If your mother worked full time...

amother

Honeydew

Mon, Dec 05 2022, 7:56 pm

amother Stonewash wrote:

I didn’t resent that she worked. I resented that she didn’t get a babysitter to stay with me when I got home and I had to stay in the house by myself and I was terrified. She justified it by saying it was only an hour.

Were you really young? I used to love being on my own in the house when I was young. Made me feel all grown up!

amother

Beige

Mon, Dec 05 2022, 8:15 pm

I never resented it but I was a little envious of my friends with moms that chaperoned class trips and ran the bake sales in elementary school. By middle school I was over it and embarrassed when my mom took off and came on an overnight school trip.

My mom is a great mom and she was there for us as kids even though she worked--she made dinner every night, helped with homework and projects, went shopping on her lunch break for whatever last minute thing we needed for school.

I've always been proud of her for working and I don't think I ever wished she had stayed home.

amother

Vermilion

Mon, Dec 05 2022, 8:23 pm

amother Goldenrod wrote:

I hated it. She woke us up early and rushed us to get to the bus stop and she ran to catch the train. We had a full time housekeeper who waited for us after school, cooked supper and did our homework, gave us baths/ showers and got us ready for bed. She would come home when we were in bed already. She was always irritated and exhausted. Shabbos she slept all day and Sunday she did all her errands while we stayed home. So we basically grew up without a mother. My father was also working full time. And he made enough for us to live comfortably, so her working wasn’t necessary.

How do you know that? Maybe it was your mothers salary that kept you comfortable.

CatLady

Mon, Dec 05 2022, 8:46 pm

There was an important option missing: “I was proud “. My mother was the only one in the group of my friends’ moms with a post secondary education and a career as a medical professional and I was immensely proud and happy to have such an excellent role model. She really was ahead of her time.

amother

DarkGray

Mon, Dec 05 2022, 9:03 pm

My parents divorced when I was 11. My mother had to go from being a SAHM to working full time and going to school weekends and evenings. It was hard for me. The entire household responsibilities fell on my shoulders. In the beginning , my mother didn’t coordinate things properly that we were locked out of the house for a few hours until she came home. My siblings would cry because they needed the bathroom and they ended up making in their pants while waiting. After this happened a few times she got a combination lock to let ourselves into the house.
I had to figure out supper on my own. Often there were no staples in the house to make a meal out of. I had nobody to talk to after school. By the time she came home she was too overwhelmed to deal with the youngsters , let alone with me.
Our house was always a wreck , but she was against the idea of having cleaning help, she saw it as an unnecessary luxury.
I work full time. I always worked part time until recently. I am seeing how I’m unable to be present even though I work from home a lot. I’m too tired by the time the day is done. I don’t have a choice right now. My sister keeps trying to get me to go back to school, but after what I had to endure while my mother went to school and worked , I can’t bear to do that to my kids. I’m very aware though that my kids could have my emotional presence more in a daily basis. I give it to them on the weekends , but they deserve more than that. I’m their mother.

amother

Amethyst

Mon, Dec 05 2022, 9:16 pm

I was always proud of my mother for working. I looked at my friends’ mothers, to my childhood mind it seemed they just stayed home and didn’t do much, whereas my mother worked full time, plus managed everything. She was and is an excellent mother, always making great suppers, taking the time to spend with us and always being there for us when we needed her. I don’t feel I lost out on anything.

In my personal life, I work from home and am so grateful I can be home with my babies and children. I feel that it must have been hard for my mother, and she missed out on quite a bit, but from our perspective, since she took good care of us and was very present when she was with us, I don’t think we missed out.

Reflecting now, I think it was important that even though I was the oldest, she didn’t rely on me for much help and made arrangements to take care of things (babysitting, cooking, shopping, etc). If the brunt of the workload fell on my shoulders I could see feeling resentful.

Still so proud of her! She worked because she had to and was/is a great and present mother. I think all my siblings would agree.

I hope that this gives some working mothers chizuk 😊

amother

Goldenrod

Mon, Dec 05 2022, 9:22 pm

amother Vermilion wrote:

How do you know that? Maybe it was your mothers salary that kept you comfortable.

Because I knew, they were open about it, we were rich and they always said they could live comfortably on his salary. And now as an adult I know even more and he was making enough. Why are you questioning me?

amother

Lightpink

Mon, Dec 05 2022, 9:34 pm

amother DarkGray wrote:

This is heartbreaking. I’m so sorry.

amother

Babyblue

Mon, Dec 05 2022, 10:21 pm

I never resented it. It was a way of life. But I'm the youngest, and I always came home with older siblings. Supper was always ready in the fridge, with instructions on how to heat it up. My mother always seemed on top of things BH. And when she was home, she was very present.

I wish I was half as organized as my mother. I work very part time. And everything is always flying.

ImmaBubby

Mon, Dec 05 2022, 10:23 pm

amother Tan wrote:

My mother did not work and was never present. Always on the phone when I came home from school.
My MIL always worked and is still working. My DH was never resentful about it, he says his life was more colorful.

THIS!!
Working or not working has nothing to do with parents being present and mindful!

#BestBubby

Mon, Dec 05 2022, 11:07 pm

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

I am with BestBubby on his one. Why resentment only towards the mother? What about fathers? Are they exempted?
Why is it that women are women's toughest enemy?

Not exactly.

My point was there should be no resentment toward either parent if it was necessary for both parents to work full time.

It's tough but it's not anybody fault.

imorethanamother

Mon, Dec 05 2022, 11:17 pm

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

I am with BestBubby on his one. Why resentment only towards the mother? What about fathers? Are they exempted?
Why is it that women are women's toughest enemy?

I agree. Also my mother always stressed how wonderful it was for a woman to have money of her own. I was too young to understand what I now understand as an adult. A woman earning her own money meant power.

My mother always worked hard and aside from one horrible babysitter, I never resented it or her. It was about survival, it wasn’t my mother getting her nails done or going away on vacation with her friends.

I work too. I’ve been at demanding jobs and at not so demanding jobs, but I love working.

amother

Snow

Mon, Dec 05 2022, 11:30 pm

My mother worked FT. It was a given. Never something to be resentful of.
To me it was as natural as kids going to school. I never thought to be resentful of school because somebody far away homeschools...
But she was a horrible mother for other reasons and if she had been a sahm that would have made no difference.