S/O "Getting evicted"

DrMom

Tue, Sep 06 2022, 3:30 am

tweety1 wrote:

Nobody is telling anyone to live frugally, but it's not a mitzvah to build a house to take other people's eyes out. I have a classmate/former friend who grew up with literally no money. Married and her husband is bh very very well off, gives lots of tzedukah. If you would see her on the street you would think she's still the same poor. Her house inside is beautiful, the outside? Exremely plain and simple as can be. She still wears the same clothing probably since she got married. Is so quiet and refined; I'm amazed how money didn't let her change.
You're allowed to have a nice house, you're allowed to have gorgeous jewlery, but there are ways to do it. You don't have to be extravagant.

Maybe some people have homes with nice exteriors and plain interiors.

Why does any of this matter? What does this have to do with paying someone else's rent?

amother

Ghostwhite

Tue, Sep 06 2022, 7:33 am

I disagree that financial education is the solution here. If you read the threads on this site, most people who at the point where they can't pay their rent are dealing with illness in some form, physical or mental: themselves, a spouse, a kid. Some people can heroically balance work with illness/caregiving, many cannot. So that makes it a Bikur Cholim issue.

amother

Snowflake

Tue, Sep 06 2022, 8:17 am

amother OP wrote:

Al Shlosha DVarim Haolam Omed, al HaTorah Avoda, U Gmilas Chasadim.

This has zero to do with the landlord. He deserves to get paid.

This has to do with spending a very small portion of ones money, and caring for others in bad situations. No one knows when it could be them needing it.

There are no specific qualifications for chessed. It is not up to you or anyone else to decide which chessed program should be funded by whom. I know many people in big houses who are in major debt, but most people don’t know it. You have no idea where people are giving their money to, and it shouldn’t be any of anyone’s business.

amother

Indigo

Tue, Sep 06 2022, 8:35 am

amother Ghostwhite wrote:

Stress causes illness - both physical and mental. We stress out the parents to the degree that the psyche can't handle it. Some people have stronger psyche and can push through, others though fall through. When you have a setup that goes against the nature of the world, something will give. That something will vary according to people, but depression, anxiety, heart conditions, all fall well within the range of that 'something'.

Change our broken system, change this crazy lifestyle and watch to see how quickly those numbers suffering from illness will drop.

amother

Fern

Tue, Sep 06 2022, 8:47 am

tweety1 wrote:

This used to be my philosophy. We have money, bli ayin hara may it continue, and always lived very under our means from the outside. Lately, we need more space. So now we have a large house, not crazy from the outside but definitely big. But there are reasons for it. People who have very little money might consider those reasons optional and we should rather give the difference to others. But I know many who understand, and wish they could do the same.

My need for each of my kids to have their own room due to specific factors, and to have an extra room too so we can accommodate relatives without moving anyone, does not come second to paying someone else's rent on a regular basis. I get why it would from their POV, but I have to take care of my family. And people in our community who know us will sometimes come to us to help a family who needs, and we give, happy that we can. If one month things are tighter, we may ask if they can go to someone else that month and we'll do the next.

amother

Blonde

Tue, Sep 06 2022, 8:52 am

amother Indigo wrote:

This assumes that there isn't any mental illness in the "outside world" - I'm not buying it.

amother

Starflower

Tue, Sep 06 2022, 8:57 am

Something that I noticed about some very rich people is, that they will give hundreds of thousands of dollars to tzeddakah organizations... but when it comes to their business they are as karg as could be. For example, they will pay their employees as little as possible, they would never rent their apartment for even a cent less than they could get.

amother

Indigo

Tue, Sep 06 2022, 9:02 am

amother Blonde wrote:

This assumes that there isn't any mental illness in the "outside world" - I'm not buying it.

Reread my post - I didn't say it will be eliminated, I said it will be reduced. There's obviously mental illness everywhere in the world, but we have an overload of factors that feed right into it. A major factor is stress, and we can't deny that we have set up our lifestyles to be an extremely stressful one. We pretend that the nature of the world doesn't apply to us, and things will just magically, or miraculously fall into place for everyone. What we blatantly ignore is that Hashem told us to live within the nature of the world, and the Torah works accordingly. So there is no magic or miracles for the unrealistic or unsustainable system that we have set up. And that breaks many individuals. Large families, high lifestyles with limited tools to achieve those goals, makes no sense as per the world Hashem created.

It is those who bury the head in the sand, and choose to find any other culprit to blame, is what is perpetuating this absurdity of a lifestyle. Yep, we've tried to play along. We've applied band-aid after band-aid in an attempt to fix things, but band-aids only work for so long. The bleeding is seeping out from all corners, and it will come to a head. If you want a system to be sustained, it has to make sense for the average person, not just for some select individuals. We're choking out many parents to the point of mental/physical illness, we're shortchanging/destroying many kids, we're disenfranchising our children in shidduchim - all in the name of a broken, unsustainable system. A system that has little to do with yiddishkeit, it's just a system of community & social constructs.

GLUE

Tue, Sep 06 2022, 9:29 am

Rent is to hi is not a Frum issue, it is an American issue. It is also a world issue there are YIMBY offices in every major city like Berlin, Shanghai, San Francisco, ect..

It was a campaign issue in last election in many places in this country it is the campaign issue.

I read somewhere that the number one reason for bankruptcy in the US is cancer.

amother

Tue, Sep 06 2022, 10:32 am

theoneandonly wrote:

Who says the ppl in the huge mansions aren't paying other ppls rent and giving tons of tzedaka? News flash: they are. They might just be doing it quietly and not splashing their names on buildings for everyone to see.

Great, so how does OP find someone like that to help her?

imorethanamother

Tue, Sep 06 2022, 1:05 pm

tweety1 wrote:

I agree with you. That former friend is an exception, not the rule.

Again, the argument is that once these extremely wealthy people (and I'm sure your friend is rich, but there's rich and there's wealthy) earn a certain income bracket, they still have a huge chunk of change after giving 20%.

I mean, Bill Gates has a mansion that's 66,000 square feet. Do we tell him to live in a one story bungalow instead? Or do we recognize that he gives 70 billion away, he's allowed to live like a king?

That was the crux of my argument, anyway. That he shouldn't. But everyone else in my life disagrees with me.

DustyDiamonds

Tue, Sep 06 2022, 1:33 pm

amother Ghostwhite wrote:

Interesting. But in Israel and other countries with socialized medicine, we don’t see a lower rate of poverty.

DustyDiamonds

Tue, Sep 06 2022, 1:35 pm

amother Starflower wrote:

Have you ever watched an episode of Shark Tank?

That’s how wealthy people get that way, they buy low and sell high, and pay as little as possible to employees to get the job done.

I have a business. I pay many of my employees the lower end of the accepted rate. This is how my business generates a profit. Then, and only then, can I make a Cheshbone about giving charity.

If I’d run my business like a charity, then I would require charity!

DustyDiamonds

Tue, Sep 06 2022, 1:42 pm

amother Indigo wrote:

I agree that stress causes illness.

I disagree that we humans can do things to eliminate stress in most of society’s lives.

Wouldn’t it be a million times simpler to teach stress reduction skills?

Teach 30 minutes a week of deep breathing in k-12. 30 minutes won’t reduce much of the rest of the curriculum. Use a video to teach if you don’t want to hire teachers! So easy! Watch how much more relaxed society will be in 20 years!

Teach tapping, DBT skills, the concepts that sunlight and being in nature, a good nights sleep, exercise etc will all do more for most peoples’ mental health than SSRI’s!

Why are we teaching the names of all the dynasties of ancient China and not USEFUL, HEALING life skills???

amother

Iris

Tue, Sep 06 2022, 3:46 pm

DrMom wrote:

In the short run: I do not know.

In the long run: How about better education re: financial planning?

People who are unable to pay their rent are often in very unfortunate situations, nothing to do with lack of financial planning.

The OP that this is a spinoff of has a husband with mental illness and a son with medical needs. Not everything can be planned for or avoided.