Dosi Hebrew speakers re naming private body parts

amother

Tue, Aug 30 2022, 6:42 pm

I speak to my kids in Hebrew.

There's a part of me that strongly believes that it's important to me to teach my kids the parts of their bodies.
I.e., not calling a girl's private part "bottom"

This is connected to the belief that too many girls are taught to disconnect entirely from the bottom part of their body...until they get married, and then it's like, hey, go for it, figure it alllllll out now after we've completely ignored your lower body until now.

But I'm struggling with this.

Any dosi Israeli moms out there who can weigh in on how they do this in a sensitive and refined manner- teach your kids the real names of their private body parts without making them social outcasts in a Hardal community

Does anyone get what I'm saying?

While I'm asking all this, I'm going to ask if you use pin and pot? (iykyk)

I'm half embarrassed, half curious to hear, and hoping to get direction from like-minded moms who just want to raise aware children without making it something awkwardly out-of-the-ordinary...

amother

Marigold

Wed, Aug 31 2022, 1:01 am

I never feel like I know how to pronounce the Hebrew, but regardless, I don't think it matters what language, as long as the kids have a word for it.

I taught my kids the English words. That way it's less repeatable in school/ gan settings and they are less likely to use it or make social issues for themselves. But if they ever need to talk about that body part then they have a word for it.

Just my take on it.

But you said you speak to your kids in Hebrew, so I don't know if this would work for you. In your case I'd probably just use the Hebrew words and tell them that just like you wanted to be the one discussing this with them, the other kids' parents want to have this talk with their own kids, and they don't want others talking about it with their kids first.

I don't know your kids thought.

Bichlali this isn't something anyone is supposed to know that your kids know. If you know what I mean.

amother

Ecru

Wed, Aug 31 2022, 1:11 am

My chardal Israeli dil uses pot and tushy. (mixed marriage Laugh

)
And to the posters questioning OP's worries, I will relate that when my daughter was around 4 she and a friend were taking a bath together- the friends mother freaked out bcz my daughter said she was washing her va7ina. She called me hysterical that now her kids know it's not a front tushy. Umm, really? I fail to see why using proper names for body parts might be seen as inappropriate in any circle.

amother

Wed, Aug 31 2022, 1:13 am

amother Iris wrote:

Of all my problems in my life, not having been given names for my body parts, really didn't make it to the "what messed me up" list.
Ik, u want a real answer. Sorry...

It's okay. I don't think it messes kids up. It makes me cringe that kids call their genitals by the wrong names. Front tushy, back tushy. His bulbul, her bulbul.
And I think it is healthier to speak openly about it.

amother

Wed, Aug 31 2022, 1:16 am

amother Mintgreen wrote:

I don't understand why a child that knows the formal name for their genitals would be a social outcast. Who talks about genitals in a social setting? What children do that? In any frum community?

Who talks about genitals in social settings?
Um little children definitely do as part of normal development.

I mean that my children using the correct names could make other kids' parents nervous. Like, "why are you teaching my kids those names via your kids". Let's keep it "tzanua". Let's not. I'm sick of the way "tzanua" is twisted. I should probably not get started on this...

amother

Wed, Aug 31 2022, 1:18 am

amother Mintgreen wrote:

In fact in your own op you use "lower body" or "bottoms" ... It's genitals. It's ok. But there's no need to feel like a social outcast for knowing about your genitals. That's private anyway.

That's right. I grew up in a very shame-based culture in which my mother let me find out from other sources things that she probably should have taught me herself. My language is, therefore, a little hesitant. Hence wanting to correct this with my own kids.

amother

Wed, Aug 31 2022, 1:20 am

amother Ecru wrote:

My chardal Israeli dil uses pot and tushy. (mixed marriage Laugh

This is exactly what I'm talking about.
Wanting to teach them the correct words, but it being very strange to do so in our community.
And yes. Kids talk to one another about body parts. Because that's part of being a kid.

amother

Wed, Aug 31 2022, 2:08 am

amother Iris wrote:

Of all my problems in my life, not having been given names for my body parts, really didn't make it to the "what messed me up" list.
Ik, u want a real answer. Sorry...

I answered you more pleasantly above, but actually, your comment bothered me.
You were snarky and you didn't even have the guts to do it not anon.
Next time, just don't respond. Roll your eyes and move on.
Thanks.

amother

Mintgreen

Wed, Aug 31 2022, 2:26 am

I think you're giving it more weight than necessary. No one ever became a social outcast because of this. It seems like a bit of overthinking. You have your history from your personal education but it doesn't mean that it's a universal thing. If other people want to use bulbul or whatever that's their choice. I don't think there is one socially acceptable way to talk about body awareness with children.

And yes kids might say butt or bulbul or aiver or whatever. But it's usually a one off and not endless existential conversations about genitals. Unless they're taking some sort of gender identity class that we should know about.

Also it's "dosi"? Not "daati"? How home there is a soft "s" sound at the end of the word?

amother

Mintgreen

Wed, Aug 31 2022, 2:30 am

amother Ecru wrote:

My chardal Israeli dil uses pot and tushy. (mixed marriage Laugh

Why are they taking baths together? Another adult is bathing a child that's not theirs? Not even related? I have no problem with knowing names of body parts. But children bathing together naked and an adult not related supervising....

salt

Wed, Aug 31 2022, 2:36 am

amother Mintgreen wrote:

It's the Israeli slang way of saying frummy. It's pronouncing the word דתי with an ashkenazi pronunciation which makes it sound 'frum'. It's just Israeil slang.

amother

Wed, Aug 31 2022, 2:37 am

amother Mintgreen wrote:

I probably am over-thinking. It's something I do exceptionally well Laugh

I didn't literally mean they'd become social outcasts. I think some of the tone of my postt was lost...as so often is in posts...

It's a subject that I feel passionately about not only because of my upbringing but because of issues that I have with the religious community's way of dealing with issues that, in my eyes are related- body parts, tznua-lo tzanua, thinking that the best thing to do is just to keep shtum about things, lack of openness, molestation, s-x ed, etc.

Yah, dosi/dos is a funny word- Dos (a frummer in DL circles) is used because I guess it's kind of a jab at the Ashkenazi pronunciation of the word...like what Israelis consider old-school pronunciation...

Thank you for sharing your thoughts respectfully. I appreciate it.

amother

Wed, Aug 31 2022, 2:38 am

amother Mintgreen wrote:

I'll admit that those were my thoughts and feelings too...