Unable to do what my mind knows should be done

amother

Sun, May 29 2022, 7:29 am

Not sure if I could explain myself correctly but here goes:
My house is full of stuff and I’m desperate to declutter. In my head I know exactly what should be thrown out / given away but I can’t get myself to do it! I get so overwhelmed at the thought of how much has to get done so I do nothing!
I have seen tips in the past of doing one drawer, one shelf etc. but it doesn’t work for me. My issue is to get started.
How come my brain knows but somewhere in between knowing and doing I have a blockage??
And what is the magic solution?
(I have hired an organizer and we worked a few hours but it barely made a dent and it’s too expensive to continue)

amother

Thistle

Sun, May 29 2022, 7:48 am

My mind knows I should be on a serious diet, I am very much aware but I just can't start. I know it needs to be done asap, and would make me feel and look so much better.

Is there any connection?

I think the commitment is overwhelming..

amother

Ultramarine

Sun, May 29 2022, 7:51 am

Same!

But also when am I supposed to do it?
It's not even 8 and my children already need 100% of my attention. (BH! Just doesn't leave room to declutter)

Heyaaa

Sun, May 29 2022, 8:25 am

The pain of getting rid of stuff you’ve gotten attached to, and the overwhelmingness of it being such a huge project, has to be complemented with something pleasurable.

Having someone to reward you will help. It can be sending a sister pix of your progress so that she can compliment and encourage or you can award yourself with a new, expensive dress, when you’ve gotten rid of a set number of items.

Also, you should know who you’re giving the stuff to. Maybe post on your status that people should reach out if they want clothes size x y and z and kitchen items, etc. it’s easier when you know where it’s going. The rest will be donated but it will be easier once you know that the other stuff actually went to homes and didn’t just sit in a warehouse.

amother

Sun, May 29 2022, 8:30 am

So that’s the thing - it’s not painful for me to get rid of most things, it’s the action of getting it done. Maybe part of the issue is dealing with people coming to pickup which is really annoying. So that is something to think about.

And yes I can relate to the poster about kids needing us. And when they are finally asleep and I took care of regular housework I have no interest to start decluttering. I just want to sit on the couch and scroll imamother Smile

Heyaaa

Sun, May 29 2022, 8:38 am

So it seems the real problem is that this website is addictive. I have a challenge for you. Go right now and get rid of 2 shopping bags worth of stuff.

amother

Navyblue

Sun, May 29 2022, 9:07 am

Take a garbage bag and fill it up. Every day do one. Don't give away, that is too overwhelming. Just drop it off at the donation box at the gas station daily.

amother

Pewter

Sun, May 29 2022, 3:51 pm

amother [ Navyblue ] wrote:

Take a garbage bag and fill it up. Every day do one. Don't give away, that is too overwhelming. Just drop it off at the donation box at the gas station daily.

Not everyone has a handy donation dropoff location. For people with a real problem and no handy dropoff, I'd say either hold a giveaway (Put stuff on your sidewalk or lawn with a sign "Free Stuff") or put it in the trash. Just as pikuach nefesh docheh shabbat, sometimes decluttering is borderline pikuach nefesh and throwing things out takes priority if you have no avenue for giving things away. And the truth is that genuine hoarders seldom have good judgment about these things and consider things useful that nobody would want, so they may as well just throw everything out.

amother

Rose

Sun, May 29 2022, 5:30 pm

I have struggled with this my whole life and never understood why. Then when I was in my forties I was diagnosed with ADD (what is known as ADHD inattentive type). I think if you look into this yourself you may be able to find some new tools to help you with this struggle. Hugs and hatzlacha!!

amother

Navyblue

Sun, May 29 2022, 5:33 pm

amother [ Pewter ] wrote:

There's are non-Jewish drop off boxes at gas stations. I used to not drop off there because it felt like a waste. But when things got out of hand at home, I realized what I was wasting was the space in my home and the menuchas hanefesh of my home and closets. So I close my eyes and just drop it off and remind myself I'm important too.

BrisketBoss

Sun, May 29 2022, 5:33 pm

amother [ Rose ] wrote:

This is where I'm at right now. I'm a young adult and only started having these kinds of issues in puberty, got really bad in college...I've started learning some tools.

amother

Cobalt

Sun, May 29 2022, 6:29 pm

I also have a hard time with this. What helps me get started is giving myself a really small job. Like clear 5 items from the table. Or 5 items from the floor.
I can commit myself to this goal, since it takes under a minute. Once I start, I'm often motivated to continue. I count another 5 items and then again.
I also very often switch off from one area to another every 5 or 10 minutes so it doesn't get monotonous.
I probably have inattentive adhd but I really cope well like this and my home is actually very organized and clean.

amother

Moccasin

Sun, May 29 2022, 6:42 pm

I have adhd and it's exactly this. I know what needs to be done, but can't do it. Plus logistics can get overwhelming. Like arranging pick up or drop off for donations, properly handling disposal if it's being thrown out, etc. It definitely paralyzes me.

amother

Sun, May 29 2022, 6:49 pm

ADD and ADHD runs in my family but I always thought I was spared 😂
I wonder if that could be the cause.
Would love some more helpful tips if this is the situation.
I will try
1. Music
2. Give myself super small goals - usually once I start I do get in the mood

BrisketBoss

Sun, May 29 2022, 6:57 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Yes this is so me, other people got those diagnoses but not me because I seemed very functional as a kid.

AlwaysGrateful shared links to the YouTube channel How to ADHD which I am already finding very helpful!

zigi

Sun, May 29 2022, 7:17 pm

Kojo sarfo and born unicorn on face book and Sarah mcglory on Instagram help with adhd tips how to struggle care how to reset up your house and deal with tasks like breaking them down when you are low energy. There is Also a lot of adhd help on tiktock too.

amother

Bellflower

Sun, May 29 2022, 7:31 pm

A couple of weeks ago I made myself a goal to do 10 minutes daily. So far every day I'm either too tired, too many time-sensitive things come up, or just not feeling well.

I'm thinking of an ADD coach...