Dd9 hates being Jewish because....

Moonlight

Thu, Nov 10 2022, 10:55 pm

Dd9 told me today, crying, that she hates being Jewish because all the other nations hate us.

What was I supposed to answer?

miami85

Thu, Nov 10 2022, 11:00 pm

It says in the Torah that "Halacha he b'yadua she eisav soneh l'yaakov"

Maybe find the "v'hee she'amda" song from Baruch learns about Pesach. Show her that Hashem always saves us.

OceanRider

Thu, Nov 10 2022, 11:13 pm

miami85 wrote:

Hashem always saves us.

Well.. We’ve been through a Holocaust. We’ve been through unimaginable torture throughout history.

I have the same question. If God loves us the most, why are we getting tortured the most?
Does saving a fraction of our people mean that he cares about us? That he protects us?

We are the chosen nation, for what? For 613 possibilities to fail and go to hell? To get shamed hated and tortured?

Honestly I’m with OPs 9yo daughter.

I wish I knew the answer.

PinkFridge

Thu, Nov 10 2022, 11:22 pm

It hasn't always been this way. In our halcyon days, the nations of the world clamored to join us, to pray in our BHMK. BeH, think of the second half of Aleinu, b'karov.
Meanwhile we're in an imperfect world. Yet there is such amazing beauty in the people who keep Torah. While all those nations were killing and hating us, we rose to the level of angel.
Gnite.

Moonlight

Thu, Nov 10 2022, 11:29 pm

So what would you advise I respond? Regarding everyone hating us

steak4me

Thu, Nov 10 2022, 11:32 pm

Moonlight wrote:

So what would you advise I respond? Regarding everyone hating us

I would focus on the hate aspect vs the Jewish aspect.

Not everyone hates us at all. Bring her examples. And then show her how others get prosecuted as well. Blacks, Muslims, Christian’s.

And then try to find out what bothers her about being hated. Is it a fear factor? Does she fear her safety?

DrMom

Thu, Nov 10 2022, 11:47 pm

Moonlight wrote:

Dd9 told me today, crying, that she hates being Jewish because all the other nations hate us.

What was I supposed to answer?

Is this something she was taught in school? I would have a talk with her teacher to find out what they are telling her.

sbil

Fri, Nov 11 2022, 12:04 am

Say they hate us due to jealousy. They like that we have shabbos and family and community. It's an honor to be part of the nation and have Torah as our guide. But if we don't have it will be lost and become nothing and become unhappy. Yes we were persecuted but who is still left standing. No more Greeks no more Roman's and no more natzis but the jews are still thriving. we are maaminim that hashem will send moshiach and all that hate will go away and there will be peace.

momX4

Fri, Nov 11 2022, 12:08 am

sbil wrote:

I had a similar conversation with dd age 11. She wanted to know why everyone hates the Jews.

I said it's due to jealousy. It's clear to everyone that Hashem loves us. They tried to wipe us out countless times.

Dd noted that Jews are the minority, but if not for all the crusade, persecution, wars... who know how many Jews there could have been today.

notshanarishona

Fri, Nov 11 2022, 12:40 am

Moonlight wrote:

Dd9 told me today, crying, that she hates being Jewish because all the other nations hate us.

What was I supposed to answer?

I would be worried that something happened to her that she is not telling you. Did someone scream something antisemitic of hurt her? That’s not a typical 9 year old behavior.

Thisisnotmyreal

Fri, Nov 11 2022, 2:02 am

OceanRider wrote:

Well.. We’ve been through a Holocaust. We’ve been through unimaginable torture throughout history.

1) I have the same question. If God loves us the most, why are we getting tortured the most?
Does saving a fraction of our people mean that he cares about us? That he protects us?

2)We are the chosen nation, for what? For 613 possibilities to fail and go to hell? To get shamed hated and tortured?

3)Honestly I’m with OPs 9yo daughter.

4)I wish I knew the answer.

1) Yes. It is called having a long life. Everyone in history has been oppressed from slaves to kings. But they don't last to have the victim story that we can have. They just have a tragic end. We are miraculously here to be able to keep saying the story. It's true we've always been persecuted as a group, it's an incredible history that doesn't leave a gap of more than a decade without something awful. Do remember that to die Al kiddush Hashem is a privilege that our Neshamos had. We got to demonstrate our dedication to Hashem time and time again, proving our authenticity that we really are deserving of the Torah and our status as Yidden. No one is excusing the horrors that have occured, it needs to stop yesterday.

2) Hell is just the transition from earth to heaven. It's something a person can avoid with ease. And it's not the reason we try to keep the Torah. The part of us Hashem chose to put in a Neshama is our physical Jewish body that can sin. We are preferred by Hashem just for being who we are and we respond in kind by keeping Torah. Because how else can we reciprocate that overwhelming gift of being chosen to be the wife of a most perfect G-d?

3) To have these questions are good but they should have been answered in your childhood and I'm sorry that they haven't been.

4) Please continue to ask. It is your inherent right to ask as a Yid who has Torah that provides all the answers.

naomi6

Fri, Nov 11 2022, 2:09 am

We must always strive to make as many as possible Kiddush Hashems. If we are nice and respectful to the non jews it would definitely make a difference as how they treat us

ora_43

Fri, Nov 11 2022, 2:28 am

steak4me wrote:

Agree with this but I would reverse the order.

Figure out where this is coming from, what exactly she means by "everyone hates us," and what her fear is. It could be that she's heard a wildly distorted version of the truth.

Once you know the facts are straight, then I'd focus on putting in perspective. Like steak4me said on the fact that it's not just Jews, and not everyone hates us - but I'd add here that Hashem can protect us from any number of haters.

Rappel

Fri, Nov 11 2022, 4:44 am

The old joke goes: "If the Jews don't make kiddush, then the [non jew]|m make havdala."

Our primary job in existence is to make a kiddush Hashem. We're known as the Am Kohanim - the nation of teachers (priests served as the teachers of Torah) - and in that capacity, we're a light unto the nations.

But if we forget our job, try to cancel it, then G-d put in a fail-safe switch to put us back on the right track - He makes the non-Jews attack until we ask whom we are, and why we're here, and do Teshuva. That's the only time when hatred comes into play.

They remind us what our job and nature is: to follow Hashem's Torah in the land of Eretz Yisrael. If we go do it, then we don't experience hatred.

MyUsername

Fri, Nov 11 2022, 5:53 am

Teach her stories about all the righteous gentiles who helped Jews over the years. From history through today. Plenty of examples from Tanach, Jewish history, the inquisition, wars, the Holocaust.

In Jerusalem, there is actually a museum dedicated to this (maybe called Friends of Zion or something like that). I found all the stories really touching.

There will always be people who hate other people, whether it is Jews or others, but it doesn't mean everybody hates us, and there are always good people in the world from other nations who risk their lives for us.

Chickensoupprof

Fri, Nov 11 2022, 5:58 am

My father is not Jewish like his whole family and they all love me my father still cries on my birthday because he remembers the happiness he felt when I was born.

camp123

Fri, Nov 11 2022, 6:02 am

Why teach so much negativity. Tell her stories of non jews who respected and thought highly of Jews.
I would be worried about whose educating her.
Teach her what Jews have accomplished in the world. If you make the non jews isto evil people who are all Nazis and want to kill this is what will happen.
Not everyone hates the Jews. Some people do.

imasinger

Fri, Nov 11 2022, 7:05 am

Any time you hear "everyone", it's worth checking out who and what it really is. Because our brains filter and process and categorize.

The truth is that many nations have supported and helped us, too. And that the world is constantly changing, so yesterday's friend may become today's enemy, but also, yesterday's enemy may become today's friend. We always have to remember that our trust belongs primarily with Hashem, and even that is sometimes very difficult.

I like the song from Journeys, Most Amazing Miracle, for a conversation with kids this age.

shaqued_almond

Fri, Nov 11 2022, 7:52 am

I've had this conversation with my six year old recently because he watched a Jewish video that said that. It's a platform with Jewish videos on all sorts of topics like ribit and they sometimes watch it with their dad. I didn't expect them to say that.
Anyway, what did I answer him? I told him there were many times when people wanted to hurt us. Like the Greeks when we refused to leave Torah. But nowadays we see it less, baruch hashem. many nations didn't (and don't) understand when someone is different from them. In America we have lots of minorities and there's people blaming them for things. In many places, Jews were the only minority so people would project all their fears and bad behavior on them because it was easy to blame them. Jews didn't have rights, they often had no weapons to protect themselves so they had a hard time defending themselves. Let's say some nonjew did something bad. It would be much more convenient for them to blame a Jew than to admit they did it and get punished. In that scenario the nonjew didn't care about the Jew. But obviously not all nonjews were or are like that. We have very nice nonjewish neighbors so my kids have a personal example but there's also many stories of nonjews saving or helping Jews that you can tell her.

miami85

Fri, Nov 11 2022, 9:24 am

OceanRider wrote:

Chas V'shalom. We have to learn Torah. Torah has the answers.

In last week's parsha--and even this week's parsha, Hashem tests Avraham 10 times--to the point of asking him to sacrifice his own son to demonstrate his ultimate emunah in Hashem. That Hashem knows what's best for us. Hashem made a pact with Avraham that we would be slaves for a long time--and yet we came out with great wealth, just like the promise. Hashem promised that there would be 4 exiles--and there have been, we are in the last one.

I came to a powerful understanding this summer. The generation that came out of worst slavery--210 years of sheer misery, there were 10 plagues that defied nature, they witnessed Hashem in ALL of his glory by matan Torah, they went from the lowest levels of spirituality to the highest in 40 days. This same group, not only made a Golden Calf 40 days later, but rejected the man, and rejected the idea of going into the land of Israel. This generation had to die before being allowed to go into E"Y. It seems puzzling and totally "unfair" but what was happening is that when you have miracles thrust upon you like this generation witnessed, you become "forced" to believe, it's not done willingly. Hashem wanted Emunah to come from within. Thus, this generation couldn't go into E"Y, it had to die out and a generation with an inner understanding of Emunah in Hashem was able to go into E"Y. There had to be a buffer generation.

As awful as the Holocaust was, 1)I read in first hand account that the intermarriage in the 1930s was 7/10. 2) Even afterwards when the establishment of the State of Israel the anti-Religious Zionists thought that "learning Torah full-time" was a dying trade so they allowed it.

But look at Am Yisrael today. We have the "problem" of TOO many boys and men learning full time
Most of Tanach we see quite embarrassing behavior of Jews worshipping avoda zara. Killing other Jews. The time after the Chanuka story is quite embarrassing--Jews and corrupt sanhedrin, illegitimate kings/kohanim.

But still the important message is that despite our flaws, we are still here. Hashem still loves us as a people. Yes there have been so many tragedies in our history, but look at R' Akiva, went from a complete ignoramus at 40 to one of the biggest talmid chacham, to be tortured and killed by the Romans--and he RELISHED the experience to die "al kiddush Hashem".

It's not 613 ways to fail, sheva y'pol tzaddik v'KAM--a tzaddik makes mistakes, but he gets UP.

The generation of the holocaust experienced tremendous tragedies, but there are also many many stories of trust in Hashem, Emunah as they were about to be killed, trains that got derailed, many miracles of how Jews were saved.

When I was little, I used to think "At the very least, allow these people who suffered, to experience the coming of moshiach" and then I got a little bit sad that this generation is almost gone, but I feel like those who survived, are like the Dor Deiah, and for some reason they have to be gone before Moshiach can finally come.

Moshe asks Hashem the question of "Tzaddik V'ra lo"-- that it only appears that REshaim get good in this world, so that Hashem can give them all of their punishment in the next world.

We have the Ani Maamins--we trust and believe that there will be a moshiach and olam habah where it will be ALL good.

Through most of the galuyos it was mostly (not all) the intermarried and assimilated Jews that were the primary targets of our enemies. "If Jews don't make Kiddush, then Hashem will make havdala". We have to believe "Hinei lo yanum v'lo yishan shomer yisroel"--Hashem knows exactly who needs what and why individuals are targets.

The Chofetz Chaim said that this world is just a hallway to Olam Habah--where we will get our full reward.

But despite all the tragedies and hardships--the Jews have prevailed when SO many ancient nations are no longer here.