I want to keep hosting for simchas, but…

Bnei Berak 10

Tue, Jun 07 2022, 9:27 am

amother [ Floralwhite ] wrote:

I think the best solution for everyone would be to stop hosting or to tell the baalei simcha that you can't host children
I know that when we go away for a family simcha with our kids (which we try to avoid as much as possible) it is so so stressful for us. Our children are in a strange home, strange beds, sometimes jet-lagged, and almost always off schedule.
If I got to a home and the host said please don't let you children out of the room until 9am or here is a whole playroom but only play with this small basket of toys - I'd probably sit down right there and start crying.
No, I don't feel entitled, but I expect to be put up somewhere where the family hosting me and my children realizes that these are children and they may not be angels Surprised

. And if it doesn't work for you, then by all means explain that to the baal simcha beforehand.

As a parent you need to make sure to bring toys with you. You may end up in a place where there are no toys at all.
As a parent you are expected to teach your kids that not every toy they see is something to be played with *because it doesn't belong to us*. We are guests now and this is not our house. The basket basket in the bedroom (small or large) with toys is OK to play with.

amother

Green

Tue, Jun 07 2022, 9:33 am

Simple1 wrote:

In such a setup most guests would assume they can use the playroom.

100%, and that’s what it sounds like OP has- there is a private entrance, but it’s bit a completely separate part of the house.

amother

Outerspace

Tue, Jun 07 2022, 9:37 am

Some people sound entitled. When I am sent to sleep at a neighbor I assume we are there for beds and that’s all. As annoying as it is as soon as the kids wake up we go over to the host’s house. In most cases it’s expected that you hang out in the host’s house for most of shabbos. I’ve had to walk through playrooms and I always told my kids they can’t touch anything. When I travel with very young children I bring toys along for the time they are stuck in the bedroom.

amother

Green

Tue, Jun 07 2022, 9:38 am

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

If you got to a hotel you probably do have to keep your kids in your room, right? (Unless you take two rooms with a connecting door or a suite)
So what's the difference?

There are different expectations when you go to a house vs. when you go to a hotel. And in a hotel you don’t need to keep your kids quiet until 10:00 in the morning. There is a place where you and/or they can go if they wake up so they don’t bother anyone. Some of my kids are not staying in a hotel room beyond 7:00 or 7:30. I hate getting up with them, but that’s my job as their mom. I take them to the lobby so they don’t wake everyone else up. Even if we get to rooms. What are parents supposed to do in a house if the kids wake up earlier than 10:00, and they aren’t allowed to spend time outside of the bedroom?

amother

Vermilion

Tue, Jun 07 2022, 9:39 am

amother [ Outerspace ] wrote:

Totally this if I hang out in the simcha hall where the kids have space.

amother

Green

Tue, Jun 07 2022, 9:40 am

amother [ Salmon ] wrote:

In a hotel they can run around the lobby and run in the halls. They replace the furniture frequently so if the climb on it it doesn’t really make a difference. My kids are not your business and I payed to stay in hotel. I do not need to keep them quiet if it is in inconvenient to me.

Hotels are not a free for all. It is inconsiderate to the other guests to allow your child(ten) to run in the halls or to make a lot of noise. It is inconsiderate to the hotel to allow your kids to climb on the furniture. Paying to stay doesn’t me you have free range. You still need to be a mensch. Your kids are my business if they are disturbing me. You need to keep them appropriately behaving.

amother

Vermilion

Tue, Jun 07 2022, 9:41 am

amother [ Outerspace ] wrote:

Bring your own stuff to entertain them. Or get dressed and go in a walk to the shul.

Bnei Berak 10

Tue, Jun 07 2022, 9:41 am

amother [ Salmon ] wrote:

With your attitude there's no wonder why a number of hotels and restaurants have a "no children" policy.
I do hope we never meet IRL.

amother

Green

Tue, Jun 07 2022, 9:42 am

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

When I go out of town for a wedding, I’m not packing toys into my suitcase or car.

amother

Hosta

Tue, Jun 07 2022, 9:45 am

amother [ Green ] wrote:

When I go out of town for a wedding, I’m not packing toys into my suitcase or car.

We do. We buy cheap junky toys and balls that can be thrown away at the end of our trip and we always bring our magnatiles

amother

Green

Tue, Jun 07 2022, 9:45 am

amother [ Outerspace ] wrote:

As the hostess of a Simcha, I would NOT appreciate a guest coming over to my house with their kids at 7:00 am.
This whole conversation is so foreign to me though, because I’ve never encountered such a situation. When I host, I tell my guests where everything is, including the playroom. They are welcome to play as long as they clean up. My kids know that if they have something they don’t want other people touching, it needs to be in their room.
We have a sound machine in our room, so it drowns out most of the noise. (OP, maybe that’s also part of the solution, so you and your kids don’t wake up.)

amother

Outerspace

Tue, Jun 07 2022, 9:47 am

amother [ Green ] wrote:

When I go out of town for a wedding, I’m not packing toys into my suitcase or car.

That’s really entitled. And you don’t have to pack much there isn’t that much play time. You can bring a small bag with a few things.

amother

Springgreen

Tue, Jun 07 2022, 9:48 am

amother [ Green ] wrote:

Like you said, you're their mom. Bring toys for them, or get up, get dressed, and take them for a walk outside, or a walk to shul. Or maybe even take them to the backyard, if that's okay with your host. Take them to visit the baalei simcha and eat breakfast there. If you weren't told you can stay for breakfast you shouldn't be eating breakfast at your hosts' home anyways.

amother

Orange

Tue, Jun 07 2022, 9:48 am

Wow I assumed op’s guests just didn’t realize they were disturbing their hosts. But it seems like many would be guests think they’re entitled to op’s space and toys. Personally I’m grateful for comfortable beds that don’t smell like mold (I had that one time and it was awful). If they’re comfortable rooms I can deal with bringing toys along and keeping the kids in the bedrooms. No one said traveling for a simcha is convenient.

amother

Green

Tue, Jun 07 2022, 9:48 am

amother [ Hosta ] wrote:

We do. We buy cheap junky toys and balls that can be thrown away at the end of our trip and we always bring our magnatiles

Good for you. I have enough other things to pack. I have a hard enough time making sure we have space in our suitcases (and car, if we are driving) for everything we need. There not usually space for something else, and I’m sorry but I’m not paying for another suitcase so my kids can have toys. I will figure out the situation when I get where I’m going.

amother

Outerspace

Tue, Jun 07 2022, 9:49 am

amother [ Green ] wrote:

If you are hosting out of town guests they belong in your house over a random neighbor who is doing you a favor. If they slept at your house you would have to deal with them being up. Your neighbor is doing you a huge favor you shouldn’t expect them to disturb the neighbors in the morning,

clowny

Tue, Jun 07 2022, 9:49 am

Op, I didn’t read through the entire thread but I too have a guest suite that is occupied almost every shabbos for simchas. It is for adults only. (And infant) There are over 10 other guest suites in my neighborhood. None of them allow children to stay there. In fact, in my community there hundreds of guest suites and most (if not all) are for adults only.
So, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you saying that at this point in your life you’d love to host guest without any children.

Chayalle

Tue, Jun 07 2022, 9:49 am

I would never assume I can open a closet in someone else's playroom and take toys out. That's something I can't understand.

I've been hosted many times and have never thought the playroom was for my kids' use unless we were specifically invited to do so. (we did have times where we were hosted and my kids hit it off with and played with hostess's children.)

amother

Outerspace

Tue, Jun 07 2022, 9:49 am

amother [ Green ] wrote:

Sounds like you should just stay home in that case

amother

Green

Tue, Jun 07 2022, 9:50 am

amother [ Outerspace ] wrote:

That’s really entitled. And you don’t have to pack much there isn’t that much play time. You can bring a small bag with a few things.

In this case I don’t mind being called entitled.