Should an adult child living at home contribute financially?

amother

Periwinkle

Wed, Nov 16 2022, 2:26 pm

I’d it’s too hard financial wise they need to cover more. They can buy their own toiletries and either their own food or contribute towards the food.

chestnut

Wed, Nov 16 2022, 2:28 pm

amother Gardenia wrote:

Ofc the parents shouldnt come out ahead if their adult, working child lives at home. That fact shouldnt be a money maker for them. But they shouldn't lose out financially either. They've done their duty and more. The dc is 25 for goodness sake.

The child is paying for his own expenses and saving vs spending all his money. There's absolutely nothing wrong with not asking him to contribute to rent/mortgage, unless the family really struggles

amother

Gardenia

Wed, Nov 16 2022, 2:28 pm

amother Periwinkle wrote:

I’d it’s too hard financial wise they need to cover more. They can buy their own toiletries and either their own food or contribute towards the food.

Why should they only pay for their own food and toiletries if it is a hardship to the parents if they dont? The kid has many many more years of earning money. He is taking advantage of the parents whether or not they let him get away with it.

amother

Wed, Nov 16 2022, 2:29 pm

amother Gardenia wrote:

It's not the parents responsibility to pay towards their dc's house. And that is what is happening here.

Yes, the only reason DC has amassed a nice amount of savings (I think around 200k; possibly more -- I didn't ask) is due to working for several years while living at home. I am happy for DC but I feel it would be more fair to contribute towards the family expenses, especially when you see that your parents are not having an easy time.

amother

Thistle

Wed, Nov 16 2022, 2:30 pm

U run the risk of your child leaving to find his own apartment.
Then there’ll be no help for your household plus he’ll be wasting his own down payment money.

amother

Gardenia

Wed, Nov 16 2022, 2:31 pm

chestnut wrote:

The child is paying for his own expenses and saving vs spending all his money. There's absolutely nothing wrong with not asking him to contribute to rent/mortgage, unless the family really struggles

I specifically said the dc should pay for the expenses he is incurring. The rent/mortgage is the same for the parents whether or not the kid lives there. But the variable expenses: food, toiletries, clothing etc.. dc should pay for what he uses. He will still be saving a lot more than the friends who have their own apartments. No need to take advantage of his parents as well.

amother

Gardenia

Wed, Nov 16 2022, 2:32 pm

amother Thistle wrote:

U run the risk of your child leaving to find his own apartment.
Then there’ll be no help for your household plus he’ll be wasting his own down payment money.

HUH?
The kid is using more than he is paying for. If he left, the parents would save money.
He already saved 200K!

#BestBubby

Wed, Nov 16 2022, 2:33 pm

If you absolutely cannot make ends meet, you can ask for some rent.

But then your DC would probably move out.

In general, I would ask for payment in order to
Give back to child for down-payment of house, if child is big spender and doesn't save for future on
Their own.

amother

Gardenia

Wed, Nov 16 2022, 2:33 pm

amother OP wrote:

200K!! Time to move out unless he wants to put a down payment on one of Obama's mansions.

amother

Gardenia

Wed, Nov 16 2022, 2:34 pm

amother OP wrote:

I think something else may be going on here. You dont need more than 200K for a down payment. Is he afraid to move out?

amother

Gardenia

Wed, Nov 16 2022, 2:35 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

The dc should move out and get independent. No down side here.

YounginBP

Wed, Nov 16 2022, 2:36 pm

amother Gardenia wrote:

I think something else may be going on here. You dont need more than 200K for a down payment. Is he afraid to move out?

In Brooklyn you do.

We don't know where OP lives.

amother

Wed, Nov 16 2022, 2:37 pm

amother Gardenia wrote:

I think something else may be going on here. You dont need more than 200K for a down payment. Is he afraid to move out?

Staying at home means DC can save even more and not have to start paying a mortgage, utility bills, own food. Also, it is not very acceptable in our circles for a single child to move completely on their own (not as part of one of the single communities).

amother

Gardenia

Wed, Nov 16 2022, 2:39 pm

YounginBP wrote:

In Brooklyn you do.

We don't know where OP lives.

You don't live in one of the most expensive places around on the back of your parents.

amother

Gardenia

Wed, Nov 16 2022, 2:41 pm

amother OP wrote:

Sorry. It's not called SAVING if your parents then foot a bill you are perfectly capable of footing yourself. It's called TAKING ADVANTAGE and you are letting yourself be taken advantage of.

You are making it sound like he devised a strategy that no one else had ever thought of. Others don't do it because it's wrong. The fact that you are his parent doesnt mean it's ok.

amother

Gardenia

Wed, Nov 16 2022, 2:43 pm

amother OP wrote:

Your dc is 25. That is a full adult. Not even a young adult. At what age is it acceptable? 30?

amother

Clear

Wed, Nov 16 2022, 2:45 pm

No, you should not charge your child rent because your income went down. It seems like this child is already paying for most of their own clothes and any extras.

25 is an adult so you should have an open conversation along the lines of “DC, you know inflation is rough right now and my industry has taken a hit. While you’re still apart of the household, would you be able to chip in for some household expenses ie groceries once a month, 10% of utilities, or a 1x loan to help out a bit”

Definitely do not start charging out of nowhere without warning for something that was a given for the last 25 years unless you want to risk your relationship with this child

Editing to add that this is my perspective as a 26 year old who moved out of my parents house at 18 while still single with no savings

amother

Wed, Nov 16 2022, 2:46 pm

amother Gardenia wrote:

I was not saying it is OK...I started this post because it did not sit well with me, and I suspect it is not OK...However, I stated it in a neutral way, explaining his perspective, as I am trying to become less judgmental about it, and see things from his point of view. I am also trying to gain perspective from different vantage point, as some people do think it is wrong to ask a single child to help out financially. DH belongs to that camp too, and I am trying to decide how I feel about it.

amother

Brunette

Wed, Nov 16 2022, 2:51 pm

Personally, I feel it's wrong to have a single child help out financially just because they're not married. If you're really in dire straits, you can ask. Some of my siblings got married later like between the ages of 25 and 33. They used to buy their own clothing, toiletries, etc. If they went out to eat with friends they paid for that but for general household stuff it was on my parents not on them.

amother

PlumPink

Wed, Nov 16 2022, 3:10 pm

Short answer: Yes. They should pay for all their own expenses and contribute monthly to household. If parents paid for their education, they should contribute extra.