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-> Parenting our children
-> Infants
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amother
OP
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 Sun, Aug 07 2022, 7:57 am
| amother [ Seafoam ] wrote: | | For tummy time, do it on your chest to gradually wean them to loving tummy time. Babies love lying on their moms chest and seeing your smiling face. |
Thank you. I’ve tried this, he hates it.
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amother
Seafoam
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Sun, Aug 07 2022, 7:58 am
| amother [ OP ] wrote: | My son cries at least every five minutes when he is on the floor, usually more often that that. Sometimes, I have to get something done like make supper. In that case, I let him cry for under five minutes just to quickly throw supper together, or I put him in his bouncer (which I hate doing but reserve it for when something must get done, like dinner). I literally do nothing else when I am home with him. I don’t clean, I don’t organize, I am just fully available to pick him up every five minutes and comfort him. My entire day is spent either playing with him or picking him up every five minutes, other than when he naps.
Do you still think I am neglecting him? |
Sounds like your a wonderful mom but try to respond right away if you can. There is nothing praiseworthy with waiting extra. You seem to think it’s best if he waits for you and I’m trying to explain that responding right away is in the best interest of your child. ( some times you won’t be able to, as in being in the bathroom etc; and that’s ok) But in general try to respond as soon as possible. This will help bring down the crying and leave you with a more emotionally healthy child one day.
When he cries, pick him up and try to figure out the issue? Is his diaper wet? Is he hungry etc;
You’re doing great and you’ve got this!
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amother
Bottlebrush
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Sun, Aug 07 2022, 7:58 am
| amother [ OP ] wrote: | | I always suspected GI issues because he was a colicky baby until around 3 months. However, we have tried eliminating milk and then corn from his diet with no results. He loves to eat and has no other signs of GI issues or allergies that I know of. How did you figure this out? |
She had a real reaction to eggs, so we did allergy testing and found a host of other allergies, and had to do an elimination diet to get the rest
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amother
Eggplant
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Sun, Aug 07 2022, 8:02 am
| amother [ Seafoam ] wrote: | Sounds like your a wonderful mom but try to respond right away if you can. There is nothing praiseworthy with waiting extra. You seem to think it’s best if he waits for you and I’m trying to explain that responding right away is in the best interest of your child. ( some times you won’t be able to, as in being in the bathroom etc; and that’s ok) But in general try to respond as soon as possible. This will help bring down the crying and leave you with a more emotionally healthy child one day.
When he cries, pick him up and try to figure out the issue? Is his diaper wet? Is he hungry etc;
You’re doing great and you’ve got this! |
She is responding as soon as possible!!! Cut out the judgment and guilt! She’s allowed to throw together dinner, even if the baby cries for afew moments. Stop with guilting other moms.
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amother
Seafoam
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Sun, Aug 07 2022, 8:02 am
| amother [ OP ] wrote: | | That’s interesting! I am a therapist in a school so I can reduce my summer hours. Financially, I don’t need to work at all in the summer, but I work part time just to give myself some structure. I wanted to be home with my son a little because he’s with the babysitter all year. I knew it would be hard but I felt like I’m his mom and this is really my job. |
You’re doing great, Op. that’s amazing that you can be home with your baby in the summer.
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amother
OP
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Sun, Aug 07 2022, 8:05 am
| amother [ Seafoam ] wrote: | Sounds like your a wonderful mom but try to respond right away if you can. There is nothing praiseworthy with waiting extra. You seem to think it’s best if he waits for you and I’m trying to explain that responding right away is in the best interest of your child. ( some times you won’t be able to, as in being in the bathroom etc; and that’s ok) But in general try to respond as soon as possible. This will help bring down the crying and leave you with a more emotionally healthy child one day.
When he cries, pick him up and try to figure out the issue? Is his diaper wet? Is he hungry etc;
You’re doing great and you’ve got this! |
I am not sure why I am still engaging with you. My son cries for no apparent reason. He’s dry, he’s full, he’s cared for. He seems to just dislike being put down. I always respond immediately unless I am making supper. I can do this because he is my only child. If I had other children, I highly doubt I’d be able to be so responsive.
I have tried to train him to be ok with being put down for longer because I feel like this is best for his GM development. If I hold him all day then he is not working his muscles very much. Therefore, sometimes I will come when he cries and sit with him and pat him and reassure him. It doesn’t work and then I pick him up.
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amother
OP
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Sun, Aug 07 2022, 8:08 am
| amother [ Firethorn ] wrote: | Oyoyoyoy OP.
You must NOT let yourself get triggered by anonymous posters on imamother. Not in this thread or any other thread. You do NOT need to answer to her or defend yourself to her. You don't need her validation that you're a good, non neglectful mother.
The MOST important thing you can do for your own and your child's future sanity is to develop your own critical thinking skills and judgment. Do I think I'm being neglectful and abusive? No? Then move on. If you're not sure, consult with an experienced person you trust. Not a random ima who very likely is imposing on you her own parenting fears and neuroses. |
Thank you for this, I should have read it before engaging.
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amother
Seafoam
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Sun, Aug 07 2022, 8:08 am
| amother [ OP ] wrote: | I am not sure why I am still engaging with you. My son cries for no apparent reason. He’s dry, he’s full, he’s cared for. He seems to just dislike being put down. I always respond immediately unless I am making supper. I can do this because he is my only child. If I had other children, I highly doubt I’d be able to be so responsive.
I have tried to train him to be ok with being put down for longer because I feel like this is best for his GM development. If I hold him all day then he is not working his muscles very much. Therefore, sometimes I will come when he cries and sit with him and pat him and reassure him. It doesn’t work and then I pick him up. |
Sounds like youre doing your best. You can pick him up and give a quick hug and then put him down again to work on gross motor skills. There are ways to hold a child that are considered tummy time as well.
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amother
OP
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Sun, Aug 07 2022, 8:11 am
| amother [ Bottlebrush ] wrote: | | She had a real reaction to eggs, so we did allergy testing and found a host of other allergies, and had to do an elimination diet to get the rest |
He hasn’t had eggs yet… though I would love to try feeding him eggs. This is off topic, but what is the safest way to feed my seven month year old eggs? I have been feeding him mostly mushy foods/purées. He only has two teeth. I have decided not to do BLW for this child.
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amother
Eggplant
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Sun, Aug 07 2022, 8:12 am
| amother [ Seafoam ] wrote: | | Sounds like youre doing your best. You can pick him up and give a quick hug and then put him down again to work on gross motor skills. There are ways to hold a child that are considered tummy time as well. |
Please leave her alone and STOP guilting her. She's doing wonderful. You're lying if you say that you hold your babies all day and they never cry for afew minutes. A 7 month old shouldn't have to be held all day. Mom is allowed to make dinner and go to the bathroom.
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newinbp
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Sun, Aug 07 2022, 8:14 am
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In French parenting theory they do what's called the pause. When baby cries mommy pauses for a few moments, she doesn't rush to pick up baby right away. In that pause sometimes baby quiets, sometimes mommy has a chance mentally to think when did baby eat last? Etc. I'm not making it up, the biggest child development theorists in France strongly believe that this helps their child best, pausing for a few minutes to evaluate before picking up baby. Another thing that can help is a baby wrap or carrier for babies that want to be constantly held - then you can still get things done while having baby in the wrap. And I second what others said above about strengthening your own internal speech and positive beliefs about yourself as a parent - you are doing a great job and doubting yourself won't help your baby. Hatzlacha!
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amother
Bottlebrush
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Sun, Aug 07 2022, 8:14 am
| amother [ OP ] wrote: | | He hasn’t had eggs yet… though I would love to try feeding him eggs. This is off topic, but what is the safest way to feed my seven month year old eggs? I have been feeding him mostly mushy foods/purées. He only has two teeth. I have decided not to do BLW for this child. |
Either scrambled eggs or start with mashed up yolk
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amother
OP
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Sun, Aug 07 2022, 8:18 am
| newinbp wrote: | | In French parenting theory they do what's called the pause. When baby cries mommy pauses for a few moments, she doesn't rush to pick up baby right away. In that pause sometimes baby quiets, sometimes mommy has a chance mentally to think when did baby eat last? Etc. I'm not making it up, the biggest child development theorists in France strongly believe that this helps their child best, pausing for a few minutes to evaluate before picking up baby. Another thing that can help is a baby wrap or carrier for babies that want to be constantly held - then you can still get things done while having baby in the wrap. And I second what others said above about strengthening your own internal speech and positive beliefs about yourself as a parent - you are doing a great job and doubting yourself won't help your baby. Hatzlacha! |
Thank you for taking the time to answer ! I loved reading Bringing Up Bebe.
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mushkamothers
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Sun, Aug 07 2022, 8:20 am
Oh my gosh I have a lot to say here.
If you don't know me then I actually teach this stuff and consider myself quite qualified in attachment and in other parenting angles. For the record I myself did RIE with my second baby and didn't give him a second of tummy time.
First of all. Baby is 7 months old. Baby is awake and crying during the day.
We are not talking about a baby at night and sleep - yes you should never let a baby cry on purpose.
We are talking about an infant who should already be crawling but instead expresses discomfort.
Your job here is NOT to "respond immediately". Don't listen to these armchair psychologists preaching that you're ruining your baby's attachment. That's not at all how attachment works.
Your job is to be there with baby and guide him through these emotions AND encourage his development.
"Yes baby I hear you. You do not like this position. You are crying. I am right here. You are going to do this exercise with me and then I will scoop you up for kisses."
This is actually attachment- meeting them in their distress and then moving them through it. Ie coregulation
A baby this age should be able to tolerate minimal levels of distress especially with your presence. There's a lot of research on this actually.
Now let's talk about the RIE theory which I actually did. And I usually agree with everything brisket boss says
All neural development occurs through movement. All milestones come from position of belly down, toes out. Rie is fine for a baby who shows no other motor delays and is hitting all milestones. However since doing rie with my 2nd, I did a 180 and did crazy tummy time with my 3rd and he was even more advanced.
The q is why your baby is crying so much. Is there an undiagnosed physical issue? Does he simply need better exercised like early intervention?
The crying itself isn't a problem
BTW rie also has a theory that you actually let baby cry on purpose at around this age (8-9 months) so yoi can leave the room. It's an exercise in trust. You say, baby I'm leaving and you come back a moment later. This helps separation anxiety.
Again my concern here is why baby hates tummy time. Thats the q. Not how to respond and are you neglectful. But why a child who at 7 months should be crawling, isn't at all ready yet, because he would need to be pivoting which you said he doesn't.
Edit you said he's strong and has reached milestones. Oral ties can prevent as strong babies but really they're just tense and rigid.
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amother
OP
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Sun, Aug 07 2022, 8:25 am
| mushkamothers wrote: | Oh my gosh I have a lot to say here.
If you don't know me then I actually teach this stuff and consider myself quite qualified in attachment and in other parenting angles. For the record I myself did RIE with my second baby and didn't give him a second of tummy time.
First of all. Baby is 7 months old. Baby is awake and crying during the day.
We are not talking about a baby at night and sleep - yes you should never let a baby cry on purpose.
We are talking about an infant who should already be crawling but instead expresses discomfort.
Your job here is NOT to "respond immediately". Don't listen to these armchair psychologists preaching that you're ruining your baby's attachment. That's not at all how attachment works.
Your job is to be there with baby and guide him through these emotions AND encourage his development.
"Yes baby I hear you. You do not like this position. You are crying. I am right here. You are going to do this exercise with me and then I will scoop you up for kisses."
This is actually attachment- meeting them in their distress and then moving them through it. Ie coregulation
A baby this age should be able to tolerate minimal levels of distress especially with your presence. There's a lot of research on this actually.
Now let's talk about the RIE theory which I actually did. And I usually agree with everything brisket boss says
All neural development occurs through movement. All milestones come from position of belly down, toes out. Rie is fine for a baby who shows no other motor delays and is hitting all milestones. However since doing rie with my 2nd, I did a 180 and did crazy tummy time with my 3rd and he was even more advanced.
The q is why your baby is crying so much. Is there an undiagnosed physical issue? Does he simply need better exercised like early intervention?
The crying itself isn't a problem
BTW rie also has a theory that you actually let baby cry on purpose at around this age (8-9 months) so yoi can leave the room. It's an exercise in trust. You say, baby I'm leaving and you come back a moment later. This helps separation anxiety.
Again my concern here is why baby hates tummy time. Thats the q. Not how to respond and are you neglectful. But why a child who at 7 months should be crawling, isn't at all ready yet, because he would need to be pivoting which you said he doesn't.
Edit you said he's strong and has reached milestones. Oral ties can prevent as strong babies but really they're just tense and rigid. |
Thank you for taking the time to type this up. My baby is likely not crawling yet because he has hated tummy time since he was a newborn. He screams through it. His doctor is not concerned. His core strength is good and he gets up on his forearms. His doctor said that many babies crawl at 9 months and I shouldn’t worry.
Of course, I am still worried. But if his doctor isn’t concerned then I’m not sure where to go next.
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amother
Seafoam
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Sun, Aug 07 2022, 8:34 am
| mushkamothers wrote: | Oh my gosh I have a lot to say here.
If you don't know me then I actually teach this stuff and consider myself quite qualified in attachment and in other parenting angles. For the record I myself did RIE with my second baby and didn't give him a second of tummy time.
First of all. Baby is 7 months old. Baby is awake and crying during the day.
We are not talking about a baby at night and sleep - yes you should never let a baby cry on purpose.
We are talking about an infant who should already be crawling but instead expresses discomfort.
Your job here is NOT to "respond immediately". Don't listen to these armchair psychologists preaching that you're ruining your baby's attachment. That's not at all how attachment works.
Your job is to be there with baby and guide him through these emotions AND encourage his development.
"Yes baby I hear you. You do not like this position. You are crying. I am right here. You are going to do this exercise with me and then I will scoop you up for kisses."
This is actually attachment- meeting them in their distress and then moving them through it. Ie coregulation
A baby this age should be able to tolerate minimal levels of distress especially with your presence. There's a lot of research on this actually.
Now let's talk about the RIE theory which I actually did. And I usually agree with everything brisket boss says
All neural development occurs through movement. All milestones come from position of belly down, toes out. Rie is fine for a baby who shows no other motor delays and is hitting all milestones. However since doing rie with my 2nd, I did a 180 and did crazy tummy time with my 3rd and he was even more advanced.
The q is why your baby is crying so much. Is there an undiagnosed physical issue? Does he simply need better exercised like early intervention?
The crying itself isn't a problem
BTW rie also has a theory that you actually let baby cry on purpose at around this age (8-9 months) so yoi can leave the room. It's an exercise in trust. You say, baby I'm leaving and you come back a moment later. This helps separation anxiety.
Again my concern here is why baby hates tummy time. Thats the q. Not how to respond and are you neglectful. But why a child who at 7 months should be crawling, isn't at all ready yet, because he would need to be pivoting which you said he doesn't.
Edit you said he's strong and has reached milestones. Oral ties can prevent as strong babies but really they're just tense and rigid. |
I love your responses in a general sense so am thrilled to see you taking note of this.
RIE gets a lot of backlash so it’s not necessarily the gold standard of parenting. Babies learn to soothe from caregivers coming in to assist with soothing. The mantra of babies should learn to self soothe by themselves is outdated.
I agree the question is why is the baby crying so much and trying to address that on a deeper level.
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mushkamothers
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Sun, Aug 07 2022, 8:44 am
| amother [ OP ] wrote: | Thank you for taking the time to type this up. My baby is likely not crawling yet because he has hated tummy time since he was a newborn. He screams through it. His doctor is not concerned. His core strength is good and he gets up on his forearms. His doctor said that many babies crawl at 9 months and I shouldn’t worry.
Of course, I am still worried. But if his doctor isn’t concerned then I’m not sure where to go next. |
A regular baby who crawls a little late, ok I don't love it but yes we can say there's room for that. But screaming since he was a newborn? I'd be concerned too.
So the q is why he hates it. And if you're still worried then it's time to get another opinion. A lot of pediatricians are not up to date on oral ties for example or GI issues.
Have you tried bodywork like: chiropractor, craniosacral, tongue tie release to make sure it's not his body?
Even a session with an OT or PT?
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mushkamothers
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Sun, Aug 07 2022, 8:46 am
| amother [ Seafoam ] wrote: | I love your responses in a general sense so am thrilled to see you taking note of this.
RIE gets a lot of backlash so it’s not necessarily the gold standard of parenting. Babies learn to soothe from caregivers coming in to assist with soothing. The mantra of babies should learn to self soothe by themselves is outdated.
I agree the question is why is the baby crying so much and trying to address that on a deeper level. |
Rie is a philosophy and it doesn't fully hold up to the neuroscience. Where it differs, I follow the latest research.
The reality is that you need to leave to go do stuff. Rie offers this as an opportunity to practice trust by explaining to baby that you're leaving and then to return and soothe. (They also do encourage this as a stand alone exercise but that's a different story and actually not a bad idea in another few months if there's separation anxiety. Its not self soothe, but increasing the window of tolerance for frustration)
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outoftownmama
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Sun, Aug 07 2022, 8:51 am
OP, what you’re describing sounds HARD and you’re doing a great job as a mom. I have 4 kids and never pushed tummy time too much as they all hated it. I did like you… let them cry for a few seconds while sitting right next to them and reassured them, you’re doing great, mommy’s right here. I love you.
GM-wise they’re all doing just fine… started walking a little “late” (16-18 m) but so what? Now my 8 and 6 yr olds are little gymnasts and my 4 yr old thinks he has superpowers because he can run really fast and do cool jumps and twist with his body 
If your doctor isn’t concerned I don’t think anyone on here has the right to tell you to be.
As for your not being able to get anything done, I would suggest a baby carrier for the times you want to do something more than throw supper together in 60 seconds while hearing him cry. There are some with a piggyback position so that you can reach the counter without a baby blocking you from the front. You’ll figure out based on his activity and your setup safety-wise (steam/stove/oven) what you can do with him in there and what you’d have to put him in a different room for.
Hugs
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amother
OP
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Sun, Aug 07 2022, 9:08 am
| mushkamothers wrote: | A regular baby who crawls a little late, ok I don't love it but yes we can say there's room for that. But screaming since he was a newborn? I'd be concerned too.
So the q is why he hates it. And if you're still worried then it's time to get another opinion. A lot of pediatricians are not up to date on oral ties for example or GI issues.
Have you tried bodywork like: chiropractor, craniosacral, tongue tie release to make sure it's not his body?
Even a session with an OT or PT? |
I’m thinking I may have a PT come to evaluate him.
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