Need a composing chesed - I have lyrics

Shefa

Mon, Dec 12 2022, 12:57 am

I wrote a song for my older son and sang it with my younger son - we made a little home video clip. My older son loved it and wants his turn to do a home music clip with me. I wrote a song for him but this time I don't want to get free music on-line. Last time it felt like I got shot up with tuma, listening to who knows what. Even without words, music can damage. oiy vey.

My older son is starting shidduchim soon and I would love to have this last big project to do with him before he gets married, b"H.

If anyone would enjoy composing an upbeat song, not for compensation... I'd send you the lyrics. It's called, "Divine Love." It's HaSh-m singing His love for us/as the chorus. (Each chorus has different words, but should fit to the same rhythm.) The verses are a singer singing about HaSh-m's love for each one of us. Each verse topic is connected to the topic of the chorus that follows it.

Choirmistress

Mon, Dec 12 2022, 2:32 am

Hi, Shefa.
I'd love to take a stab at it. (I would not ask for any financial compensation, but I would request written credit in small type at the bottom of the first page.) I would first need to know:
Is it 3/4 or 4/4? (Yes, I know other rhythms exist, in spades, but I find that narrowing it down to these two choices simplifies composing the music. The iambic pentameter of Yigdal, for instance, would be out of the question.)
You say that it is "upbeat". What is the pace/speed? An estimate of beats per minute will be close enough. Is it "danceable"?
What, if any, accompanying instruments are you imagining in your head as you think the song to yourself?
How would you characterize the overall mood of the song: cheerful, wistful, joyous, longing, celebratory, poignant, victorious, etc.? In brief, major or minor key?
If you answer these few preliminary questions, we can proceed from there.
(BTW, I have had the experience of completely changing the original tune of one of my songs for fear of being accused of plagiarism. The way I would teach it to a choir now, nobody would recognize which song first inspired it years ago.)

Shefa

Mon, Dec 12 2022, 3:14 am

That is so amazing of you!!!! I'm really excited - thank you!
Firstly, of course, b"H, b"n, credits will go to you in written form.
Secondly, I'm not that knowledgeable in music to be able to answer most of your questions, but I'll answer what I can. It sounds like you will be able to fill in the blanks for what I can't answer.

1. Rhythms - whatever you think is best. I have no idea - the words should fit nicely into whatever beat you deem best, as they all have about the same amount of syllables - I think. You'll see from the lyrics. If you are willing to collaborate and want to send me different examples, I could give my opinion. I have lots of opinions. Smile

2. Speed - I would say medium. NOT slow. I have no idea about beats per minute.
3. Danceable - I hope so. Dancing with HaSh-m is the best!
4. Instruments - My son likes popular Jewish music, but I can't say instruments. I don't know. ( The truth is my son likes rap and is hoping to be able to rap the verses. I need it to be kodesh. If there could be some sort of holy rap.... but it doesn't have to be. You'll see the verses are rapable. So they can also be sung.)
5. Mood - I would say celebratory, noble/majestic/grand, devoted/committed love
6. Major key - bright, even brilliant

Choirmistress

Mon, Dec 12 2022, 4:43 am

Hi, Shefa.
I have already saved the lyrics on my computer as a Word file.
Several things I can already tell you:
1. It is DEFINITELY 4/4 and not 3/4. 3/4 would be waltz time, like D'veykus' Habeyn Yakir Li -- 1 2 3, 1 2 3.
2. To save number of lines needed to be typed/typeset, simply turn the narrator instructions from name of speaker to "Bass or Baritone" for Hashem (no need to stick in a hyphen, as the English form is not one of the Sheimos haKodesh), and "Tenor" for "narrator".
3. I have several suggestions for grammatical and rhythmic corrections.
4. Having said all that, yes, I can definitely work with this.
5. You have qualified the mood as celebratory, majestic, noble, and grand. This I can work with. I am currently working on finalizing three songs that, at this preliminary stage and for lack of deciding which of three sets of lyrics to set to which of three melodies, I am calling "epic tune (#1, 2, 3). You also call it rappable. To me that would suggest a beat too quick to dance to, especially since you also indicated...
6. ...a medium pace. Agreed that it should be faster than slow. I am getting the feeling, from reading the lyrics, that it might work best as either a march or a double-time feel.
7. I am imagining piano and/or guitar as I scan the lyrics. Does either of those sound like a fit?
Now that those are out of the way, tell me what you think of the above seven points and I can get to work on an appropriate melody to put to your words.
I hope I please you with what I come up with. Right now it's the early hours of the morning (I am in Eastern Standard Time), and I need a few hours of shuteye before I must check in by computer to see if my supervisor has any "work from home" for me.
Do you have any sort of deadline for when you would want to see/hear the tune I come up with?
In the meantime, I shall think about the "sound" that the lyrics are suggesting to me, and I shall, iy"H, get back to you in the morning.

Shefa

Mon, Dec 12 2022, 7:35 am

Thank you so much. This is fun.
2. Did you want me to resend with saved number of lines? I'm not clear if I need to do something different here.
3. suggest away. I want to hear what you have to say in both grammar and rhyme.
5. but to rap too fast is hard, and the words are hard to understand. I think we are shooting for a comfortable pace.
6. whatever you think. I would have to hear it in order to have an opinion.
7. piano and guitar sounds good. I like a full sound. I learned from Tanya that beauty is the blending of multiplicity into one - where the parts are still distinct, yet blend to reveal a united Source at the same time. Definitely need to have more than one instrument. But in the end, if it's not guitar as the second instrument, like if it doesn't work, another instrument is also fine. It depends on the song that you bring to us.

-time frame... I don't have one per say... you're doing me a complete chesed. I don't want to put any pressure on you. What's your time frame?
I'm looking forward to hearing what you come up with. You're a shaliach for tov. May you be blessed with tov.
Thank you very much!!!!!
ps- my husband confirmed what you said about the hyphen in HaShem. I wish I would have known earlier. I am working on a written piece and I don't know how many hyphens I have to go and change now. Min hashomayim. At least I know now. Thank you.

Choirmistress

Mon, Dec 12 2022, 1:44 pm

By later today iy"H, I will be able to send you as a PM my "revised" Word file with corrections/suggestions. Unfortunately, at this point I do not yet know how to play an instrument, but if I PM you with my phone number, you are welcome to phone me here in Toronto, possibly as soon as later this week, and I hope by that time to have at least the beginnings of a fitting 4/4 melody to sing to you over the phone. While I am in the middle of this reply post, may I ask if there is a specific reason why you have the "Narrator to Klal Yisroel" verses four lines long, but the "Hashem to Klal Yisroel" chorus only two lines long? Also, depending on how many minutes you are "visualizing" this song to take, would you consider a four-to-eight-measure instrumental solo between verses? Regards, Choirmistress.

Shefa

Mon, Dec 12 2022, 3:36 pm

Shalom Choirmistress,
That's fast. Great. Thank you. I'm wondering if by any chance you'd be willing to record the melody/song so I can learn it. I know I won't be able to remember it unless I learn it a few times.

It's my experience that choruses are shorter than verses, so I did that... to be conventional.
I don't have a vision of how long the song is. So if you think a musical interlude is what the song should have, I'd like to hear it.