When asking neigbors to host OOT guests for a simcha...

amother

Mon, Nov 28 2022, 8:21 am

I know many people buy a hostess gift for the hosts. Is this considered a nice gesture, though not mandatory? Or is it considered bad manners NOT to buy a gift?

Also, what kind of gift can I send that shows appreciation but won't break the bank?

amother

DarkViolet

Mon, Nov 28 2022, 8:22 am

amother OP wrote:

I think it’s the accepted thing
A diffuser - I’ve gotten a few lately - target sells for cheap

Chayalle

Mon, Nov 28 2022, 8:30 am

I've gotten all sorts of gifts for hosting. Most popular:
*decorative havdalah candles
*all sorts of bowls and trays

I actually like the Havdalah candles. We use them.

ETA it does seem to be the "done" thing but personally I wish it wasn't (and I'm perfectly fine not getting a gift). I don't host for gifts and I wish Baale Simcha didn't feel pressured to spend extra $$ on them. And sometimes it is so useless and I feel bad. Like I once got a set of heart-shaped measuring spoons. I mean, I wish they'd just save themselves the hassle and expense. It's okay! If I can, I'm happy to host!

Last edited by Chayalle on Mon, Nov 28 2022, 8:35 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Mon, Nov 28 2022, 8:33 am

Chayalle wrote:

I've gotten all sorts of gifts for hosting. Most popular:
*decorative havdalah candles
*all sorts of bowls and trays

I actually like the Havdalah candles. We use them.

Thanks. What kind of havdala candle? where would I buy that?

singleagain

Mon, Nov 28 2022, 8:34 am

If you are anticipating havening many hosts. Get a box set

The Dreidel Company Havdalah Candle Handcrafted Havdala Candle (Multi Color Red/White/Blue, 12-Pack) https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07G.....ss_tl

Chayalle

Mon, Nov 28 2022, 8:37 am

amother OP wrote:

Thanks. What kind of havdala candle? where would I buy that?

I've gotten ones that are self-standing. No idea where they buy them and I hope they aren't costly. They are useful. I haven't bought one in years....and we use it every week.....

amother

Wallflower

Mon, Nov 28 2022, 8:38 am

We have received the following as hostess gifts, all of which have been appreciated:

Candy/chocolate platters
Travel Hadlakas Neiros (so nice to have when extra people are lighting in your house)
Serving platters and other dishes. My favorite are dip holders.
Netilas Yadayim towels

I do think it is a necessity and does not have to be expensive. If you don't have a local gifts/Judaica store, you can find something at Home Goods or a similar store for a reasonable price.

amother

Mon, Nov 28 2022, 8:40 am

Chayalle wrote:

I've gotten ones that are self-standing. No idea where they buy them and I hope they aren't costly. They are useful. I haven't bought one in years....and we use it every week.....

My daughter recently received a gift from the school she teaches at. It was a silver havdala candle with the letter "B" printed on it (for her last name), and it came with a clip so it could be self standing. That was actually really nice. no idea where they got it from.

singleagain

Mon, Nov 28 2022, 8:41 am

I work in a kosher grocery store and We sell regular skinny havdalla candles and self-standing ones... The self-standing ones are more expensive because of all the extra wax they use to make a base

Look on Amazon though. You can find stuff or even contact the company directly if you need a bunch. They usually come in a case of 12 or 24. They might be willing to sell you a full case a little cheaper than it would be in a store

amother

DarkCyan

Mon, Nov 28 2022, 8:47 am

I like to buy a book from the Judaica store which can be exchanged. Like the newest Rabbi Krohn book of stories or something similar. I just hosted and received a new Sefer on the parsha which was nice!

amother

Blonde

Mon, Nov 28 2022, 8:54 am

I don't know if it's necessarily mandatory. I made a kiddush for my newborn baby a few years ago and I can't remember whether I sent hostess gifts. I certainly didn't have the presence of mind a few days after birth and neither did dh. I probably didn't send but I can't remember.
I hosted for a neighbor and they sent a cute little plant. Nice but totally unnecessary.
If I go to someone I'll usually take along some kind of chocolate gift.
I feel like when gifts become mandatory they lose their value
I don't get hosts that are insulted if they don't get a gift. Something's missing there.

Chayalle

Mon, Nov 28 2022, 8:56 am

amother Blonde wrote:

I feel like when gifts become mandatory they lose their value
I don't get hosts that are insulted if they don't get a gift. Something's missing there.

I feel the same way.

Chayalle

Mon, Nov 28 2022, 8:57 am

amother Tiffanyblue wrote:

I delicious homemade bundt cake is always enjoyed.

When I am a guest, I give my signature Babka bundt, and I always get comments about it being enjoyed.

But when I make a Simcha B"EH, not sure I will have the time and energy to bake that many babkas to give all the hosts.

ruchelbuckle

Mon, Nov 28 2022, 9:19 am

Quote:

ETA it does seem to be the "done" thing but personally I wish it wasn't (and I'm perfectly fine not getting a gift). I don't host for gifts and I wish Baale Simcha didn't feel pressured to spend extra $$ on them. And sometimes it is so useless and I feel bad. Like I once got a set of heart-shaped measuring spoons. I mean, I wish they'd just save themselves the hassle and expense. It's okay! If I can, I'm happy to host!

I agree! I sometimes get a totally useless gifts. Like I once got a plant that I had no where to put. It think one of my clumsy kids knocked it over within 24 hours. Please, save your time, money, and energy. I am happy to participate in your simcha by hosting your out of town guests. Your present to me is giving me the opportunity to do the mitzvah. If it's too hard for me, I will let you know.

And I totally get that if you are making a simcha and have a lot of other expenses, it might be too expensive to send over a useful, tasteful hostess gift.

flowerpower

Mon, Nov 28 2022, 9:36 am

I always wonder who gives the gift? The one staying there or the one that got the apartment for them for their simcha?

From my many experiences of hosting strangers- I usually get from the ones sleeping there. A nice verbal thank you is enough for me. I don’t appreciate gifts. The best is chocolate or something to that affect. For $10 or so the person shows appreciation and I am not stuck with an extra junk in the house.

LittleDucky

Mon, Nov 28 2022, 9:40 am

No gift you ever get will be perfect for anyone. Someone will find a way to complain about anything you give except maybe cash. But then again, I don't want to feel like an AirBnB so there you go!
I don't have space to host people but wish I did. If I would host, if I could host, I wouldn't do it for a gift. (Starting to sound like Green Eggs and Ham here. Would I, could I? Not on my couch, not on my floor. No room behind this door! ). I would do it to participate in your Simcha, because we are friends, and because I hope that you or someone else would help me when I IYH make one. (Not that you would be required to help me when I need it. Just that it is part of being in a social society).

But yes, a gift is part of the socially accepted norms for hosting. Others expect it. It can be small, not perishable, so it can be prepped in advance. Bottle of wine/sparkling grape juice, candy, pretty hand soaps, a new Nitilas Yidayim towel, toy for the kids, sefer...

LittleMissMama

Mon, Nov 28 2022, 9:41 am

I think elaborate gifts are obnoxious. They show wealth, not appreciation.

Something very small ($5-8 range....maybe those small inexpensive bouquets from Trader Joe's and add a beautiful bow in the simcha's colors) with a nice hand written card is more my thing.

Last edited by LittleMissMama on Mon, Nov 28 2022, 9:43 am; edited 1 time in total

taketwo

Mon, Nov 28 2022, 9:42 am

flowerpower wrote:

I was going to say this. When someone puts me up for a simcha I usually bring a little something as a token of appreciation.

amother

Chocolate

Mon, Nov 28 2022, 9:43 am

LittleMissMama wrote:

I think elaborate gifts are obnoxious. They show wealth, not appreciation.

Something very small ($5 rang) with a nice hand written card is more my thing.

Completely disagree!
It shows gratitude and buying what you can afford.
It’s never obnoxious to show appreciation!
Personally, I’d rather just a card than a $5 junk to it.