The socially off things people say and do

amother

Acacia

Mon, Jan 09 2023, 4:02 am

It’s socially off to ask an adult woman if she washed her hands after using the bathroom.

If for some crazy reason she did forget or not do it, do you think she’ll be able to admit that to your face?

If you are neurotic, simply say that you’re extra sensitive to germs, apologize and ask if she can wash her hands again for you.

Otherwise you are putting her in a position that makes her very likely to lie to save face.

amother

Olive

Mon, Jan 09 2023, 4:39 am

amother Gray wrote:

And BTW I'm a playgroup morah and pointed it out to a mother who had not noticed yet. It was super uncomfortable to tell her but I couldn't notice and not say anything! It's not as obvious as you think.

A playgroup Morah is different than a stranger in the street.

Bnei Berak 10

Mon, Jan 09 2023, 4:44 am

amother Yarrow wrote:

Just wondering, what does sfardi/chassidish mean?
(fwiw, I'm sefardi)

Chabad or Breslev. Just my guess.

amother

Bluebonnet

Mon, Jan 09 2023, 9:54 am

When I was married for a year, I was moving and someone came to check out my apartment. She said "So how long are you married for?" I was like a year. She's like "Oh so you have a baby in the other room?" I was so upset!!! BH I was early pregnant but still I found that very hurtful!!

BH Yom Yom

Mon, Jan 09 2023, 10:03 am

amother Arcticblue wrote:

I have a sis in law that told me the reason for my miscarriage is because I have a fish tank. Didn't talk to her for an entire year after that. It's one thing to be socially stupid. But to play God that's a whole nother thing I'm not ready to deal with.

What in the world…shaychus?!

I don’t blame you for not talking to her after that.

amother

Antiquewhite

Mon, Jan 09 2023, 10:34 am

Shani... wrote:

Shiva is often a place for foot in mouth.

Yes. My parents neighbor was my old boss and I had quit that job. I guess she was MAD. Because she came into the house and plopped herself down right in front of me. And when I said Thank you for coming, she responded Oh, I didn't come for you. I came for your brother.

Mind you, there were a lot of women sitting shiva in the room, she could've chosen to sit in front of another mourner. And it was pretty mixed up like she could've just sat down in front of my brother where the men were gathered in the other part of the room. There were others doing that. But no. She chose to sit in front of me when my mother had just died and tell me that. And this is a woman who's in public relations!

amother

Melon

Mon, Jan 09 2023, 11:04 am

I b”H finally had a long awaited baby. I was spending time with close relatives and I kissed my baby and told him I love you. Dear relative pipes up, “yeh,??? Really?????
I felt so stupid….. I don’t see what’s wrong with telling a baby I love you….

amother

Dahlia

Mon, Jan 09 2023, 11:09 am

When people ask my SN brother if he's looking or a shidduch.

PSA: Such questions should be asked of the SN person's family. Not of the person directly. You are hurting him bringing that up.

amother

Dahlia

Mon, Jan 09 2023, 11:11 am

I went thru several years of SIF and was BH pg. Woman asked me - at the bus stop, in front of my other child - how did you get pg?

This same genius recently asked me - how's your DD (shidduch age) doing? Does she get alot of dates?

amother

Crocus

Mon, Jan 09 2023, 11:29 am

I'm married for a year, not pregnant yet.
I can't even tell you how many times people greet my stomach and not me!! Can't Believe It

I play it back at them:
Sometime I stick out my stomach, or give a small wave over my stomach. LOL

They usually get the hint!

sequoia

Mon, Jan 09 2023, 11:37 am

amother Dahlia wrote:

When people ask my SN brother if he's looking or a shidduch.

PSA: Such questions should be asked of the SN person's family. Not of the person directly. You are hurting him bringing that up.

That depends on the situation and the person in question.

amother

Dahlia

Mon, Jan 09 2023, 11:40 am

sequoia wrote:

That depends on the situation and the person in question.

OK

When it is clear that the couple would need alot of care from the family, when the SN adult is not capable of making his own decisions and taking care of his own needs, then those questions should be addressed to the family first.

amother

Dahlia

Mon, Jan 09 2023, 11:41 am

amother Crocus wrote:

I'm married for a year, not pregnant yet.
I can't even tell you how many times people greet my stomach and not me!! Can't Believe It

I play it back at them:
Sometime I stick out my stomach, or give a small wave over my stomach. LOL

They usually get the hint!

I used to feel like I needed a teeshirt with an arrow pointing upwards. You know, for people who could not find my face....

amother

Celeste

Mon, Jan 09 2023, 11:44 am

amother Crocus wrote:

I'm married for a year, not pregnant yet.
I can't even tell you how many times people greet my stomach and not me!! Can't Believe It

I play it back at them:
Sometime I stick out my stomach, or give a small wave over my stomach. LOL

They usually get the hint!

I love your confidence
I'm married a lot longer than you and my mil has no shame

amother

DarkRed

Mon, Jan 09 2023, 11:47 am

amother Yarrow wrote:

Just wondering, what does sfardi/chassidish mean?
(fwiw, I'm sefardi)

I'm chassidish.
I understand that to mean someone of sefardi origin who integrated into chassidish community.
Mostly they are from South America, specifically Argentina (at least what I have seen)

amother

Seashell

Mon, Jan 09 2023, 11:49 am

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

Chabad or Breslev. Just my guess.

That wasn’t my guess.
When she said Sephardi/ chassidish I thought she meant one parent is Sephardic and the other parent is chassidish.
We’ll have to wait for her to come back and tell us.

SuperWify

Mon, Jan 09 2023, 11:51 am

amother Navyblue wrote:

Washing with a wash cup after using the bathroom is halacha. All frum men do this. The question is if one is soaping their hands as in hygiene purposes.

Obviously not. My dh washes with soap bh.

But he was simply pointing out that if a wife is so concerned that he does not wash after the bathroom at least he washes for that- better then nothing.

amother

Seashell

Mon, Jan 09 2023, 11:53 am

Cross-posted with someone else figuring out sephard/ chassid.
Whatever it meant, this thread is going to make me so careful next time I open my mouth. Which is a good thing.
I’ve been a victim of stupid comments but I’ve made some too. I said something stupid to one of my closest relatives who was going through something hard. It was a long time ago. I hope she forgot. I never will.

SuperWify

Mon, Jan 09 2023, 11:56 am

amother NeonPurple wrote:

I've had too many instances to count but here are 2 that pop out:
I was newly married and by my husband's friend's sheva Brachos literally 2 weeks after our last Sheva brachos. The host was asking everyone what they do. I said I wasn't working and she tells me off loudly in front of EVERYONE how it's not good and that I should get a job.

I purposely waited 8 years to have my second kid and due to the obvious gap, someone asked me if it was high risk .

When I had my second after a 4 year gap my mothers super innocent tzadeiks friend asked her who my high risk doctor was LOL

amother

Jade

Mon, Jan 09 2023, 11:59 am

Sfardi chassidish means that my grandparents come from sfardi country moved to North America and mingled with chasidish crowd sent to chasidish schools etc. If you see me you wouldn’t assume I’m sfardi but ppl that know me do know it’s not a secret lol
My hub is ashkenaz and all my kids are blonde besides 1 has brown hair.
My grandparents are not from South America but from a different sfardi country