dysfunctional than have a child who exhibits chronic holding and one or more of the many ensuing issues often seen in children who were potty trained early using traditional methods.

amother

Clover

Mon, May 23 2022, 5:07 pm

It’s not a big deal to do it closer to 4 years old. Many people rush to do it by 3 before nursery starts because the schools will only take them if they are trained. I know that’s what pushed me to train my son at 3 , the summer before school started.

amother

Mistyrose

Mon, May 23 2022, 5:12 pm

amother [ Zinnia ] wrote:

Highly controversial statement and very offensive to OP. (Besides for not being helpful at all, what should she do with your opinion at this stage? Give up her kid for adoption? Can't Believe It

)
What are you credentials?

cuties' mom

Mon, May 23 2022, 5:13 pm

What motivates him? I toilet trained one kid with Oreos as a reinforcer. My other kid wasn't motivated by oreos, but Barney videos worked for #1, and cupcakes did the job for #2.

amother

Tue, May 24 2022, 11:25 am

Thanks everyone for your replies. Yesterday was so busy I didn't have a chance to recheck this thread. So for reference, I am a therapist (think OT/PT /speech) working in pediatrics and do have a knowledge of child development. I didn't want to push my son, and this worked well with my other one. My other son was trained in a day or two at the age of 3. He was ready and motivated and went super smoothly.
To the amother with the strongly worded comment- I'm not going to defend myself after many kind posters came to my defense already BUT believe me I would have much preferred this son have been trained between 2.5 and 3 (pampers swaddlers (needs b/c of sensitive skin) are expensive! and changing dirty diapers etc)!!

For this son, right now I don't think I will have him clean up after himself, as I don't think he will be able to do that etc. I like the idea of trying to find a better motivator for him. Right now, if he tries, he gets a small treat (a few marshmallows/choc chips) and if he goes he gets a bigger one (a taffy or something). I also have a toy which he wants for when he starts wearing underwear. I like the idea of reexamining my motivators. Maybe I could find something else that is more exciting for him. Also agree that I may just have to say no more diapers and see how that works. Don't want to force and have it backfire but maybe he needs that push....

Thanks all who chimed in

amother

Cinnamon

Tue, May 24 2022, 11:30 am

In positive news, my 3.5 year old who has been saying things like “maybe when I’m five” actually made in the toilet yesterday! She’s far from fully trained, but this was the real breakthrough. In my experience, after a breakthrough the full training is usually not that far behind.

amother

Zinnia

Tue, May 24 2022, 12:05 pm

Where I live, the schools have a rule that every child needs to be toilet trained. Children always start at age 3, girls and boys (girls often start earlier)

I've never heard of a child not attending became they aren't toilet trained. Everyone manages somehow.

chocolate moose

Fri, May 27 2022, 12:44 pm

my kids were trained late but you know what? at least that meant no accidents? kids trained at 18 mos or 2 years old have a lot of accident.

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