Youngest you would leave a baby?

mommy3b2c

Fri, Jul 08 2022, 10:41 am

I left my oldest for three days when he was just 1 years old. I had stopped nursing him a month before. I don’t think I did anything terrible, but I don’t see myself doing that with future children. And I’ve only left my six year old once or twice and not till he was four years old.

imaima

Fri, Jul 08 2022, 10:55 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Understood.
Thank you.

From what age, though?

(Off topic, but my older child is more sensitive, fragile, anxious, does not have secure attachment, which is why this is important to me)

How old is the child though?
As anxious as they are you cannot stay tied down forever. If I leave child older than 2-3 y.o. with a familiar caregiver, in our home, the routine stays the same, I talk about me/us leaving before and after the trip, then it’s good enough for me.

m-u-a-mama

Fri, Jul 08 2022, 11:51 am

OMG I must be the worst Mommy on this forum {}
Left my baby at my parents at 6.5 weeks for a night away with my husband. She was bottlefed from birth, I had a horrific pregnancy, she was a colicky baby. I need a break. We went to a hotel not far from my parents for the night. Best thing I ever did for myself, came back refreshed and feeling half human.

amother

Cinnamon

Fri, Jul 08 2022, 12:31 pm

I usually nurse my babies. So my personal answer is that I would not leave a nursing baby or child- no matter the age. Maybe not obvious, but I am only answering for my personal preferences here. Currently my 4 and 6 year olds have never been left alone.

amother

Snow

Fri, Jul 08 2022, 12:49 pm

amother [ Royalblue ] wrote:

It’s funny because my parents left me for 2 weeks with a friend of theirs when I was about 8 and I have horrible memories from that time. I would think a child under 2 would have an easier time being left by grandparents or other close relatives then with random people. I would leave my young children with their grandparents and my kids are thrilled. Not too long though- not more then 3/4 days.

This is what I’ve been thinking too. I have a 15 month old and my husband and I will probably leave him with my husbands parents for 2 nights/3 days later this month so we can attend my husband’s company retreat. I’m sure I will miss him but he is very happy with his grandparents and he’s a pretty easy going boy. I’d rather do it now because once I have more kids and/or they’re older and would have more awareness, I’d be less likely to do a parents only trip. But I’m feeling kinda guilty now after reading these comments 😬. We did leave him with his grandparents for one night and one day when he was 8 months and that went totally fine bH.

amother

Tiffanyblue

Fri, Jul 08 2022, 2:09 pm

tichellady wrote:

I don’t think anyone really knows. You have to balance the benefit for you and your marriage etc and also do what feels ok for your family. I don’t think there’s a clear right answer here. Also kids are resilient.

I literally despise this statement. This is something parents say to make them feel less guilty when putting children through certain situations that might effect them. Kids aren't as resilient as we think they are. (And they're not supposed to be.) People just love to say this statement.

amother

Tiffanyblue

Fri, Jul 08 2022, 2:12 pm

amother [ Royalblue ] wrote:

Just because an 8 year old can express themselves and let parents know that they were miserable, it doesn't mean that baby wasn't miserable as well. They just can't express themselves or talk about their experiences.

amother

Bone

Fri, Jul 08 2022, 2:13 pm

gr82no wrote:

Everyone who is saying not younger than 18m what do u do next time you give birth? Or you make sure not to have them too close to each other?

I never had that small a gap, so yes.

amother

Melon

Fri, Jul 08 2022, 3:34 pm

Close to 2 I would leave them with my DH for 3-4 days. At 3 I would leave them with someone they know, my sister, my parents, etc. also for 4-5 days.

I never understand how couples go on vacations for 9-10 days leaving kids behind. My oldest is already 14 and there wasn't any point in time where I felt that at that age he would be totally fine away from home for that long.

tichellady

Fri, Jul 08 2022, 5:43 pm

amother [ Tiffanyblue ] wrote:

I guess we can disagree on this one. All situations we put our kids through will effect them. Like having more than one kid, being frum, etc. I find this helpful but if you don’t, ignore it

amother

Tiffanyblue

Fri, Jul 08 2022, 6:02 pm

tichellady wrote:

I guess we can disagree on this one. All situations we put our kids through will effect them. Like having more than one kid, being frum, etc. I find this helpful but if you don’t, ignore it

Certain situations are healthy and help build resilience so children can grow up to be healthy, resilient adults. Mom having a baby, moving houses, being left behind at an appropriate age, switching schools when needed, going to camp.... are healthy ways to help our children build resilience. Leaving a baby behind that cannot yet understand what's going on, and saying that "kids are resilient", is just something that parents say to help them feel better. Babies are not supposed to be resilient. We need to build our children's resilience in an age appropriate manner.

amother

Sand

Fri, Jul 08 2022, 6:11 pm

I had to leave my baby at 3 weeks to have emergency surgery. It was something I never want to repeat again.

Age I would leave depends on the child. Some were perfectly fine with grandparents at 18 months and some not till 3-4 .

tichellady

Fri, Jul 08 2022, 8:26 pm

amother [ Tiffanyblue ] wrote:

I think there is no one authority on what is a healthy way to help our children build resilience and what type of breaks parents are entitled to. This is somewhat cultural and family specific.

amother

Firebrick

Sat, Jul 09 2022, 10:27 pm

tichellady wrote:

I think there is no one authority on what is a healthy way to help our children build resilience and what type of breaks parents are entitled to. This is somewhat cultural and family specific.

And child specific. I left my 16 month old for a week with my husband when I had another baby. My next had some medical things when he was born and has just been much much more clingy. Bh has a babysitter he loves but is completely aware of his routine (he’s a bit older than 16 months now). I would not leave with anyone other than my husband but even that would be really hard.

amother

Bluebell

Sat, Jul 09 2022, 10:34 pm

I forgot to mention that my newborns sleep in the nursery immediately upon birth. So the earliest I’ve left a baby was 2 hours. My second baby I left before I even held him (I was too sick following my cs)

amother

Tiffanyblue

Sun, Jul 10 2022, 12:21 am

tichellady wrote:

I think there is no one authority on what is a healthy way to help our children build resilience and what type of breaks parents are entitled to. This is somewhat cultural and family specific.

You're leaving the child out of the equation here, which just proves my point that saying "kids are resilient" just makes parents feel better and less guilty about leaving young children. Leaving a baby that cannot understand what's going on, because parents are "entitled" to a break, is not a healthy way to build resilience. (And it doesn't build resilience. They're just a baby that their parents suddenly disappeared and they have no idea what's going on.)

amother

Lawngreen

Sun, Jul 10 2022, 3:26 am

tichellady wrote:

I guess we can disagree on this one. All situations we put our kids through will effect them. Like having more than one kid, being frum, etc. I find this helpful but if you don’t, ignore it

Yes but there’s a difference between intentionally putting a child through a difficult situation in which there is no obvious direct benefit to the child as opposed to the ones you’re listing.
We might say a child is resilient in response.
But not ahead of time as a justification.

amother

Sage

Sun, Jul 10 2022, 6:24 am

Leave with a stranger - not by choice until age 8+ probably and even then with great reluctance.

Leave with a stranger but with older siblings - probably about 4-5 years old.

Leave with DH - as soon as I can leave them for that long (eating other food).

Leave with grandparents (or other relatives that they are comfortable with) alone - probably not until 4-5 years old or so.

Leave with grandparents together with siblings - as young as 2.

amother

Zinnia

Sun, Jul 10 2022, 6:35 am

I left my baby in NICU for 2 months as he was a preemie.

Apart from that, the youngest I ever left a child was at age 1, with DH and other siblings. I had to go abroad for an emergency.

I have left my kids with other relatives (grandparents) twice in 25 years of marriage, where youngest was ~3.

I have left my kids alone once for one night for a getaway, kids aged 11 - 20.

But if you ask me, I would imagine a young baby would 'care' less than an older baby or toddler.
They just sleep / eat, and it bothers them less who is caring for them.
A 2 year old would find it difficult, whereas a 2 month old will not notice.