S/o Funny mistakes new Olim (or visitors) make

shabbatiscoming

Sun, Dec 11 2022, 4:41 pm

My brother in law had a blockage in a pipe in his apartment. He called the plumber and said "yesh li nazelet batzinorot" When he should have said "yesh li nezila batzinorot". His israeli wife was on the floor until she explained his mistake. And so were we when he told us that story.
nazelet means a drippy nose. Nezila means a leak Smile

same shoresh.

amother

Arcticblue

Sun, Dec 11 2022, 5:31 pm

amother Vermilion wrote:

My nephew (an American yeshiva boy) has an egg allergy. Our family was together in Jerusalem for Pesach and my sister in law asked the Arab waiters at the Seder if there were Beitzim (male parts) instead of Beitza (egg) in the food. They burst out laughing. Fortunately, we all got the joke and also laughed. The waiters were a little embarrassed and came back with a beautiful bowl of fruit for the table for dessert and were extremely accommodating of all our needs. That will go down in history as one of our most entertaining Seders and we all enjoyed laughing at ourselves. I am not offended by these stories. We all make mistakes sometimes.

Egg is beitza but eggs is beitzim.

Bnei Berak 10

Sun, Dec 11 2022, 6:21 pm

BrisketBoss wrote:

I remember a Hebrew teacher telling us to avoid "Gamarti" when we finished our work and say "Siyamti" instead because the former has s-xual connotations. Does this error come up a lot?

In non-religious circles most use siyamti. In chareidi circles it's fine to use gamarti as it's not influenced by secular slang.

amother

Maroon

Sun, Dec 11 2022, 6:58 pm

I was once using a public restroom on shabbos (of a shul I think) and it had a metal button in the wall which was for flushing but it kind of looked like it would be electric there was another button with like a hole for water to come out on the side of the toilet (which in reality is something they use to clean after one uses the restroom) which had a hole to spritz water (which I didn;t know). For some reason I had this slight doubt that if I press the one in the wall it would be electric and it would be very embarrasing and the one next to the seat was for shabbos. Well I was standing and poof pressed the wrong button. Water started soaking my clothing and spilled into the next stall and the lady in the next stall was screaming at me but I wasnt sure how to turn it off (I knew how but was in shock) after a minute or so I figured it out but it was quite embarrasing.

amother

Hydrangea

Sun, Dec 11 2022, 7:53 pm

A friend of mine lives on 32, Rechov Bucharim. She has American seminary girls coming to her every Shabbos. Sleepover.
One girl, on the way to my friend for Shabbos, wanted to tell the bus driver where she needed to get off.
She said," ani rotzah 32 bachurim."
The driver retorted, "mah! achad loh maspik lach?"

Very Happy

amother

Hydrangea

Sun, Dec 11 2022, 8:14 pm

During our shanah rishonah, we treated ourselves to a Shabbos in a hotel.
Friday night, I was about to get into bed when I spied a big lizard on the wall right above my bed.
My dh was almost asleep, I didn't want to wake him so I went down and decided I'll ask the security guard to get someone to catch the lizard.
I went up to the desk and said to the man behind it, "yesh lita'ee becheder sheli"
"Lita'ee?!" the man asked, puzzled.
I nodded my head. "Ken, Lita'ee, gadol, ani lo yochala litfos otoh!"
The man said he'd come up to the room.
He walks into the room and sees my dh sleeping in bed. He strode up to the bed and knocked him on his head. My dh jumped up startled.
"Mah atah oseh poh?" the man shouted. "Tilech mipoh achshav!"
"Loh," I shouted. "Zeh baali!"
"Efoh halita'ee?!" the man exclaimed, looking around the room.
"Sham!" I pointed to the lizard which was still resting calmly above my bed.
The man strode over and got the lizard out of the porch door.
"Giveret!" he then turned to me. "Zeh lita'a, loh lita'ee!" and he walked out the door.

amother

Hunter

Sun, Dec 11 2022, 9:29 pm

amother Hydrangea wrote:

Can you please explain this one? it sounds really funny but I'm not getting it.

Rappel

Sun, Dec 11 2022, 9:45 pm

amother Hydrangea wrote:

Those darn Litvaks stealing hotel rooms...

boysrus

Sun, Dec 11 2022, 10:58 pm

amother Hydrangea wrote:

I just can't!!! I am rolling with laughter!! and the post about the litvak in the bedroom! Ladies, you have given me the most amazing entertainment here, its so healthy to laughandd I really needed this tonight! thank you!

essie14

Mon, Dec 12 2022, 12:04 am

BrisketBoss wrote:

I remember a Hebrew teacher telling us to avoid "Gamarti" when we finished our work and say "Siyamti" instead because the former has s-xual connotations. Does this error come up a lot?

My Israeli friends cautioned me when I first made aliyah not to say "gamarti"

Miri1

Mon, Dec 12 2022, 12:07 am

amother Hydrangea wrote:

I can't remember the last time I laughed so hard!
I had to take a break from eating, this is hilarious!!

LiLIsraeli

Mon, Dec 12 2022, 12:32 am

amother Hydrangea wrote:

Can't stop laughing LOL

amother

Springgreen

Mon, Dec 12 2022, 1:13 am

Spent an absurd amount of time lost in Bayit b
Vegan asking where the “galgalim” was. I kept singing in my head the childhood song “hinie rackevet who mitztovevet Al galgagim choo choo!”
But I sadly couldn’t remember the beginning of the song 🤦‍♀️ only the end part Al galgalim choo choo.
No one had the foggiest clue what I wanted until I met someone and when I said choo choo he direct me to the light rail.

I hope I gave him a good laugh for the day 😂😂

amother

Geranium

Mon, Dec 12 2022, 3:03 am

a visiting relative of mine accidentally told the bus driver 'Ani Tzricha l'hashtin' - instead of "lahat'in".
(for those who don't understand this l'hashtin=urinate. l'hat'in - charge/load your bus card)

amother

Pumpkin

Mon, Dec 12 2022, 3:36 am

amother Arcticblue wrote:

Someone asked a few people what time it was and they looked at their hand , empty of watch and said, ein lee mussag. The next person when asked what time it was, looked at his hand which had a watch on it, and points to it saying, Hamussag sheli lo oved.

salt

Mon, Dec 12 2022, 6:12 am

BrisketBoss wrote:

I remember a Hebrew teacher telling us to avoid "Gamarti" when we finished our work and say "Siyamti" instead because the former has s-xual connotations. Does this error come up a lot?

Nah, you can say gamarti, it's fine.