Working full time and socializing on shabbos

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Forum -> Working Women

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amother

Sat, Jan 07 2023, 7:51 pm

How do those that work full time socialize on Shabbos?

I work full time to the point that I am out of my house from 8:15 am-5:30/6 pm. I am literally the only one in my building that works FULL TIME with only 1 kid (7 yr old B"H) and cant seem to be able to socialize in the courtyard out back on Shabbos any more. I seem to only want to sleep or just read all Shabbos. I don't go to shul at all because the one shul I will go to is 1.5 miles away and my husband gets up after the minyan starts so he goes to a minyan that's 3/4 of a mile away (I call that minyan an old man minyan and I don't think my husband who is 32 should be going to such a minyan but I am grateful he is going to one every week even though not MY preference of a minyan). The only socialization I get is at work and even that, I feel like I need more. We live in a part of my community that is the furthest out and smallest area (to the point that if I have anything to sell or give away on our greater community WhatsApp chats, anyone who is interested backs out once they hear where I live). We have been wanting to move from our current apartment for about 2 years now due to various reasons within the apartment but anything that is worth moving to size wise, is double or triple the price and with wanting to buy, we just stay where we are. We are probably the only ones in our building that have been self sufficient since day 1 of our marriage in our building and that was our choice since we both knew that our parents couldn't help us full time so we both had to work (sometimes 2 jobs just to stay afloat each month).

I guess, how do you do both-work full time AND socialize at non work events? (for ex-my community is having an event from the school I work in and I am invited to go-and I go so that im not going to be anti social and just stay home).

I'm just at a loss (I guess) at this point on what to do before we move in the next 2-3 years to the main area of our community....

amother

Plum

Sat, Jan 07 2023, 7:57 pm

I think your problem is more location than having to do with working.

I work full time and have kids and on weekday evenings I am dead and don't go out. On Shabbat, I take my kids to a very child friendly shul that is only 10 minutes away (lucky me!) and then I take them to the park (5 min away) where they play and I socialize with other moms.

mha3484

Sat, Jan 07 2023, 7:57 pm

From the week the snow melts until it snows again we live at the park. I have made so many friends this way. I also make a priority to go to the womens shiur on shabbos in the summer. The winter months I am less social but I find since I fill myself up the rest of the year I am ok the few months when I am too cold to go anywhere.

amother

Maple

Sat, Jan 07 2023, 8:05 pm

I don’t see the connection. I personally wouldn’t love somewhere where the. nearest shul is 1.5 miles away. My shul is 2 blocks away with many other shuls in a 10 block radius. Shul an socializing is focus of our shabbos

amother

Sat, Jan 07 2023, 8:07 pm

mha3484 wrote:

Mha3484- I wish I could go to the park. The closest park is just under a mile away. And the closest shiurim are also close to a mile away. So I'm really stuck 12 months a year since walking 2 miles in the heat or cold weather doesn't interest me. My building is all kollel ppl from the yeshiva down the block and we have NOTHING to do with the yeshiva, just a fluke of why we are living here but that's a story for a different day.

amother

Sat, Jan 07 2023, 8:10 pm

amother Maple wrote:

We were initially supposed to be in our apartment for a year. But here we are 6.5 years later and trying to get out but at this point we are just waiting to buy since having our rent double or triple will not allow us to buy in our desired area. Especially since our desired area has no rentals.

amother

Sat, Jan 07 2023, 8:22 pm

amother Plum wrote:

Where we live, my husband refuses to go to the shul down the block bec it's a yeshiva and he is not very comfortable there bec it's a very small space. We know our location is an issue. It's also an issue for my son bec none of his friends live in our area. All of them live between 1 and 2 neighborhoods north. Even if we were to move an area north with no boys from his class, at least there are boys from other classes or the other neighborhood school that he can become friends with. All the boys in our area are either older then him or really bother him on the bus ride home. So at this point, we need to wait to move.

amother

Tealblue

Sat, Jan 07 2023, 10:55 pm

Sounds like location is the main issue.

To answer your question, OP:
While I can’t go anywhere in weeknights, on Shabbos I go to shul, bring my kids to playdates and hang out there with the mom, or make a brazen effort to just walk over to a friend’s house myself to shmooze. It takes effort, especially when all I want to do is sleep or read on the couch.

amother

Sat, Jan 07 2023, 10:59 pm

Op here- I would go to shul if my husband would daven at the shul I'm comfortable going to...but bec he also works long hours, he just goes to a later minyan on Shabbos and I don't want to just send my son in to anyone in the men's section...one thing if my husband was there weekly.

amother

Khaki

Sat, Jan 07 2023, 11:02 pm

If you want to get some socializing in, invite people for a meal. That way you don't need to walk anywhere.

amother

Sat, Jan 07 2023, 11:04 pm

I live Chutz lmavchane in my area.

amother

Sat, Jan 07 2023, 11:07 pm

And no one will walk to my area.

amother

Khaki

Sat, Jan 07 2023, 11:07 pm

amother OP wrote:

And no one will walk to my area.

Can you host people for a whole shabbos?

amother

Sat, Jan 07 2023, 11:08 pm

No. I live in a tiny apartment and all apartments are full between the kollel families and the yeshiva bachrim

amother

Bone

Sun, Jan 15 2023, 5:44 am

Reading your post, I’m much more worried about your son and his social life then I am for you. I’m really sorry for your situation, and I hope for your sons sake you are able to move sooner than later. He needs to be near friends.

amother

Cornsilk

Sun, Jan 15 2023, 9:53 am

I lived somewhere very chutz limachaneh for a bit over 2 years. It was miserable. I was paying pennies and no bills besides my cellphone. Everything else was covered. Electricity, water, internet, taxes etc. I was paying $175 a month. Sounds really, really worthwhile, right?

No. I was absolutely miserable. My kid had no friends. We had no usable eruv. The shul I preferred was easily a 20 minute walk. When I had a baby who wasn't walking, I couldn't leave the house. I did have a park very close at least. The second he was walking, we were outside going to the park on Shabbos.

Anyway, I moved to the neighborhood of my choice. Rent was around $820. It was the cheapest apartment we could find. Nothing nice, but the location was so amazing it was worth it. I had to pay for utilities, internet, taxes etc. We could barely make it through the month never mind save.

But I can tell you that it was worth every single penny to have a social life and for my kids too. I'm married 10 years and still renting. But I'd rather that than being absolutely miserable to save money. To me, no social life is miserable. Same applies to my kids.

amother

Gardenia

Sun, Jan 15 2023, 9:59 am

I'm in a similar situation to you. But I enjoy not socializing so much, I just want to relax.

mha3484

Sun, Jan 15 2023, 10:02 am

I have a friend who does not like where she lives on shabbos (she likes it the other 6 days). She finds hachnosis orchim apartments in her prefered area and comes for shabbos. Would this work for you?

amother

Sun, Jan 15 2023, 10:17 am

mha3484 wrote:

Op here- I wish. I don't know if the chesed apartments will be an option. And one of the areas we are looking at doesn't have chesed apartments. It's only the area north of that afaik. And those apartments are for med reasons afaik. I could be wrong.

amother

Cadetblue

Sun, Jan 15 2023, 11:24 am

amother OP wrote:

Definitely doesn't hurt to reach out to the chesed orgs and ask if they'd ever have something available.

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