Interesting psak I heard today.

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Forum -> Judaism -> Halachic Questions and Discussions

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miriamnechama

Thu, Jun 05 2008, 6:45 am

My sil's sister, just lost her husband and is sitting shiva,

here's eh catch and story, this is her second marriage,

she was married once, waited 12 years to have a child, bore one son who turned bar mitzva last year, got devorced and married this rav who was now niftar. from him she had another 3 all who are too young to sit.

BUT teh eldest boy has to sit shiva, even though he wasn't his real father. I'm not sure how old he was when his mother remarried, if he was adopted by the new father or what teh story is.

he's sitting with teh current leolver rebbe, but he's not saying kaddish, and may have no more other inyan of aveilus.

why ten does he have to sit??

when my foster mother passed away 4 years ago, I have no shivca no nothing.. in some ways it's also much harder that way and I grew up by her for quite some time.

so what's going on here? can someone please explain why there is such a psak??

grin

Thu, Jun 05 2008, 6:48 am

never heard of this before

catonmylap

Thu, Jun 05 2008, 7:20 am

Does he want to?

I would think that if he feels connected and really feel the loss, it is easier to sit than not. I don't see how you can be "over" anything if you sit shiva if you aren't obligated too. I would think on the contrary if you were very close to the niftar, it would help you psychologically get over the loss.

And I can see in that case, why it would be a problem for him to say kaddish because both of his parents are still alive.

I would think though that the younger kids could say kaddish if they are able to since the whole original point of kaddish were for those who are minors and cannot lead davening.

miriamnechama

Thu, Jun 05 2008, 7:35 am

cat that's just what happened to me.. I wanted to be with teh familly, but things just didn't work out, plus I was told not to sit.... unfortuanately, I never really got over it.

zufriedene

Mon, Jun 16 2008, 5:20 pm

I'm sorry for your pain, bereavement just goes on and on if its not tackled professionally. get help, work this thru, otherwise you have flash backs, guilt ridden feelings, frustrations ,maybe even dreams. u owe it to yourself. clear up uld bygones and get on with life!! hamakom yenachem osuch! if you're still mourning I wish u HKBH should console u. hope u heal soon.

SingALong

Mon, Jun 16 2008, 8:21 pm

I think that every situation is different and needs to be judged by its case. for example:
a friend of mine is a giyoress and her mother was a giyoress too. (she converted a few years after her mom did.) so halachically, they are not related.
her mom passed away and she was told to keep some things of shivah but some not. it was more for her feelings and being able to mourn than actual shivah I guess.
so I guess each case needs to be judged based on teh relationship and the situation

flowerpower

Mon, Jun 16 2008, 8:23 pm

Each case to its own.

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