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DS low self esteem Help!

 
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amother




OP
 

Post Wed, Sep 28 2022, 11:15 am
Ds, 12 has very low self esteem. He's miserable. I'm trying to build him up and try to find things he's good at to.make him feel a bit better. (I know it's not the solution)

Had hard time finding something till he asked to bake, or make dinner. (He always wants to try the most complicated recipes, every time have to explain to him again why should do simple recipes first)

Today he showed me all proud how he made a dairy dish for dinner. I made a big deal then realized that he used meat utensils, dishes.

How would u react to that?
He did same thing last time. He's feeling in the dumps all over again when felt so good what he did at first.

How can I build his self esteem like this when he keeps on messing up??

He wants to play music ,wants to do so many things but he doesn't know how!! Then feels miserable. He's sort of attracting mishaps
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amother




Olive
 

Post Wed, Sep 28 2022, 11:20 am
amother OP wrote:
Ds, 12 has very low self esteem. He's miserable. I'm trying to build him up and try to find things he's good at to.make him feel a bit better. (I know it's not the solution)

Had hard time finding something till he asked to bake, or make dinner. (He always wants to try the most complicated recipes, every time have to explain to him again why should do simple recipes first)

Today he showed me all proud how he made a dairy dish for dinner. I made a big deal then realized that he used meat utensils, dishes.

How would u react to that?
He did same thing last time. He's feeling in the dumps all over again when felt so good what he did at first.

How can I build his self esteem like this when he keeps on messing up??

He wants to play music ,wants to do so many things but he doesn't know how!! Then feels miserable. He's sort of attracting mishaps


Why would you allow him to try his hand at cooking when he’s so new at it, WITHOUT your supervision? That’s not his fault, it’s yours.

You saying he “keeps messing up” is for sure what’s contributing to his low self esteem. You should be praising his efforts whether he’s successful or not. I don’t think he’s attracting mishaps. I think your perspective is all wrong. You’re the adult, you’re the one who should be encouraging him, teaching him these skills, not expecting him to master them automatically at such a young age. He needs to be shown the time and patience to get better at them. I think your expectations of him are too high and not realistic and that’s what’s causing his feelings about himself. Maybe get some outside professional advice on what your role should be in helping him. I thin’ so far it’s been counterproductive.
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amother




OP
 

Post Wed, Sep 28 2022, 11:31 am
I wasn't home when he did it. He called me if could do it. Told him ill be home soon he should wait and I'll help him. He wasn't too happy about it but said ok. Few minutes later he called me all proud that he did it all by himself and came out good.

Of course I know he's a beginner, and he needs help. But he wants to push himself and show he doesn't need help.

Of course I didn't tell him he failed. I told him that mistakes happen and we all do mistakes. His response was why he's always messing things up...

That's why I'm here. I want to know how all off you would deal with that.
What would you do better?
Do you even know a kid like this?
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