Did your life turn out the way you thought it would?

amother

Tue, Jun 07 2022, 6:52 pm

It’s interesting. When we are younger, we often think we know what life will be like. Then one day we turn around and we are living a totally different life than we imagined!

In what way is your life different than you expected?

I’ll go first. I thought I would marry a cool, outgoing guy. I knew what I wanted him to look like from his hair till his shoes. We were going to have this huge open kiruv house and tons of guests. I would also make tons of shidduchim and teach.

Fast forward a bunch of years and I married a nice Kollel guy who isn’t like that at ALL and has no interest in any of that. I work in business, and we live a quiet, private life. I still haven’t made a shidduch (though I’ve tried).

amother

Opal

Tue, Jun 07 2022, 6:55 pm

Not at all! I thought I would marry someone very in the box and live in Lakewood like everyone else I knew. I married a foreigner from a totally different culture and we live oot.

On second thought, I imagined that I would have the cutest kids in the world and that part did work out LOL

amother

Aster

Tue, Jun 07 2022, 7:02 pm

I was going to be the best and most attentive mother and my kids would be happy and well adjusted.

I guess there's still time to see if it pans out 😂. (kids ages 5-12)

Also my husband and I would love each other all day long.

One divorce and difficult marriage later. Ha!Ha!

amother

Lemonlime

Tue, Jun 07 2022, 7:03 pm

I thought I would marry someone nerdy and super yeshivish and live in near poverty and be happy with my lot. I married a cool guy who started a business and loves to pamper me with expensive gifts. I'm the nerdy one in the relationship. (We were actually poor for a long time when he was in kollel). I'm still happy with my lot.

amother

Khaki

Tue, Jun 07 2022, 7:05 pm

I thought I’d have between 6 to 8 kids with a max 3 year age gap between kids. Currently dealing with secondary infertility after my first two kids who are now 5 and 7 years old 😕

amother

Pansy

Tue, Jun 07 2022, 7:10 pm

We were going to live in Israel. My husband was going to be a brilliant Talmud Chacham and we were going to have the most amazing intellectual discussions. We were going to do kiruv and have lots of guests.
But there was a part of me that also wanted to just marry an outgoing, wholesome guy who loves doing chessed - and that pretty much describes my husband.
I am still pushing for a move to Israel... maybe one day.
Oh, and my brain is slowly atrophying.

amother

Lightpink

Tue, Jun 07 2022, 7:32 pm

I thought I would marry a tall, dark and handsome guy. Be a kollel wife for 5-7 years. Have many kids, each 2 years apart. Work full time and eventually switch to part time. Dh would tutor and work on the side to bring in extra income.

I married a short, blonde and handsome guy. I was kollel wife for 2 years. I was a wife of a husband with debilitating mental illness for 3 years. I am now the wife of a husband with mental illness who manages quite well and now works. I have a 6 year break between my 2 children. I still work full time. Dh hopes to make enough for me to stop working in the next few years. It has been an upward trajectory in our lives in general. Iyh it should continue that way!

amother

Black

Tue, Jun 07 2022, 7:33 pm

amother [ Lightpink ] wrote:

love it. To what can you attribute the turn-aroun?

amother

Turquoise

Tue, Jun 07 2022, 7:35 pm

This is such an interesting thread. It's good to know I'm not the only one who's life didn't turn out as I thought it would!

amother

Lightpink

Tue, Jun 07 2022, 7:44 pm

amother [ Black ] wrote:

love it. To what can you attribute the turn-aroun?

Intensive, long term therapy- for me, for him, for both of us. Hard, HARD work. Devotion and loyalty. Medication. A good psychiatrist.

amother

Tangerine

Tue, Jun 07 2022, 7:58 pm

I don't feel like my life is such a surprise.

But to be honest, I don't think I thought through all these details. I wanted to marry a "long-term learner" and I did (10 years in kollel). I wanted to have a houseful of beautiful children, and BH I do Smile

Other than that I hadn't really planned it out.

amother

Oak

Tue, Jun 07 2022, 8:02 pm

Am I the only one who didn't have her whole life worked out before?
I mean, all those details that everyone thought when they were younger - how could they possibly have turned out the way you thought? Are we neviim?
My life is generally the way I thought it would be, but I only thought in general terms, so I guess I gave my life an easier chance!

ETA I see tangerine is on the same page as me!

amother

Arcticblue

Tue, Jun 07 2022, 8:16 pm

I have no plans.
My only plan was not to get married young and have kids right away or at all.
I got married at 20 and had 3 kids under 4 which I was super proud of. Ha

amother

Yolk

Tue, Jun 07 2022, 8:26 pm

It never occurred to me that my marriage would be anything but harmonious bliss. 20 years later and I never imagined how much pain you can have from the man you thought would be your everything. My house full of beautiful boys and girls doesn’t look like it will happen either . Bh for my sweet children that I do have . All of one gender . Of course not the gender that I preferred. I did always imagine myself quite wealthy. Not quite at this time, but bh rather comfortable. It is what it is. Every day I dry my tears , put one foot in front of the other and try again .

Zehava

Tue, Jun 07 2022, 8:27 pm

I didn’t think my life would “turn out” at all. I thought that was the end of me. All I wanted was out. Apparently god had other plans.

amother

Valerian

Tue, Jun 07 2022, 8:31 pm

My life did not turn out at all how I envisioned.
And I am resentful every day.
I am upset at myself for just accepting this life and not fighting for the life I dreamed of and deep down still want.

Sorry if I caused this thread to take a sour twist

imamommy613

Tue, Jun 07 2022, 8:39 pm

Wow love this!!
Not only didn’t it turn out how I thought it would, it actually turned out the opposite of what I’ve dreamed of. Grieving the life I thought I’d have, and learning everyday to accept this life.
Any advice on how to accept?!
Please don’t say trust hashems plans blah blah….