Scared to get used to higher standard of living

amother

Thu, Nov 17 2022, 12:04 pm

Dh BH makes a very decent living.
I work, but it’s not financially necessary for me to do so.
I have cleaning help once a week for a few hours, but I can definitely afford more-and definitely need it.

I’m so scared that our financial situation won’t be this way forever, and I’m too nervous to become accustomed to more help or to working less (or not at all).

Can anyone relate? Am I being too cautious or am I being responsible?

amother

Tomato

Thu, Nov 17 2022, 12:08 pm

We are always waiting for the other shoe to drop huh? I think you should do the following.

"Thank you Hashem for providing me with my needs and more. Thank you for all your goodness. I appreciate it and I am happy to make use of all the good I have. I know it is a free gift from you. Please let me enjoy it always in good health. Please help me to maintain and even improve so I can help others as well."

Then enjoy all the extra comfort and convenience you have been given. And use it!

ShishKabob

Thu, Nov 17 2022, 12:08 pm

You should live responsibly and not extravagant. There's a middle way between being extra frugal when you don't need to and splurging on luxury items.
If Hashem bentched you with parnossa you should use it for what you need and thank him every day for it. That's usually a good way of ensuring that you will have what you need.
Lots of hatzlocha!

Persevere

Thu, Nov 17 2022, 12:18 pm

Baruch Hashem!
Now is when you need more cleaning help. Adding another 1-2 days per week is not a huge change and isn't considered extravagant.
It will allow you to be a calmer and happier wife and mother. Your salary alone probably pays for all the cleaning help Smile

Worst case scenario you end up going broke and needing to cancel your cleaning help, you'll readjust then.

amother

Begonia

Thu, Nov 17 2022, 12:19 pm

Reminds me of my dad. Would count every penny that he unfortunately had to spend on food or clothes, wouldn’t spend one extra cent on anything, and he has too much money to keep track. He has real estate stocks investments a successful business and he lives like a pauper because “you can never know”.

Don’t worry about what “might” happen. You can save money for a rainy day but if there’s anything you need or want within reasonable limits and are able to afford it, don’t torture yourself.

Appreciate your blessings.

amother

Snowflake

Thu, Nov 17 2022, 1:04 pm

On the one hand, money exists to make life easier, for you and for those who you can help. So it makes sense to spend on things that make life more pleasant.

On the other hand, luxuries can very quickly become necessities. Even if you can dial back when necessary, your kids may not be able to make the shift.

So, assuming that you keep an eye on modesty and on how much you can genuinely afford (do you have a cushion of 6 months of liquid assets, are you putting away money for retirement etc) let yourself enjoy your brachos.

amother

Lightyellow

Thu, Nov 17 2022, 1:20 pm

I hear what you're saying but there is a middle road.

Bh I just upped my cleaning lady to a second day a week because I needed it. Technically I can afford more but we are doing just fine on the twice a week vs the once a week we had before. It made a HUGE difference in my house. I am more calm, because everything is cleared up normally after shabbos, I can cook supper normally without working in a flying kitchen.

If I have to one day I can go back to one day cleaning help or even no cleaning help like I used to have (at that point it was by choice even though we were able to afford it) but at this point I can afford it and it's working out so why not make life easier.

amother

Pansy

Thu, Nov 17 2022, 2:28 pm

I actually think that it is totally fine use tyour money this way

As long as you can genuinely afford it ( saving to marry of your kids/ colleges/ retirement), I think that you doo what works now and if things change you'll make a change.

That's also the point of 6 months of living expenses, to give yourself the buffer to make the changes you need to make.

What is not a kdai is to start living an extravagant lifestyle as that is very hard for kids to adjust to when they cant afford to live the way you brought them up (unless dh is making so much that you can afford to fund your kids luxuries) more cleaning help and working less is fine...

amother

Cantaloupe

Fri, Nov 18 2022, 4:02 am

I had to cut my cleaning help for a couple of years while we went through a temporary rough patch. When we recovered financially I increased the hours again.
A lot of other things had to go as well. That's life. I didn't stay at that standard of living after we recovered. Those were hard times and BH now we are much better.

Don't worry about getting used to it. If you ever have to go down to less help, you'll be fine.

amother

Gladiolus

Fri, Nov 18 2022, 4:26 am

I am cheap.

I don't go for luxuries, even some that are considered "normal" in today's world. I don't wear a sheitel daily, just on Shabbos, so my current one is more than a decade old and I don't plan on replacing it anytime soon. I buy food on sale and am sparing with more expensive foods (e.g., meat and fish), splurging on them for yom tov and occasionally on Shabbos. I don't buy things "just because" and really think long and hard about whether I need them. I own one pair of sneakers, one pair of "everyday" shoes, and one pair of Shabbos shoes. They each cost less than 50 bucks and last at least a year, usually more like 3 years.

That's just background.

But as much as we believe in the importance of living simply, I will spend money if we can afford it on things that improve our actual quality of life. Especially as a busy mother, if there's something I can buy that will allow me to spend more time with my kids, and I can afford it, I will spend it. That includes cleaning help -- once a week right now, since that's what we could afford. If I could easily afford more, I would 100% spend on it, assuming that it would mean I could spend more of my TIME, which is valuable too, doing something more important.

Working fewer hours would be another example of this. If working this many hours brings you fulfillment, makes you a better mother or wife or friend or eved Hashem or whatever, then obviously keep on working. If it's helpful to others and you want to keep on doing it as a chessed (even if you're getting paid), that's great. But at the end of the day, working is in order to make money, if there are no other benefits that outweigh the time you spend working. So if you don't need the money, and you really feel that you would be able to access high-priority activities if you had less work, or it would make you a better mother/wife/friend/person to cut down your hours, please do it. Working for the sake of working is counterproductive.

PinkFridge

Fri, Nov 18 2022, 9:22 am

Get the help you need.
If you have kids, make sure they don't get lazy and learn basic skills. Not because the other shoe may drop and they might have do these things but because it's good for them.
Use your resources well. That's not just re tzedaka and more, but taking care of yourself so you can help others effectively and have a smoothly running home so your husband can continue doing what he's doing.

amother

Lightcyan

Fri, Nov 18 2022, 9:47 am

amother Tomato wrote: