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DD11 is embarrassed of her body

 
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amother




OP
 

Post Sun, Jul 03 2022, 4:38 pm
My gorgeous skinny 11 year old has tiny tiny breast buds she feels so insecure. She always wants to go with a coat and keeps going with folded arms. I've told her so many times how gorgeous and good she looks but it's not helping what else can I do??
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amother




Melon
 

Post Sun, Jul 03 2022, 4:40 pm
Get her a sports bra for more coverage.
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amother




OP
 

Post Sun, Jul 03 2022, 4:42 pm
But it's not even showing through her t shirt it's so tiny!
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English3




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Jul 03 2022, 4:44 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
But it's not even showing through her t shirt it's so tiny!

She will feel she has something to protect her. Make her feel mature that she has a bra.
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amother




Sage
 

Post Sun, Jul 03 2022, 4:45 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
But it's not even showing through her t shirt it's so tiny!


Aww.
I can relate, I have a 10 yo who is also just starting to grow.

Maybe a crop top vest , just so she can feel better about herself even though its not really doing anything about it.
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amother




OP
 

Post Sun, Jul 03 2022, 4:46 pm
English3 wrote:
She will feel she has something to protect her. Make her feel mature that she has a bra.


You think so? I guess it doesn't hurt to try. Thanks so much
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BrisketBoss




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Jul 03 2022, 4:46 pm
Why not just validate? A lot of times people want to be heard. Body changes can be rough. Teens don't feel like themselves.
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amother




NeonPurple
 

Post Sun, Jul 03 2022, 4:46 pm
English3 wrote:
She will feel she has something to protect her. Make her feel mature that she has a bra.


Definitely do this. She’ll look flat and feel like she has coverage.
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amother




Aquamarine
 

Post Sun, Jul 03 2022, 4:48 pm
This is so normal.
The guidance counselor at the very MO school I work at (co-ed, most kids aren't shomer shabbos) recently noted to me,that the middle school girls all wear heavy sweatshirts over their uniform polo shirt, even in 90+ degree heat because they are self conscious of their bodies--and we're in FL where you need a sweatshirt maybe 3 days in January at most! And it was true! Only the girls, not the boys.
It's a normal stage, and it will pass. Give it a year or two, don't embarrass her by making it into a big deal.
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amother




Almond
 

Post Sun, Jul 03 2022, 4:49 pm
Does she think gorgeous= skinny and is navigating not being “skinny” in her mind?
Good luck it’s a transition
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English3




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Jul 03 2022, 4:49 pm
BrisketBoss wrote:
Why not just validate? A lot of times people want to be heard. Body changes can be rough. Teens don't feel like themselves.

Kids don't always appreciate only validation they also want to see results physically. By giving her a bra, she will feel safe and know that its ok because she has something to make her look good.
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amother




Sage
 

Post Sun, Jul 03 2022, 5:07 pm
Dont want to derail the thread, just quick question,

Is it normal for girls while they are growimg there, to have pain there?
Esp at night.
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amother




Melon
 

Post Sun, Jul 03 2022, 5:09 pm
amother [ Sage ] wrote:
Dont want to derail the thread, just quick question,

Is it normal for girls while they are growimg there, to have pain there?
Esp at night.


Yes
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amother




Wallflower
 

Post Sun, Jul 03 2022, 5:40 pm
Validate her feelings while still emphasizing that there's nothing wrong with her body or looks. It's a big change, and being in an unfamiliar body can feel disconcerting or scary.
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ra_mom




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Jul 03 2022, 7:46 pm
Validate. Tell her that change is so hard. To be happening to one's own body takes a while to get used to. How you remember how uncomfortable you felt when your body started changing. Sit with that for a few minutes.
Then go in front of the mirror with her and tell her and show her how beautiful she is. Beautiful eyes, nose, lips, body. Let her see what you see.
Tell her that a growing chest is beautiful. Explain that yours isn't hidden, just that the mammilla are kept private. But you know she's uncomfortable now and that it makes sense to feel that way.
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salt




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Jul 05 2022, 2:26 am
amother [ Melon ] wrote:
Get her a sports bra for more coverage.


Even just a sleeveless undershirt might be enough - just to add an extra thin layer under her teeshirt.
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amother




NeonPink
 

Post Tue, Jul 05 2022, 6:44 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
My gorgeous skinny 11 year old has tiny tiny breast buds she feels so insecure. She always wants to go with a coat and keeps going with folded arms. I've told her so many times how gorgeous and good she looks but it's not helping what else can I do??


Validate her
You sound like my mother & I HATED what she always said to me.
It’s very hard to see your body changing
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amother




Yolk
 

Post Tue, Jul 05 2022, 9:02 am
I got my daughter before she needed it. Like age 9.(she developed late actually)She felt so cool in those builtin shelf or whatever they are called undershirts. This way when she did need it there was no transition at all.
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amother




Wallflower
 

Post Tue, Jul 05 2022, 9:11 am
It is a tough balance. You want to make sure to validate her but not along the lines of "yeah, you're totally right, your body is embarrassing, you disgusting monster."
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amother




Peru
 

Post Wed, Sep 07 2022, 10:21 am
amother OP wrote:
But it's not even showing through her t shirt it's so tiny!


She probably notices the difference. She may also be noticing other signs of puberty and feeling self conscious.
If she's not ready for a bra, encourage her to wear an undershirt or camisole. It has helped my girls get ready for when they need a bra. Also, if she's more comfortable get her looser fitting shirts, blouses and sweaters.
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