Do you have a favorite child

amother

Oldlace

Fri, Jun 03 2022, 1:06 pm

The one who spilled their drink is my least favorite in that moment.

Jokes aside, no. It sounds so cliche but I really love each one for what they are.

amother

NeonBlue

Fri, Jun 03 2022, 1:09 pm

amother [ Stonewash ] wrote:

I used to actually love one child more because this child was in my life a lot longer. I know that may sound funny. We had gone through a lot together. Now I would say that they both have an equal place in my heart, however, at times I do feel more loving or happier in one or another's company.

makes a lot of sense. I only have 2 kids; a 3.5 year old and a baby; yes I definitely loved my toddler more than my baby when she was born, she's my darling and I spent way more time with her and know her better and have a relatiobship with her and definitely love her more than a tiny shreiking new baby.

Now that my baby is 14m and starting to have a personality of her own, and smiles and talks and we have a relationship, I love them both.

amother

Fri, Jun 03 2022, 1:56 pm

This is super interesting to read! So my mom wasn’t lying all those years lol

Maybe we can start a S/O, but wondering now if ppl in happy marriages feel more love for their husband or their children?

I really believe the more you give to someone the more you’ll love them. As some posters mentioned, the harder kids are often ones you’ll love slightly more because you’ve invested more of yourself in them.

So if the claim is having spent more time, going through more, or giving more of yourself to someone, then it would be a logical conclusion to assume love for DH is stronger… but I have a feeling that won’t be the case.

amother

Gray

Fri, Jun 03 2022, 2:45 pm

you give more to your kids.

about who I love more- it's a running joke that when my children complain that something isn't fair my dh and I will say, it's because I/we love your sister more then you and they are always like no, really? so thankfully they are all able to realize that we don't actually have a favorite.

amother

Lightcoral

Fri, Jun 03 2022, 2:56 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I can't say that I love my kids more than I love DH. Maybe it's equal? They're all a part of me and I love them all!

amother

Brown

Fri, Jun 03 2022, 3:13 pm

I find one of mine a lot easier to love than the other. This is my truth, and it’s instinctive. It’s also my own issue to work through. I act the same loving to both of them, and go out of my way to be extra loving to the one that is harder to love.

amother

cornflower

Fri, Jun 03 2022, 3:26 pm

I wouldn't say I love all my kids the same, I love them all differently, but they're each my most favorite in some way. I can't even explain it really. Some of my kids are harder and some easier but I love them all so differently and so fiercely.

honeymoon

Fri, Jun 03 2022, 3:39 pm

amother [ Maize ] wrote:

That’s interesting. I find myself most triggered when my 7 year old shows the quality she got From my husband (hyper sensitivity) not the stubbornness she got from me. It drives me crazy that every little thing sets her off and I wonder how she’ll manage in this world as she grows up. (Yes to an extent I worry about the same regarding my husband)

That also makes sense. Everyone's experience will vary according to many factors. If you see a character trait in a child that is very much like yours, and you have negative experiences associated with that particular character trait, that can be very triggering. It's often subconscious but very much there.

It's complex, but really interesting if we delve into the why's of our seemingly inconsequential actions and emotions.

amother

Hyssop

Fri, Jun 03 2022, 3:56 pm

I've found I do have a favorite child, but I don't love any child more than the other. It's not rational. It's just feeling this extra little kesher. Maybe it's because I relate a bit more to that child.

I think for my favorite child, I feel a little more rachamim automatically for them as I parent.

BH My relationships with all my kids are good and unique and I do guard myself from inadvertently showing "favoritism".

amother

Oleander

Fri, Jun 03 2022, 6:03 pm

I love all my kids equally. I have two daughters who are very different and each can be challenging, but that doesn't interfere with how much I love them.

amother

Bluebonnet

Fri, Jun 03 2022, 6:10 pm

Yes.
She's just cuter and more entertaining than the others. And easier.
My kids all know. It's not a secret. If they want to they can also be cuter and more interesting and easy and then they'll be my favorite. Obviously they aren't interested so Noone will need therapy.

amother

Mintcream

Fri, Jun 03 2022, 6:17 pm

I love all my kids,but when I look at my daughter who looks exactly like me,smiles like me my heart always skips a beat! I'm not even sure why...I just feel like she reminds my of myself as a kid and I bh didn't go through trauma...I kind of connect to my inner child when I look into her eyes!

Rubies

Fri, Jun 03 2022, 6:21 pm

amother [ Bluebonnet ] wrote:

Whoa

behappy2

Fri, Jun 03 2022, 6:44 pm

amother [ Bluebonnet ] wrote:

Your kids know that you love her more because she is cuter and easier? Kids don't choose to be cuter or easier. This can feel very hurtful to your children even if they don't show it.

amother

Ginger

Fri, Jun 03 2022, 7:09 pm

amother [ Bluebonnet ] wrote:

You're kidding yourself.

amother

Buttercup

Fri, Jun 03 2022, 7:17 pm

I sincerely hope bluebonnet is kidding…

I love all of my children deeply. Their behavior doesn’t affect that in the slightest. There are definitely moments when I also like being around them more or less 😂. Even in those moments I make sure to let them know that the love doesn’t change.

amother

Sunflower

Sun, Jun 05 2022, 4:24 pm

My mother has always favored the boys over the girls. She claims she would be more than happy to add another girl to the family but we know the thruth.

Also, she was told by my sister's therapist that she should say to this sister that she is her favorite child. But then she tells me about it and makes faces, like, hilarious...

This child is anxious and has no confidance because my mother practically ignored her during her formative years whilst openly favoring another child.

Now, my mother is not a cruel person, just lacking in emotional capacity.

I'm not sure about all the previous posts saying you love your children equally.
It's hard to admit that you have a favorite but as long as you don't act on it, it's ok.

amother

Rainbow

Sun, Jun 05 2022, 6:26 pm

I do. I’m intentional in expressing my love to each of them, but it’s the most natural with my youngest.

In my defense, I grew up in an abusive home and was never hugged or told “I love you.” I don’t love my parents and feelings of love were new to me. Also, I knew my youngest would be my last and there was an age gap before her so I had more time and patience from the beginning.

I’m careful not to show it and hope they never know.

amother

Opal

Mon, Jun 06 2022, 5:49 am

Some of my kids trigger me more at different periods but can I say that my heart feels less attached to any of my children? Can I honestly say that my love for one child is more than for another? Sometimes my heart feels more closed to a child so then I spend more time dedicated to bonding more with that child.

Feeling more distant is not an irredeemable fact. It is a sign that something needs to change in the parent’s actions and mindset. Every child deserves to be loved equally from their parents and there are ways to increase love for another when the default is insufficient.

My daughter told us on shavuot that Avraham loved both his sons but he loved Yitzchak more. I wanted to say that instead of accepting that that’s how it had to be, if he had worked on himself to love yishmael more then maybe the Arabs wouldn’t want to kill us. Obviously its what Hashem wanted to happen because Hashem wanted this reality to be in 2022 but I do wonder if things would be different.