Male Bus Monitor calls dd "pretty girl"

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amother

Wed, Sep 14 2022, 9:48 pm

My daughter is 3 yrs old and goes on the bus to a preschool program.
The bus monitor on the bus (not Jewish) is a nice probably middle aged guy- who seems to be great with kids.
He always greets my daughter as "Hey pretty girl" or "Hey pretty (daughter's name)"
The other day he said "Hey pretty girl. Nice hairdo!"

Is this something concerning? I keep trying to think if it was a female, would I find it weird?

If I encounter a male anywhere that calls me a "pretty girl" I'd find it really creepy and would stay away....so....

Any advice?

amother

Navy

Wed, Sep 14 2022, 10:07 pm

Maybe I’m too sensitive, but I think just the fact that he’s the bus monitor is weird. I’d be uncomfortable by those comments. Even if I didn’t think he was gonna do anything creepy. Just doesn’t seem socially normal.

amother

Vermilion

Wed, Sep 14 2022, 10:07 pm

I get what you're saying, but it seems totally innocent and sweet.

amother

Wed, Sep 14 2022, 10:21 pm

amother Navy wrote:

So when I saw he was the bus monitor, I had the same thought. It's a non Jewish private bus company, and in the secular world it is normal. Public school kindergarten teachers could also be the same middle aged man...maybe he used to be a teacher and wanted something slower paced so decided to be a bus monitor...the bus monitor in the afternoon is an older lady.

amother

Seagreen

Wed, Sep 14 2022, 10:24 pm

That wouldnt concern me.

amother

Lawngreen

Wed, Sep 14 2022, 10:28 pm

I don't think the objective scenario can be judged, but what is your gut feeling or intuition telling you

amother

Begonia

Wed, Sep 14 2022, 10:31 pm

He is trying to make her (and all the other children) feel confident and good about themselves.
He is probably a gentle soul who like children and is not sufficiently educated to be a teacher.

I have a patient who is a 55 yo male bus monitor and one who is a 60 yo male kindergarten shadow. Nothing creepy about them. They are just uneducated genuinely good guys.

(I have another patient who is a rapist and on Meghan’s list, but that is something else)

amother

Seagreen

Wed, Sep 14 2022, 10:39 pm

amother Lawngreen wrote:

I don't think the objective scenario can be judged, but what is your gut feeling or intuition telling you

I used to say the same thing but I dont agree with the "gut feeling" response anymore. Too many people (especially here) are constantly reading way too deeply into things, and following gut feelings off a cliff. The friendly male coworker is flirting, the concerned Rebbi is inappropriate, the tired husband is cheating etc etc.

Sometimes people are just being nice and friendly.

I used to be nice and friendly to children too but I stopped because im so scared of one nitwit getting all up in arms and accusing me of something and thats not worth the risk.

But there still are nice and friendly people out there. Not everything friendly and sweet is creepy.

chay

Wed, Sep 14 2022, 10:42 pm

I think it's a cultural thing

amother

Daffodil

Wed, Sep 14 2022, 11:02 pm

I'm weirded out that you're weirded out by someone calling a THREE YEAR OLD "pretty girl" and complimenting her hair. That's totally normal in my world. He's trying to be friendly and make her feel good. Like, hello?? If she were 13, I'd call the cops

amother

Begonia

Wed, Sep 14 2022, 11:52 pm

Duplicate

zaq

Thu, Sep 15 2022, 12:38 am

Well, is he singling her out or does he compliment all the kids? Maybe he calls all the girls pretty girl and all the boys big guy or champ.

There's no way for anyone to judge just from reading your post. Nobody here saw or heard and evidently neither did you. The man could be a pedophile grooming your dd or he could be a jovial avuncular guy who knows that most females between the ages of two and a hundred twenty appreciate compliments. Keep your eyes and ears open but don't jump to any conclusions. Speak to the school, other parents, and the bus company. Have there been other complaints?

amother

Thu, Sep 15 2022, 1:04 am

zaq wrote:

I don't know, she is the only one that goes into the bus from this stop, and I don't know of anyone else in the area.

It struck me as odd and I didn't know who to ask. I didnt want to make an issue out of something that in fact is not.

The guy is really nice and I can see him being a cute dad or grandfather. Definitely wouldn't be surprised if he was a teacher....but the "hey pretty girl" every single morning creeps me out. This is a 3 year old so he buckles her into a car seat on the bus and he helps her into her seat...it's not just a guy who sits on the bus and babysits...

amother

Thu, Sep 15 2022, 1:05 am

amother Daffodil wrote:

I understand what you are saying but as a Jewish mom in 2022, am I allowed to be dramatic? It's a crazy world out there.

amother

Thu, Sep 15 2022, 1:06 am

amother Vermilion wrote:

I get what you're saying, but it seems totally innocent and sweet.

This is what I would love to believe. He seems like a really nice guy.

amother

Thu, Sep 15 2022, 1:07 am

amother Lawngreen wrote:

I don't think the objective scenario can be judged, but what is your gut feeling or intuition telling you

My gut feeling is always the worst case scenario.

Rappel

Thu, Sep 15 2022, 1:20 am

amother OP wrote:

I understand what you are saying but as a Jewish mom in 2022, am I allowed to be dramatic? It's a crazy world out there.

You can ask for a character reference from a supervisor if you want to feel more secure.

But don't make a good guy lose his job. There are enough terrible bus monitors out there that if you have a sweet grandpa looking after your kid, I would say count your blessings.

DrMom

Thu, Sep 15 2022, 3:20 am

amother OP wrote:

I understand what you are saying but as a Jewish mom in 2022, am I allowed to be dramatic? It's a crazy world out there.

If you want to make yourself meshugeneh, go ahead.

But your DD is only 3 years old. You have at least 15 more years to worry about her. You may want to pace yourself.

shabbatiscoming

Thu, Sep 15 2022, 3:25 am

amother Navy wrote:

There is nothing wrong with male bus monitors.
In israel, there are buses for special education. And there are always adult bus monitors on those buses. Sometimes men and sometimes women. Please dont make somethnig completely innocent into something bad. She is 3.

When I was in high school, my bus home in 12 grade was a jewish owned company and we girls got one of the drivers fired because he was completely inappropriate with some of the girls. But thats 14 - 18 year olds. Not a 3 year old. Very very different.

Chickensoupprof

Thu, Sep 15 2022, 4:34 am

Should I also be worried or freaked out that DH call his little nieces (under 5) 'Come dolly let uncle tie ur shoelces so mummy and daddy can make lunch ready for the park!'

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