Home

The impact of becoming the only child at home
1, 2  Next
 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children


View latest: 24h 48h 72h

amother




OP
 

Post Tue, Sep 06 2022, 7:14 pm
My tween became the only one at home roughly a month ago and he's become a lot more demanding, more difficult and all around more cheeky since. I feel that it's the impact of his being my and DH's main focus but there isn't much we can do about it.

He finishes school late, often has friends over and we don't pressure him in any real way but he's got to listen, cooperate and tidy up after himself etc.

Any advice/insight?
Back to top

amother




Apple
 

Post Tue, Sep 06 2022, 7:20 pm
Did he really change that much or are you noticing more because he’s your main focus?
Also, it’s lonely and boring to be the only child home. I’d cut him some slack.
Back to top

amother




Navyblue
 

Post Tue, Sep 06 2022, 7:22 pm
It could possibly be other factors that are affecting him. Namely: puberty, and cold/virus thing going around, etc.
give it some time. Put down a few basic non negotiable ground rules and let the rest be flexible as things change and he gets older.
Back to top

BrisketBoss




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Sep 06 2022, 7:25 pm
He's 'got to' listen and do those other things? What does that even mean? All of us do things when we see a reason to do them. Otherwise we don't, and we experience what happens when we don't.

Maybe you should have a talk about that. Hear his perspective, then maybe he'll hear yours and work with you on new systems that make sense to both of you. Kids are more likely to cooperate when their relationship with their parents is in a good place. Mutually respectful and trusting, and some quality time spent together. But these years can be rough. For some families tweens are worse, for some teens.
Back to top

amother




Pear
 

Post Tue, Sep 06 2022, 7:28 pm
Op respectfully, your child isn’t ‘an only’ (which is usually short for ‘an only child’ He is the ‘only one home’ VERY VERY a DIFFERENT THINGS and also potentially triggering to any imas who have truly have ‘an only’ (not by choice) please consider modifying your subject name
Back to top

amother




Birch
 

Post Tue, Sep 06 2022, 7:44 pm
I have what I consider to be two only children because of the age difference and difference in interests. They are each very demanding. I totally relate.
Back to top

amother




Butterscotch
 

Post Wed, Sep 07 2022, 1:59 am
amother Pear wrote:
Op respectfully, your child isn’t ‘an only’ (which is usually short for ‘an only child’ He is the ‘only one home’ VERY VERY a DIFFERENT THINGS and also potentially triggering to any imas who have truly have ‘an only’ (not by choice) please consider modifying your subject name
This, so much this. OP, please change your subject line. I have an actual only child. A teenager. And this thread subject line is very different than your actual situation.
Having an only is very different than all of a sudden having one child at home.
And possibly he feels the change so he is acting up a bit.
Back to top

amother




Brass
 

Post Wed, Sep 07 2022, 2:44 am
My youngest sister had a year when she was the only one living at home, when she was about fourteen. She said she was going to spend the time being an only child, and getting as spoiled as she could possibly manage. I don't know about spoiled, but she did get a lot of attention that year, and had treats that were too expensive for a family but ok for one.
Back to top

amother




Butterscotch
 

Post Wed, Sep 07 2022, 2:46 am
amother Brass wrote:
My youngest sister had a year when she was the only one living at home, when she was about fourteen. She said she was going to spend the time being an only child, and getting as spoiled as she could possibly manage. I don't know about spoiled, but she did get a lot of attention that year, and had treats that were too expensive for a family but ok for one.
Just because someone is an only child does not mean they are automatically spoiled. Many who have only one child try very hard not to spoil their one child.

The stereotyping in this thread is extremely hurtful.
Back to top

amother




Brass
 

Post Wed, Sep 07 2022, 2:52 am
She was fourteen, so of course she went in for stereotypes. If she was the only one at home, she was getting all she could out of the situation.
Back to top

amother




Butterscotch
 

Post Wed, Sep 07 2022, 2:54 am
amother Brass wrote:
She was fourteen, so of course she went in for stereotypes. If she was the only one at home, she was getting all she could out of the situation.
My point was that just because someone is an only child does not automatically mean they are spoiled. Thats what your post sounded like. And its just not true. My only is the farthest thing from being spoiled. We as her parents make sure of that.
Back to top

amother




Camellia
 

Post Wed, Sep 07 2022, 3:57 am
I have an only and of course she is more spoiled than children of big families.

We more readily buy ices etc.

I get to sit in the park just with her and spend hours together. Even if I don't intentionally spoil her, it just happens that she comes along more places with us and gets her own toys.

I plan my menu around her because what would be the point otherwise.

It's inevitable but we try for it to be the healthiest possible by having a set bedtime, no excessive nosh etc.
Back to top

amother




Cerulean
 

Post Wed, Sep 07 2022, 7:30 am
amother Camellia wrote:
I have an only and of course she is more spoiled than children of big families.

We more readily buy ices etc.

I get to sit in the park just with her and spend hours together. Even if I don't intentionally spoil her, it just happens that she comes along more places with us and gets her own toys.

I plan my menu around her because what would be the point otherwise.

It's inevitable but we try for it to be the healthiest possible by having a set bedtime, no excessive nosh etc.


It's ok for her to get these treats. She doesn't have siblings - she's missing out on that. We all have our own peckel.

I also allow my only child more than the average. Nobody has it all. Not have siblings is a big deal.
Back to top

amother




Butterscotch
 

Post Wed, Sep 07 2022, 7:50 am
amother Camellia wrote:
I have an only and of course she is more spoiled than children of big families.

We more readily buy ices etc.

I get to sit in the park just with her and spend hours together. Even if I don't intentionally spoil her, it just happens that she comes along more places with us and gets her own toys.

I plan my menu around her because what would be the point otherwise.

It's inevitable but we try for it to be the healthiest possible by having a set bedtime, no excessive nosh etc.
Here it is again. I dont know why people say this. An only child does not have to "of course" be spoiled. And yes, an only child may get more of something than another child that has siblings, but that does not mean the child is spoiled.
Back to top

amother




Camellia
 

Post Wed, Sep 07 2022, 9:35 am
amother Butterscotch wrote:
Here it is again. I dont know why people say this. An only child does not have to "of course" be spoiled. And yes, an only child may get more of something than another child that has siblings, but that does not mean the child is spoiled.


That's my opinion with having an only.

You can beg to differ.

It is inevitable that she is more spoiled. Even if I am consciously trying not to overdo anything, fact is, she gets my undivided resources being money, time and attention.

Perhaps we're defining spoiled differently.

I mean to say, that she is getting way more investment than say I was when growing up in a huge family.
Back to top

amother




OP
 

Post Wed, Sep 07 2022, 9:37 am
I'm sorry for those who found it triggering. I especially wrote "only" in parentheses so it would be clear. I'll change it. For the record, I have a small family myself so I understand the pain on some level.
Back to top

amother




Butterscotch
 

Post Wed, Sep 07 2022, 9:41 am
amother OP wrote:
I'm sorry for those who found it triggering. I especially wrote "only" in parentheses so it would be clear. I'll change it. For the record, I have a small family myself so I understand the pain on some level.
Thank you. Please do.
Back to top

amother




OP
 

Post Wed, Sep 07 2022, 9:50 am
amother Butterscotch wrote:
Thank you. Please do.


Done Smile
Back to top

amother




OP
 

Post Wed, Sep 07 2022, 10:15 am
BrisketBoss wrote:
He's 'got to' listen and do those other things? What does that even mean? All of us do things when we see a reason to do them. Otherwise we don't, and we experience what happens when we don't.

Maybe you should have a talk about that. Hear his perspective, then maybe he'll hear yours and work with you on new systems that make sense to both of you. Kids are more likely to cooperate when their relationship with their parents is in a good place. Mutually respectful and trusting, and some quality time spent together. But these years can be rough. For some families tweens are worse, for some teens.


Let me preface this by saying that we have a very loving, close relationship. When I say 'listen' I don't mean in an "I'm the mother you have to listen to me" type of way. It's the regular things that are taken for granted that he's making a fuss about (like getting into pyjamas, putting on shoes, getting ready for school etc.) but the main issue now is that he's being very disrespectful when things aren't to his liking.

You're right that we need to talk.

He seems to have become much more demanding and though we spend a considerable amount of quality time together, nothing ever seems good enough of late.
Back to top

amother




OP
 

Post Wed, Sep 07 2022, 10:22 am
amother Butterscotch wrote:
...An only child does not have to "of course" be spoiled. And yes, an only child may get more of something than another child that has siblings, but that does not mean the child is spoiled.


True.
Back to top
Page 1 of 2 1, 2  Next Recent Topics

View latest: 24h 48h 72h


Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children

Related Topics Replies Last Post
Is 13 old enough to leave your child alone.
by amother
72 Yesterday at 10:30 am View last post
Really urgent: Dentist for child root canal, Rockland, Fidel
by amother
18 Wed, Nov 30 2022, 8:43 pm View last post
NYC help 4 ADHD child, extracurricular, cleaning help etc
by amother
5 Wed, Nov 30 2022, 2:47 pm View last post
Cheder for HFA Socially Off Child - Boro Park
by amother
4 Mon, Nov 28 2022, 12:27 am View last post
Gift Child with Social Deficits
by amother
5 Thu, Nov 24 2022, 8:34 pm View last post