Husbands gift after child’s chasuna to wife

amother

Pansy

Sun, Dec 25 2022, 8:17 pm

DH does buy me gifts. Sometimes larger than others.
One “push present” was a cushion solitaire ring. I wear it every day. For my other child I got silver earrings as we had bought a house and that’s where we were financially.
These gifts are not because I pushed a baby out and deserve a reward. It’s a way to mark a very joyous event, to put the feelings into something concrete. It contains a tremendous sense of accomplishment, strong female power and of the team DH and I are. I wear this anchor every day.

When DH has career and personal accomplishments I have bought him a watch, iPad… all engraved to mark the effort and achievement.

It’s a way to bottle intense feelings of gratitude, appreciation, feelings of accomplishment pride and strength, that we later draw on.

DH is not good at writing cards, but my possessions hold so much meaning.

amother

Gladiolus

Sun, Dec 25 2022, 8:27 pm

seeker, welcome to imamother, the yenta capital of the Jewish Internet. who needs to know how many hours a week others have household help, who sets up the children's menorahs, what gifts others got for their birthday or having a baby (Push present--what an unspeakably vulgar expression, should be ashamed to be using it), what people did in the yichud room, how old were you when you got your period (the only person who should ask that is your gyn or endocrinologist). disgraceful is what it is.

seeker

Sun, Dec 25 2022, 8:35 pm

amother Gladiolus wrote:

I meant in real life, as in the OP scenario, not on imamother. And you see it all the time at engagement parties. It disgusts me and feels like an obvious opening to cause pain.

amother

Oatmeal

Sun, Dec 25 2022, 8:53 pm

When my oldest got married, some years ago, DH offered to watch the kids and clean up the house while I went to the mall and found myself earrings and a necklace to wear with my gown. As I recall it was $25.

This was very precious to me that he was taking care of the house & kids (officially my job, let's say, though we do share a lot of the chores) and making it possible for me to go choose something I would enjoy.

So it's not necessarily the gifts, it's the appreciation for what you do, shown in whatever form, whether words, a gift, acts of service etc.

amother

Yolk

Sun, Dec 25 2022, 8:59 pm

amother Ballota wrote:

It's supposed to show your wife the hakaras Hatov you have for all the hard work and efforts she put in to pull off the wedding,

I wonder where this started from?
Did it start with wealthy ppl and the wannabes copied?

I always wonder what about the hakaras hatov the wife should show the husband for financing the wedding and all expenses all the years...

I have family members who literally couldn't afford to pay anything towards their child's wedding and others who borrowed to marry off in style and demanded gifts....

amother

DarkOrange

Sun, Dec 25 2022, 10:09 pm

As someone that has choked their way through milestones I find myself daydreaming from time to time how sweet life would be with an occasional celebration between Dh and I as we reach new milestones together... even a small gift would be touching...

I am aware enough to not have the audacity to demand it but hey a woman could dream... Tongue Out

I also understand that in some rare instances some women are very pampered and very demanding and oblivious to the finances so in such cases a gift like in this scenario would probably happen. I'm related to such ppl... I've seen sisters in laws and sister get diamond chunked gifts for births, big anniversaries and marrying off. Oh well.

amother

Viola

Sun, Dec 25 2022, 10:22 pm

amother Yolk wrote:

Again- who said this is the case? Do women not work?

erm

Sun, Dec 25 2022, 10:49 pm

amother Pansy wrote:

My baby was something "concrete" that holds so much meaning (even after they grew up.) I look at my children and have a tremendous sense power of the "team my DH and I" are. I don't need a piece of jewelry to remind me of it. There isn't a present in the world that would have made me happier than holding my healthy child in my arms.

Last edited by erm on Mon, Dec 26 2022, 3:15 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

SandyBrown

Sun, Dec 25 2022, 11:08 pm

I'm only up to bar mitzvahs. I am about to make my first one and I did get a new sheital (was due for one anyway, though if not for the bar mitzvah, might have waited another 6 months before making it a priority) and a new dress, so as far as I'm concerned that's my "gift" for pulling it all together. I would imagine by the time I get to weddings, it'll be a similar situation.

amother

Catmint

Sun, Dec 25 2022, 11:25 pm

amother SandyBrown wrote:

My gift when I make wedding im up to my second is when my husband helps me with errands, helps me by babysitting kids at home being there as a spouse no it’s not the gift I would love a gift for him showing he appreciates how hard I worked but if money don’t allow I don’t want him getting me one (don’t worry I told him the list of my wants won’t go away lol) at this point we can’t afford gifts I have not gotten one in a long time and yes love when he gets me thembut…

amother

Tealblue

Sun, Dec 25 2022, 11:28 pm

erm wrote:

My baby was something "concrete" that holds so much meaning (even after they grew up.) I look at my children and have a tremendous power of the "team my DH and I" are. I don't need a piece of jewelry to remind me of it. There isn't a present in the world that would have made me happier than holding my healthy child in my arms.

Same.

amother

Marigold

Sun, Dec 25 2022, 11:43 pm

Let me put a slightly different perspective to the gift giving.

My in-laws bh made 4 weddings. Each kallah or chosson got gifted with gold and silver. Sheitals and streimlach etc etc. Literally thousands of dollars were spent on 20 year olds. Mil jewelry is small and outdated. By wedding 3 we put pressure on fil, let mom, the queen of the household, own something beautiful too. Here her young daughters are owning rings and earrings way way bigger then hers.

So yes, she got gifted something beautiful.

My mom, made many weddings too. I don't think she got gifts, but she'd buy a new set of cutlery, let's say, because at a time of simcha the bracha from Hashem is huge. Another $250 will come iyh. My parents are comfortable bh, but making a wedding does make them tighten their 'seatbelts'.

amother

Gray

Mon, Dec 26 2022, 12:14 am

I never heard of it.

The entitlement level keeps growing. For people who can afford it, great. For people who can't, don't even think about it.

Do you know how lucky you are that your child found their bashert and you were zocheh to marry them off? Do you know how lucky you are that your child is a regular member of society and has the mental abilities to be married? Thank hashem and count your blessings!

Ima_Shelli

Mon, Dec 26 2022, 2:28 am

Food for thought-

I have a very close friend who married off a child shortly after she and her husband went through a divorce.

Along with another couple of our close friends, I bought her a nice piece of jewellery at a store where she could exchange it to suit her taste, because we knew there was no one else buying her something for the wedding and we wanted her to feel loved.

Unless you know it will be taken the wrong way, maybe this is something we can all adopt as a new minhag? Gifting our divorced mothers with presents when they make a simcha so they can feel pampered?

Mon, Dec 26 2022, 4:05 am

I know some women feel that they haven't gotten something for themselves in many years and after giving all these gifts to the chosson/kallah feel they should give themselves a present. The feeling is why should they spend all this money on others and nothing for themselves.

amother

Pansy

Mon, Dec 26 2022, 5:06 am

erm wrote:

Good. I’m happy for you.
Sadly I lost my first baby, I wear a locket under my clothes every day. I carry my baby with me next to my heart.
That’s what started our gift habit.

I hate imamother. It’s too hard for others to be happy for anyone else. There’s always someone one upping and denigrating other peoples way of doing things.
I truly am happy your children are enough of an anchor for your deep sense of happiness.
I lost my first and struggled to have my 2 beautiful children.

I’m off here. Too much pain brought up by others. I will daven for my neshama, and for you to find true deep happiness that enables you to be happy for others too.
Wishing you all the best

amother

Floralwhite

Mon, Dec 26 2022, 3:55 pm

amother OP wrote:

Is it a thing for a husband to give a gift to his wife after they made a chasuna?
My friend asked me what my husband gave me and I just stood there not knowing what to say because my husband gave me nothing.

Why didn't you just say that he gave you nothing? Your friend sounds socially off.