How can a high school girl miss school?

amother

Sun, Dec 04 2022, 5:46 am

There’s so much pressure, tests.. they are lost if they miss a class.
My daughter has a very hard time with keeping up and she cares a lot.
What happens if she’s sick? She’ll be lost for the rest of the term!
She missed half of one period last week ( I think it was for play practice) and had to borrow someone’s notes and doesn’t understand them and now feels so lost in that subject.
Dh wants to take her away for 2-3 days because she’s so stressed since she started high school. He’s afraid she’ll just collapse at some point. Dd refuses to miss school but agrees that the idea of going away sounds fun.
What should we do? Will it be like this for the next four years??? How do people go to abroad or take their high school girls out of school?

amother

Carnation

Sun, Dec 04 2022, 6:37 am

That sounds awful. Maybe she shouldn't be in this kind of environment? Is there a hanhala member you can speak to about the experience she's having? It's not healthy for a teen to live like this

amother

Anemone

Sun, Dec 04 2022, 6:49 am

Without the overall stress level, I would not pull a high school girl out for three days to relax her, particularly not a ninth grader. Plan a day trip for her in a Sunday, or something for Motzai Shabbos, or send her to relatives from Friday after school until midday Sunday. Honestly, a weekly outing with a parent on Motzai or Sunday would probably be the best thing for her. Offer if she wants to send her with a friend instead sometimes.

Her stress level is high, but not unusual at this point- high level of normal. Have her ask her friend to explain the notes, or have her get 2 sets when she misses.look into speaking to someone at school (mechaneches, guidance counselor) about managing her workload and the classes she is in. But it's not weird to not want to miss three days.

amother

Forsythia

Sun, Dec 04 2022, 8:51 am

amother Dimgray wrote:

If she's under so much stress that she might collapse, then she's in the wrong school. It's not supposed to be this way. It's hard yes, but not to the point that you're describing.

A general question, why does school have to be hard?

amother

Blonde

Sun, Dec 04 2022, 9:07 am

amother Forsythia wrote:

A general question, why does school have to be hard?

Some schools are more academic than others.
Some kids are more "natural students" than others.
There is no one generalization that fits all.
All that said, there's a big difference between letting a kid take a mental health day now and then or miss school for 1 Friday so you can go away for the weekend, and with taking several days off in a row. Most people who take a big trip with their kids (especially if it's "abroad" which would involve extended travel time and jet lag when you get back) do it during a scheduled vacation time. It's going to be an unexcused absence otherwise, plus a lot of make up work, even in a less academic school. Not just high school, also in elem.

sequoia

Sun, Dec 04 2022, 9:23 am

I went to a private secular high school where we did the IB Program, which is supposed to be quite rigorous, and I don’t remember anything like this level of stress. It was more the bulk of reading/essays/lab reports, not literally feeling lost if you missed a day.

I’m assuming all this stress is in Judaic subjects, where you have the added difficulty of Hebrew. Am I right?

keeptrying

Sun, Dec 04 2022, 9:55 am

Unfortunately, lots of our girls experience high stress and pressure by the vigorous academic curriculum many basis yaakovs have. In turn, it teaches girls to have a perfectionist attitude towards life. I am not a fan and I hope that they soon realize that it is getting to much for girls.

keeptrying

Sun, Dec 04 2022, 9:59 am

sequoia wrote:

No, not in my experience. I went to a high level academic bais yaakov, and the English subjects were very rigorous. I found myself bored in college during microbiology 211, because we learned most of it in 10th grade biology. I know that many bais yaakovs are becoming increasingly academic.

Chayalle

Sun, Dec 04 2022, 10:17 am

I feel like I'm missing something with all these stress posts. My ninth grader was a bit stressed out the week of November testing, but other than that, basically comes home with no work at all. Here and there, some homework assignment that takes 20 minutes tops. Personality thing?

But we wouldn't purposely miss school (which you have to get special permission for in some schools, BTW). And she's a serious note-taker, and prefers her own to someone else's.

amother

Cognac

Sun, Dec 04 2022, 10:19 am

Chayalle wrote:

Iirc, your girls go to Bais Kaila, no?
Most lkwd schools have a lot more pressure.
Not that I'm saying the level op is talking about is ok.
But BK is definitely on the lower end of stress. (And it's a good thing!)

amother

Anemone

Sun, Dec 04 2022, 10:20 am

sequoia wrote:

I think it's more likely related to learning style. If you can learn well by reading, then there's a lot of work but you can do it at your own oace as necessary. If you need to hear it and be in class environment, missing class becomes very hard. Also, today's highschoolers who learn this way are still reeling from learning nothing during lockdown on Zoom or phones, so it panics a lot of them instead of just making them nervous.

Also, some kids organize their work better than others. I don't know how long ago you were in IB, but these girls have about 15 classes to keep track of in high school. Ninth grade is a big adjustment for them, because middle school isn't like that. And the high schools do put a huge emphasis on not missing class unnecessarily or for too long.

amother

Ginger

Sun, Dec 04 2022, 10:29 am

amother Cognac wrote:

Agree with this.
While my daughter is not necessarily 'stressed' she does have to do homework every night for more than 20 minutes and so did I when I was in high school and I found school really easy.
I don't think it's typical for most girls not to have to do homework in most high schools in Lakewood, bais kaila and maybe one more being the exception.

amother

Anemone

Sun, Dec 04 2022, 10:34 am

amother Ginger wrote:

I don't live in Lakewood; I'm OOT. My girls are in JPF and Bais Yaakov schools, at various levels. One to three hours of work a night are normal, and then you have extracurriculars and chesed. I went to an MO school growing up, with just nine classes, and I had the same workload, though much easier to organize. It's not a Lakewood thing- it just is, in many many schools.

amother

Dimgray

Sun, Dec 04 2022, 10:43 am

amother Ginger wrote:

My young elementary girls have homework for more than 20 minutes.....

amother

Anemone

Sun, Dec 04 2022, 10:44 am

Also, because of the Yom Tov schedule this year, the schools seem to have said to themselves, "Cool, we have time to actually really teach before yom tov this year," and gave real work. And then the girls had off and came back and walked straight into November testing. It's starting to taper off now, which should help a bit to catch their breath.

Chayalle

Sun, Dec 04 2022, 11:06 am

amother Dimgray wrote:

My young elementary girls have homework for more than 20 minutes.....

Really? My girls went to Bais Faiga and except for a test night, it was a couple of minutes of Kriah and Chumash, pretty much. Definitely not more than 20 minutes.

amother

Forsythia

Sun, Dec 04 2022, 11:09 am

Shouldn't 20 minutes of homework be the maximum? Why is it that there are 7 teachers per day and everyone feels entitled to give 20 minute homework assignments. It's really not fair. The girls sit in school from 9 a.m. till 4:40 p.m. (Or longer) . so when they come home they should have some time for themselves and to help around the house if needed. Not be locked in their room with tons of homework.
My boys never have homework. They are tested for their work which is the rebbi's job to teach them. The boys generally don't need to study at home to know the tests.