Do you have a favorite child

amother

Fri, Jun 03 2022, 11:16 am

Growing up we used to always ask my mom who her favorite child was and she’d always say she loves us all the same…

I’m a young mom with 2 little kids (toddler and baby) and I’m so curious about this. Love is a feeling, and feelings change, and they’re also affected by different things. I believe your love for a person can change, so it’s not always the same. And I do think you can love one child more than another or have a favorite…

Do you agree? Disagree? Why or why not?
And do you have a favorite child? Or do you love one child more than the others?

Chayalle

Fri, Jun 03 2022, 11:23 am

Gosh no.

I love each of my kids for their own special selves. That is, not the same, and none more than the other. I love my oldest, so responsible and giving. I love my next one, so easygoing and caring. I love my youngest, so creative and fun. They each have their own core strengths, and I love them for being the unique individuals they are.

At any given time, all I need to do is think about each one's special and unique Maalos, and I love them.

amother

Ginger

Fri, Jun 03 2022, 11:24 am

I have 3 kids. They're funny - they each insist they're my favorite. I'm glad I make each of them feel that way but honestly I don't have a favorite. I genuinely feel I love them equally and find qualities I really love in each child. I do have one child who I... connect to more? Not sure how else to put it. She is very like me - from looks to personality and temperament and interests. Even so, I can't say I love her more than her siblings, even the one who really challenges me, or that she's my favorite. I've just never felt that.

Chayalle

Fri, Jun 03 2022, 11:24 am

amother [ Lawngreen ] wrote:

This might sound like a cop out answer, but it's true- each of my kids is my favorite in his or her own way.

So not a cop out. Exactly this. Well said!

amother

Tiffanyblue

Fri, Jun 03 2022, 11:25 am

I love all my kids the same.

That being said I find it easier to spend time with some kids than others. I find it easier to cuddle with one kid than the others. I find it more enjoyable to take one teen shopping over the others.

According to mine and their personalities, some of my kids are easier for me to be with and some I need to put in more work.

But that doesn't really define my love for them. I love them, care for them, am proud of their success, think about them, hope and daven for them all the same!

amother

Wheat

Fri, Jun 03 2022, 11:28 am

Sometimes It’s easier to love one child over the other.

And sometimes you need to work hard to love a specific child.

(Often a child who takes after you with your negative traits, might also make it harder to love)

ETA - the end result of a child who requires more effort on your part, usually brings out an extra dose of deep love. Something that happens because you gave so so much of yourself.

honeymoon

Fri, Jun 03 2022, 11:31 am

I love all my kids to the moon and back. I don't love any of them more than the other but I do love them differently. My kids are each very different from each other, and the way they give and receive love varies, so while they all get 100% of my love, it will take different forms with each of them.

justforfun87

Fri, Jun 03 2022, 11:45 am

I don't have a favorite child because they are all my little jewels but I really really appreciate that my son helps me whenever I ask and is just very easy natured unlike the girls who fall into a meltdown if I ask them to throw away a wrapper.

amother

Seashell

Fri, Jun 03 2022, 11:48 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

My children are similar in nature but I don't think that I or most people would equally love a child who is very difficult to deal with, socially off and with a total different personality than themselves as much as they would love their next child who is a pure nachas machine, very charismatic and blends wonderfully with their own personality .

honeymoon

Fri, Jun 03 2022, 11:57 am

amother [ Seashell ] wrote:

Often, it's the child with the most similar personality to you who will trigger you the most.

zaq

Fri, Jun 03 2022, 12:01 pm

I think parents who claim to love all their kids exactly the same are full of air. JMHO. Having a favorite child, or a least favorite child for that matter, is normal. Some kids are more lovable than others: they may be more sunny-natured, more obedient, more respectful or more affectionate. One child may remind you more of yourself or of a beloved grandparent. What's not all right is acting upon your favoritism. Yaakov's clear favoring of Yoseph over his other sons had disastrous consequences.

amother

Maize

Fri, Jun 03 2022, 12:01 pm

honeymoon wrote:

Often, it's the child with the most similar personality to you who will trigger you the most.

That’s interesting. I find myself most triggered when my 7 year old shows the quality she got From my husband (hyper sensitivity) not the stubbornness she got from me. It drives me crazy that every little thing sets her off and I wonder how she’ll manage in this world as she grows up. (Yes to an extent I worry about the same regarding my husband)

Rubies

Fri, Jun 03 2022, 12:21 pm

zaq wrote:

I don't agree with your first statement because the experience probably also varies. Some people don't have that one child that reminds you of an in-law you hate - they may love their in-laws.
A family of 12 with overlapping traits, some more dominant in some kids, will be different than a family of 2 with overlapping traits.

amother

Peach

Fri, Jun 03 2022, 12:35 pm

amother [ Seashell ] wrote:

I don't understand this at all.
I love my children unconditionally.
Not related to their behavior in any way.

amother

Lightgreen

Fri, Jun 03 2022, 12:45 pm

Its funny. My siblings all think I am my mothers favorite. That might be because I don't have a job and can help her. I also understand her better than they do. Always have. Now that I am married to and am raising adhd people, I understand her even more. Now in my family. My kids all have their strengths. And weaknesses. There is no perfect child. Some days are worse than others.

amother

Floralwhite

Fri, Jun 03 2022, 12:55 pm

I want to say I love each child equally, but if I think into it, I do have a soft spot for my dd (I have an only dd and a whole bunch of boys) aside from that I honestly think I love all my kids the same. They each have things that I really love about each of them.

amother

Stonewash

Fri, Jun 03 2022, 12:59 pm

I used to actually love one child more because this child was in my life a lot longer. I know that may sound funny. We had gone through a lot together. Now I would say that they both have an equal place in my heart, however, at times I do feel more loving or happier in one or another's company.