Put my kid on meds because he doesn't like to do worksheets?

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Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling

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amother

Wed, Nov 16 2022, 12:07 pm

DS 8 has always had a hard time in school, complaining that it's too long and boring. He does fine with his Rebbe. But once general studies comes around, he has no patience for all of the work. He's a very self-directed, creative kid and he has no interest in filling out math worksheets or sitting quietly while the other kids slowly read out loud from a boring book. He starts acting out and engaging in disruptive behaviors. The teacher has tried allowing him to take breaks when he feels he needs one, and modifying his workload, but it just seems like a bandaid; it's not really helping much. ADHD has been brought up, but he is completely fine at home and in kodesh class. I should put my kid on meds because he doesn't like to do worksheets? Switching schools is not an option. Theoretically, I could arrange for someone (or myself) to take him out for parts and give him private instruction, but is this a good long term solution? He has (at least) 10 years of schooling ahead of him and he needs to learn at some point how to work within the system.
Someone please tell me there's a better way.

Chayalle

Wed, Nov 16 2022, 12:15 pm

No opinion about meds here, but it's quite possible your child has ADHD. Sounds like he runs out of steam by the time the afternoon classes come along. He's fine in the morning because he's recharged by then (and it's also possible that those subjects interest him more), and he's fine at home because he isn't being made to sit and do focused work that he finds boring.

Putting treatment options aside, it's probably worth trying to find out what the underlying causes are, so you can best figure out how to help him. I've heard that there are also therapeutic methods for coping that a child can learn. Meds is not the only answer, but without diagnosing the issue, you are at square 1.

hodeez

Wed, Nov 16 2022, 12:21 pm

Don't drug your kid to make it easier for the teachers

amother

Royalblue

Wed, Nov 16 2022, 12:21 pm

I have been in a position where school officials threatened to force my child to take ADHD meds immediately or kick them out of school. My dr refused to give it saying there was nothing I had ever mentioned prior indicating anything that remotely made it necessary and the only thing he would do was recomend testing. We left that school, thank g-d. It was more like the teachers poor classroom management and a group of challenging kids together that were more difficult than they may have been on their own.

A reputable doctor will not prescribe medication unless its warranted. Testing that indicates need together with teacher and parent reporting is critical. If they find you someone who will prescribe the meds without properly ascertaining if its needed, you should report them.

amother

Blush

Wed, Nov 16 2022, 12:28 pm

How is he doing in other ways? Organization? Following multi step instruction? Working memory?

He could be very well behaved and still have other areas that he needs help with.

Its rarely just because the child hates doing worksheets.

That being said. Even if you do medicate it would likely run out by general studies time.

Giving him less work isn't the answer either. It's about giving him different ways to show he is learning.

amother

Magenta

Wed, Nov 16 2022, 12:30 pm

You can get him evaluated to see if it's really boredom or there's some other issue, or maybe he's fine and the teachers are not doing a good job with him.

watergirl

Wed, Nov 16 2022, 12:38 pm

Wife of a husband with ADHD and son with ADHD here. I first want to say, you can't just stam "put your kid on ADHD meds". A reasonable pediatrician won't just write the prescription without doing their due diligence with will include teacher and parent surveys and more. If he does not have ADHD, he won't get the meds.

But I'm not hearing ADHD or a lack of ability to focus from you, I'm hearing a child who just is not enjoying his class and not finding it to be worth his time to do the work. It seems like a behavior and attitude issue, not an attention issue. You said he is not interested in doing the work. No pill in the world can make someone do something they are not interested in doing. In this kind of situation, he will need to learn how to deal with it and do the stuff he doesn't want to do, because that's life, you know?

It's also of course possible that at 8, the day is too long for him. What time does he get out of school? My kids get out at 3:30 at that age and the longer day (until 4:30) starts in 4th grade (middle school is until 5:30). How long is the day for your son, including travel time to school? In this kind of situation, this is not ADHD, this is a child who has not yet developed and matured enough to be able to sit for so long and do what's expected of him. Is the school providing enough recess, breaks, and gym class? Is he eating the right food to give him the boost he needs for the afternoon?

I would get to the bottom of why he is having these issues. Behavior, attitude, or too long of a day for him... If the school is not changing, and you can not find a more appropriate school, the change has to come from you and your son.

behappy2

Wed, Nov 16 2022, 12:59 pm

What time is English? Mid day or late afternoon? Makes a big difference. If he's losing focus at 1:00 that's not so good. Losing focus at 3:00 or 4:00 makes sense.

amother

Magenta

Wed, Nov 16 2022, 1:02 pm

Sometimes a child is really bored and sometimes their boredom means they are having trouble for whatever reason. Sometimes a kid needs glasses or everything is too fast and that's why they can't focus. Sometimes it's the opposite, it's too easy and simple. Here's why an evaluation from a good practice makes a difference, you want to know if there's an issue to be fixed or it's just a kid being a kid.

amother

Cerulean

Wed, Nov 16 2022, 1:05 pm

amother OP wrote:

I think you already know the answer.

Seems like he's bright and bored. The solution is for the teachers to challenge him. Maybe he belongs a grade up? Would he be mature enough to do that?

amother

Periwinkle

Wed, Nov 16 2022, 1:13 pm

Just wanted to point out that my ADHD kids always did way better in the morning with a rebbi.
Rebbis work is mostly orally so if you're distracted for a few minutes, it's not a big deal. They repeat the chumash a whole bunch of times so a smart kid can know the material even if he doesn't pay attention the whole time.
English worksheet are harder to do, written work demands constant attention and efforts.
Google symptoms of adhd and you can figure out yourself if he has trouble in other areas.(smart kids are better at "managing" without meds even if they might do better with.)
You're obviously not "putting him on meds" because he can't do worksheets.

One of my children has adhd but managed without meds until mesivta because he had above average intelligence. Once schedule was more intense it was too hard for him.

You can tell your son that if he didn't do the worksheet in school, he'll have to do it for h.w at home.
No matter the reason you have to figure out why the rest of the class can do it and your son can't.

amother

Mauve

Wed, Nov 16 2022, 1:20 pm

amother OP wrote:

Theoretically, I could arrange for someone (or myself) to take him out for parts and give him private instruction, but is this a good long term solution? He has (at least) 10 years of schooling ahead of him and he needs to learn at some point how to work within the system.
Someone please tell me there's a better way.

Not every kid can learn to work within the system. That’s why our one size fits all school system is a problem.

amother

Clear

Wed, Nov 16 2022, 1:33 pm

hodeez wrote:

Don't drug your kid to make it easier for the teachers

This is a ridiculous trope. Not taking meds is Not some kind of big win. Is your goal to set your child up for success or failure? The school is telling you they are noticing an issue. The teacher has tried to come up with solutions. Why on earth not have your child evaluated so you can have a better understanding of him? Having a child who can function, concentrate and not have to constantly battle against distractions is good for the child!

amother

Purple

Wed, Nov 16 2022, 1:47 pm

hodeez wrote:

Don't drug your kid to make it easier for the teachers

No, but what about the child? He is acting out and being disruptive. Breaks and modifications were attempted.

Not saying he needs meds or not, but I wouldn't rule it out. this is not for the teachers, it's for himself.

amother

Red

Wed, Nov 16 2022, 1:48 pm

You can try the meds, see if there is a significant change, and if there isn’t, you can stop the meds.

amother

Nemesia

Wed, Nov 16 2022, 1:57 pm

amother OP wrote:

Have you actually gotten him evaluated and heard that he’s fine, or are you just denying his issues?

amother

Cappuccino

Wed, Nov 16 2022, 1:58 pm

OP how would you like to deal with you son’s challenges?

hodeez

Wed, Nov 16 2022, 2:06 pm

amother Clear wrote:

Why do we have to jump straight to meds? Why not try to get him a seit and more help? I just think everyone jumps to drugs straight away because it's the easy way out. Exhaust all other options first, that's all I'm saying.

amother

Magenta

Wed, Nov 16 2022, 2:11 pm

Meds can have long term consequences, it should always be the last option. Usually CBT is as effective as medication. Also someone suggesting meds without even considering anything else is plain lazy and irresponsible.

amother

Celeste

Wed, Nov 16 2022, 3:16 pm

Tell the teacher he's bored because he's ahead of the class and ask for him to be given more challenging assignments like reading a harder book (to himself) while the rest of the class does standard reading. I well recall how excruciating it was for me, a strong reader who read the entire reader the first week of school, to sit in class listening to weaker children break their teeth and mangle the language. (Esp. since I'd already read the stories at home.)

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